Friday, June 24, 2016

Limping joyfully!

A beloved picture of me and my Therese taken close to 4 years ago as we awaited the arrival of her second brother, Patrick.  An amazing story which I will put the link here if you want to go there...

I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a limper!  I have blamed it on a down hill ski accident I had a junior in HS, but really if I go back to the beginning I recall how I ripped my mother's heart out by barely able to climb up the stairs of the school bus for my first day of school.  Yes, I started kindergarten when I was still 4 - I would be 5 on October 6, so soon enough, but I recall that feeling of struggling and helplessness and weakness over and over in my life.  Now at just about 65... I continue to limp and I am starting to realize that I not only limp on the outside physical part of me, but also on the inside!
A month after Patrick came granddaughter, Bernadette.  Both Patrick and Berna will be here on the farm in just a few days, and as John and I were praying this morning for safety in travels and "safe and sane" times together.... I became filled with Joy at the thought of all the crazy family times ahead, but also felt the old and weak body crying out in fear for all that these next two weeks will hold for me.  "Limping joyfully" just seemed to fit the picture in my head, heart and soul. 

I am having a lot of fun looking at these special times with the notion of "limping joyfully up the aisle to my hunky farmer husband."  Yes, we were in love, but the limping inside has become more evident with all the years we have shared with their ups and downs!

Lots of emotions this morning with The Feast of the Nativity of St John the Baptist.  A feastday for John and lots of memories where "his name is John" rang loudly in me 7 years ago just a few days after the Father's Day discovery of a tumor in his brain!

Returning to the place of John being here and looking for what The Lord has in mind for him... it seems that we are called to return to our knees and humbly ask over and over again.
Limping joyfully around Rome while Maria studied there with Catholic Studies from St Thomas.. and stupidly wearing platform shoes, too!

Yes, I am a limper and I always will be. More times than I can count over the years people have asked me about the obvious pain I am in.  I have used over the counter pain meds lots over the years, and start the day with 2 now.  But more than the physical I am a limper as I carry/drag my cross down the narrow path following after Jesus.  I realize more today why I am truly do know that I am weak and weary and aching and tired of my selfishness and indulgences and sick and sinful and kind of a mess, because I am that on the outside, too!  Yes, I am told and know that I need to lose weight and get into shape, but I am also lazy and not really motivated to start that work.
Limping joyfully (?) through John's brain cancer battle, but by this time I had a new knee and that helped me soldier on. 

I cannot really let this limping get me down... remember the joyful part of this.  With the two weeks ahead that is so true for me.  This and that is brought up to me as a problem and I find myself just shrugging it off and knowing that when we are all together they will evaporate as we all come together and work as a team to make this great family time on the farm and in Michigan happen!
Limping joyfully through Susan's/Hallel's call to become a nun in The Community of the Lamb!

Such a special day in The Church, and such an example of "limping joyfully" was St John the Baptist!  Leaping for Joy in the womb when he encountered Christ in the womb!  Living a life of in the desert, and being raised by elderly parents, and leading the way to The Christ of which "I am not worthy to untie his sandals."  He sounds like a prime example of limping not only joyfully but filled with righteous Truth and pointing always to Jesus, The Christ!
Limping joyfully with my sister, Mary, at my side for the birth of my second child while I was on bedrest.  Now Mary has been gone for 30 years!

Jesus, I am a limper through this life, and kind of pathetic has always been me!  How do you ever use me?  I am a weak mess, but I always want to be that way because it is there that I turn to you and need you and long to die to self so that you may live in me!  I am so needful of help along this journey.  How I long to be an instrument of yours in the lives of those I love and worry about.  I know that you tell us 365 times in the Word that we should not worry, and that you have it handled.  May I trust in You always and without fail!  How I find great comfort in the Saints and how they too many of them were limpers and how you used them!  Use me, Lord!  I am yours!  Jesus, I trust in you.  Amen and Hallelujah
Our Lady helps me limp down the path and with great PEACE!
Back from feeding the chickens with corn dust on my nose, two buckets of 12 eggs, radishes, lettuce and beets with beet greens.  One of my favorite things to say; "They were just growing an hour ago!"  Bless-bless, Barbara Luke the limper, but at least she does it joyfully for the most part!
I feel my age with my grandchildren... I think that can compare to St Elizabeth being a mother at an old age, but the JOY is huge!
I do see this as right on!
How I love to see the great artists portray these moments!
If we cannot do big things - it the little baby steps we take that count!
Nancy stitching a patron saint sampler with her sleeping Josephine!  LOVE! 
Patrick and Princess ready for the big trip to the farm! 
Wow!  Maria sure has them helping a lot getting cleaned up and ready to go!
We believe - Newsboys
Mat Kearney - Air I breath
Dog ears today to keep the hair out of my face and to look as ridiculous as I truly am... the corn dust definitely helps with that, too!

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