My heart was heavy when I awoke to find a deep issue in the Church on my mind and heart - June 3, 2010 - the Feast of St Charles of Uganda, Africa

The rose as you go into church-for martyrs 

I woke up with the sun this morning feeling sad about the sexual abuse scandal and how it is affecting my beloved Catholic Church... We have for the last year gotten the National Catholic Register and I have been glancing at articles in it about the work that the Church is doing to make amends for these men that have abused the priesthood in the most horrendous way... the words of one of my brother in laws saying that this was proof positive that men were not to be celebate rang in my ears... I, who have a daughter, who is a celebate know that this is just not true!  And what about those that are called to the truly hardest vocation... that of the single state... Many of them remain celebate of no choice of their own and without the benefit of becoming the spouce of Christ as those within religious communities.  At what point does a person say that they know they were called to the single state?  What struck me as curious at the time that my brother in law made this statement was that he had a brother that continued to be single into his 40s and I wondered at his comment about how it was unnatural for people - both men and women - to remain celebate... What was he saying about his own brother?  That he should be justified in satisfying his physical needs without the benefit of marriage, because he had that need? 

I know that there are some "bad apples" in every barrel...  And of course the Catholic Church is no exception.  But that does not mean that our wonderful amazing Church is affected in it's basic goodness by these "filth" which I have heard them called here and there.  Yes, to abuse children and those vulnerable is the lowest of the low...  I need to end this, but I promise that I will read more, pray more and share more to all those that find their faith in our wonderful Church shaken by this... I think that you will take heart when you read this editorial written by  Robert Royal about the Pope's first 5 years as Pope...  I cut and pasted it from NCRegister.com... if you want to check them out.. .. there is so much there in the last months about the scandal, and they truly love and attempt to protect our Church! 

Dear Lord, we struggle to know that your priesthood is threatened by this evil.  Protect our priests and keep them holy and on the path with you.  WE need them to bring LIFE - your holy Body and Blood into our lives to feed us at your lifegiving table... we need our "Fathers" to be an extention of you!  Jesus we trust in you! 

Benedict XVI, the Holy Risk Taker  by Robert Royal, president of the Faith and Reason Institute of Washington, DC

The following guest editorial by Robert Royal, president of the Faith & Reason Institute in Washington, D.C., appears on NCRegister.com as part of our exclusive series celebrating the fifth anniversary of Pope Benedict’s pontificate.

Up until just a few months ago, it seemed clear what Benedict’s legacy was shaping up to be.
In his very first homily after his election, he invoked the legacy of John Paul II and promised that as “the Successor of Peter, I also wish to confirm my determination to continue to put the Second Vatican Council into practice, following in the footsteps of my predecessors and in faithful continuity with the 2,000-year tradition of the Church.”
It may look like there are two elements here, council and Tradition. But in fact there is only one: a dynamic tradition, ever ancient, ever new. And it may seem that all this is just what popes are supposed to say.
But as the past five years have shown, one thing we can say about Benedict XVI is that he is a holy risk taker.
His major initiatives need to be understood in this context, even though they have also provoked controversy. The address at the University of Regensburg is remembered in secular circles primarily for a few phrases that seemed to criticize Muslims.

But in fact, the whole thrust of that lecture was to place squarely in front of Europe and the rest of the Christian world the large challenge of rediscovering faith and restoring the full meaning of reason in the spiritual journey — or acceptance of certain decline.

As he did earlier as a theologian, Pope Benedict has been one of the most sophisticated and profound commentators on European and world culture — so much so that it is not enough to have heard some of his addresses; they also need to be read and studied.
At the same time, he has shown a gentle pastoral manner — witness the way his demeanor had the American press, remarkably, eating out of his hand during his 2008 visit.
His bold moves in reforming the liturgy and permitting the use of the old Latin form have led some to regard him as merely backward looking. But in fact he’s gathering up the experience of the half century since the council and seeking to establish liturgical forms both appropriate and deepened for the third millennium.

Contrary to the common view, his approach to the Society of St. Pius X has been careful, except for the unfortunate oversight about the extremism of that group’s Bishop Richard Williamson, which even SSPX has repudiated.

Benedict’s bold outreach to Anglicans and Orthodox as well shows an ambitious intention to gather together as large a swath as possible of the living forces of Christianity in order to make a new effort at evangelization in a narrowing world that desperately needs fresh air.

But as we all know, the last few months have put all this in jeopardy and may eclipse Benedict’s real achievements for some time to come. For all the unfair attempts to tar him with responsibility for one or another instance of priestly child abuse, the evidence is flimsy to nonexistent to nonsensical.
In fact, as the scrutiny continues, he will emerge, as has already begun to happen, not as one who should resign, but as the one who has done most within the Church to clean out the priestly “filth” that he courageously went out of his way to mention five years ago, just before he became Pope.
The rest of his pontificate may be spent atoning for the sins of others in public, but in a less public way, the initiatives he has set in motion will be a blessing to our generation and many more to come.

Many thanks, bold-hearted Benedict!

Finally today being the memorail feast day of ST Charles of Lwanga - who in 1887 was executed by the king for his Catholic faith along with 21 others...  This happened in Uganda and we pray that the example of these people may affect the promotion of the Catholic faith in Africa.  It is quite something to see the way that martyrs for the faith don't manage to snuff out the Church... but make it stronger!   The openning antiphon for mass today is - "The saints are happy in heaven because they follow Christ.  They rejoice with him for ever because they shed their blood for love of him."  This brings to mind a picture of the Pope Benedict holding a crucifix with the "victorious lamb" on it... a symbol used by the Community of the Lamb, which our daughter Susan/ little Sister Hallel has joined... The Lamb of God that was sacrificed for us as the Gospel states today; "You are right in saying, He is ONe and there is no other than he.  And to love God with all your heart , with all your understanding, with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is worth more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."  Mark 12:28-34.... Jesus became the Lamb and was sacrificed once and for all!  Praise him now and forever!  Halleluia! 

ST Peregrine was a cancer victim, who saw Christ reach down from the crucifix and heal him

While John was a patient in St Joseph hospital in St Paul... we had gone there for a second opinion after we were told by the doctors in Sioux Falls that they wanted to do a horrific brain surgery down through the center of John's brain to try to diagnose the "tumor"that was there. We found ourselves in a beautiful newly built building and John was put on intensive care on the 5th floor. Day after day they tried every way to discover what it was without doing surgery to find it... He had numerous spinal taps and scans... Daily I would go to the chapel to pray on my knees for my son and his welfare and the strength to face this horrific crisis... this stunning crucifix met me in the chapel and it spoke to me of St Peregrine... he had been pointed out to me by a few friends as to be a good one to pray to... Prayer to St Peregrine
O great St. Peregrine, you have been called "The Mighty," "The Wonder-Worker," because of the numerous miracles which you have obtained from God for those who have had recourse to you.
For so many years you bore in your own flesh this cancerous disease that destroys the very fibre of our being, and who had recourse to the source of all grace when the power of man could do no more. You were favoured with the vision of Jesus coming down from His Cross to heal your affliction. Ask of God and Our Lady, the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you.
(Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying)
Aided in this way by your powerful intercession, we shall sing to God, now and for all eternity, a song of gratitude for His great goodness and mercy.
Amen.
St. Peregrine was born in 1260 at Forlì, Italy to an affluent family. He lived a comfortable life as a youth, and politically opposed the papacy. After he experienced the forgiveness of St. Philip Benizi, he changed his life and joined the Servite order. He was ordained a priest, and later returned to his home to establish a Servite community. There he was widely known for his preaching, penances, and counsel in the confessional. He was cured of cancer, after he received a vision of Christ on the cross reaching out His hand to touch his impaired limb. He died in 1345 and was canonized in 1726. He is the patron of cancer patients. 

I just googled St Peregrine and found this prayer that I had been praying daily... I had misplaced it in my craziness so it is good to find it again... I need to continue to pray it for John and there are many others we have met along the road that are needing it too.  I am grateful for this personal reminder to pray to a man that experienced true physical healing of his cancer at the hands of the crucified Christ!  What better saint is there to intercede for us and many others that are suffering along with their families!   Jesus we trust in you!

More time in the pool as we deal with John's brain cancer as a hopefilled and faith filled family... with many prayer warriors through caring bridge..

These are backwards as I have posted two posts today and the first one is the third one down from this one... so if you want to begin at the beginning...you are going to have to go backwards... sorry about that. I have a feeling that the feelings are going to be flowing long and deep as we are approaching the year anniversary of this family crisis with John at the center and our faith being called upon to get us through. Now a year out we have had the good news in May - Ascension Thurday May 13th that John is now cancer free... We still are forever changed by this ongoing journey called cancer/healing. Seeing John's new handicap this last weekend as we moved our kids with trailer aftere trailer load from here to there and the final load coming down here.... I realized that John still has so far to go to regain all that he lost due to the brain biopsy he had at the end of July last summer in Rochester to finally once and for all diagnose his brain cancer! It was hard to see him struggling down the basememt stairs with a box in his hands. He is at this moment signing up for yoga classes that he can use to help strengthen his core... Jesus we ask you to heal John and walk with him into his future cancer free and able to once again run and jump and to regain his new normal!

Our family times continued to be so important to us as together we faced John's cancer!

This pool as well as a email that I shared with a friend in the last few days as well as all the times that I now pray with people right then and there... reminds me of the young girl that has changed me to the core of my being.   I appologize to all those that have heard this story before, but I think that it is one that cannot be told or heard too often!  We were up in St Paul and the stress and anxiety of trying to find out what had happened so suddenly to our healthy strapping 6'4" son's brain was getting to all of us as we gathered day after day at his bedside at St Joseph's hospital.   The brand new gorgeous building was a far cry from the old hospital where I did my student nursing while a student at St Catherines in 1971-74... it was even old then!  One day the kids were going to be with John and I thought that I would like to take a day to make some food for the family and get out for a while... I also thought that I would pick up a pool for the kids to enjoy on these hot summer days in the back yard of my daughter's home in St Paul....  I first went to a Wallmart in the Snelling street area of St Paul and found that I had to get a blow up kind of pool... being a ways into summer already.  So I got a fancy one with two pools, a dolphin that you can hook the hose to and squirts water and two blow up palm trees!  Then I went to Cub foods and wadered around picking up the things I needed for a big batch of lagsagna and barbeque... As I was checking out the check out lady - a black woman about my age asked me how I was doing today... I found that I couldn't answer with the usual; "Fine."  I told her that I wasn't doing that well... She kindly pointed out that at least I could afford groceries... unlike the man in the line ahead of me, who had to buy his sparce amount of things with food stamps.  She was right and I told her so, and then I told her that my 20 year old son had a tumor in his brain and would she please pray for him.   She gave me a shocked look and assured me that she would.  Just at that moment a young girl about the age of my girls, in the next lane... asked me if I was from Marshall.  "I was in school with your daughters... I thought that I recognized you from Marshall."  I assured her that I was.  She intoduced herself and then asked me if she had heard me say that my son had cancer, and if it was alright for her to pray for him and us right there in the Cub Food stores.... Kind of taken aback... I said "sure"... So she lauched into a prayer... I do not remember the words but it was asking for healing for John and support for his family... I looked up to see my lady cashier with her head bowed and the man ahead of me that had been bagging his groceries also... we were drawn together at that moment in a very deep and powerful way!  It changed me and made me realize that no longer am I going to say that I will pray for them... I will pray for them at that exact time!  It has happened in the street or face to face with people... mostly in emails and letters at this point.  And yes there are times that I kick myself because I was too chicken or just didn't think of it.... I am still growing in the power of how this truth touched me and changed me and brought these 4 people together in this moment of time that up til then had been like a bad dream to me that I needed and so much wanted to wake up from!  "Someone pinch me!"  Now on to the last group of pictures for today...

Thinking about water this morning and the pool that came to be a symbol of the family togetherness that John's cancer meant for us...

This post might be in two parts as I had more pictures to bring over, but only these four came... so I will start with these and try for some more next... Water was my theme this morning as well as the memories that are starting to flood me now that we have reached summer/June... a year ago it was the biggest crisis that our family has faced as John started to have symptoms while working a job checking crops in South Dakota... double vision and tiredness. We first heard on Father's Day in Marshall that he had an abnormal CT scan and then from there it took a few hospitals and even a brain biopsy for us to finally hear that he had a very rare cancer! It brought our family together as we could never have imagined... even bringing our daughter, Susan/little Sister Hallel home from France where she was joining a religious community! We had then 4 grandkids that we along with their parents as we gathered around John and in the process we bought a little blow up swimming pool - "the aquatic center" - to give the kids a way to have fun and let loose after the tensions we all were experincing! Many times over the summer I would be up there for this or that with John and we would relax with our feet in the cool water and watch the kids have water fun! It also reminds me of the story that changed me forever! I will share that next with the next batch of pictures...

Summer has arrived with a wondeful family time for Memorial day... totally unexpected and wonderful... thank you Lord as we have celebrated the Trinity and the Visitation!

My house just emptied after some whirlwind days with kids, grandkids and times here and in the Cities... the horse trailer one day hauled all the cows out to the lush grass in the pastures as we had a big family day with everyone pitching in as needed... We were also able to enjoy the beauty of the long grass blowing in "waves" and have a picnic as we watched the gate and the cows and calves gallop in the bottoms of the pasture...  After all had been driven to their pastures... The trailer was power washed out so clean that it was taken up the the Cities the next day to move two of our girls with all of their stuff... Nancy and her fiance were amazed to stand in the trailer and see the two hour job that Paul had done for them in getting it immaculately clean... Others that had no idea of its use the day before were amazed by their description...  Many heads turned to see a horse trailer coming down the ST Paul streets and alleys and then to Plymouth neighborhood...  Kind of humorous to us and Nancy seemed proud to be letting her new neighborhood know that she was a country farmgirl at heart... How she would have loved to have found Bill here and it is funny to know that Schwans did recruit him back a number of years ago...but she had a list of the thing she wanted to find in her home, and a big yard and a garden spot was on it... and they have about as much of a quiet county like home that she could have ever wanted.  I forsee some tomato plants getting planted at some time this week... 

Her fiance will wait to move in until after they are married on August 28th, but since Nancy had to move out of her house that she has shared with Maria and Joe... they found their house so that Nancy can move in until now and Bill later...My husband has already given them the word that he will be bothering them at odd times of the day or night to keep them on their best behavior...  He is not going to let them not be too thoughtless about how they need to work at keeping that special closeness for their wedding night...  In other words... it will be more of a challange now, but they are determined to wait until marriage to consummate their marriage!  Nancy so appreciates that she can move into their future home now, and can get some painting and decorating done and settle in... It is a large home and they hope and pray that with marriage... children are soon to follow!  They are both older and know that they have waited long enough!  I helped Nancy to feel better by reminding her that she is the age that I was when I had my first child...so she is not that far off track!  It is just when the sisters on both sides of her are into family already... The Lord knows what He is doing!  And we are just so happy for Nancy and Bill... it was a very touching moment on Saturday - Nancy was sharing that she has a letter that she wrote at 17 to herself to be openned when she is 30... We were telling her that it probably says that she hopes she is married with a family, and that will all hopefully be true as she just turned 28... Bill said with all sincerity... that is what he had hoped for himself too and then gave Nancy a big hug... Bill is 29... I know that the two of them are thrilled to have found each other and are so excited for their lives together!  Thank you Lord! 

I have been so tied up with the families as we then filled up the trailer in St Paul with Maria and Joe's stuff... He is joining the so there is a lot they need to store in our empty basement room... Maria scientifically packed it and now we easily put it down the basement for no idea how long... Then we all shared a wonderful couple days with all 5 grandkids and their parents along with John of course... I have been thinking of you all too, but it was good to have a break from writing... but when I would read my prayers or readings... as usual there was so much I longed to share... two very powerful days have passed... the first being Trinity Sunday, and then yesterday... yes, it was Memorial day, but I was surprised to discover that it was also the feast of the Visitation of Mary to Elizabeth - "When in the womb of their mothers, John the voice and Jesus the Word met, the women raised their own voices in praise.  Elizabeth praised Mary and her child; Mary turned the joy of them both into a hymn of praise to God."  (magnificat)... see Luke 1:39-56

I was truly amazed also by the sharing from Pope Benedict XVI about the trinity...

"Three persons who are one God because the Father is love, The Son is love, the Spirit is love.  God is wholly and only love, the purest, infinite, and eternal love.  He does not live in splendid solitude but rather is an inexhaustible source of life that is ceaselessly given and communicated.... The "name" of the Blessed Trinity is, in a certain sense, imprinted upon all things because all that exists, down to the last particle, is in relation; in this way we catch a glimpse of God as relationship and ultimately, Creator Love.  All things derive from love, aspire to love, and move impelled by love... "In him we live and move and have our being"  (Acts 17:28)   The strongest proof that we are made in the image of the Trinity is this: love alone makes us happy because we live in a relationship, and we live to love and to be loved.
  The Virgin Mary, in her docile humility, became the handmaid of divine Love:  she accepted the Father's will and conceived the Son by the power of the Holy Spirit.  In her the Almighty built a temple worthy of Him and made her the model and image of the Church, mystery and house of communion for all human beings.  May Mary, Mirror of the Blessed Trinity, help us grow in faith in the Trinitarian mystery."

Blessed Mother Mary most Holy...along with the Blessed Trinity... we see that the three Persons of the Trinity truly came together in and through you!  Help us to worship the three in one and to know that with the Holy Spirit at work in our lives we are filled with power and love!  May we humbly come to serve and love our fellow man and most of all our families that we are blessed with as we journey through our lives.  Thank you for the blessings that means for us as well as the crosses we experience before the ressurection joy!  Jesus we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!  Bless-bless, Barb