Most Cherished Cross... now empty as we await our Lord's rising!

Dominic on a procession through the neighborhood of the poor in Kansas City yesterday... watching his Aunt Little Sister Hallel leading the singing.  It lasted 5 hours and the voices of angels graced the streets on Good Friday!!!

Bernadette on Mary's shoulders!!!  What Joy for me to see how much this Mary looks like my sister, Mary Susan, who died 32 years ago this summer!  She also looks so much like my girls... John first thought this was a picture of Nancy with Bernadette on her shoulders!




Nancy shared that the strenuous day with The Community for Good Friday was soo powerful, and it drained Hallel  with all the directing of song throughout...
"Bill and I went back for the burial service last night. Just incredible to walk through all of the events of Good Friday in "real time". So cool, and also exhausting! When we left last night Susan was beat! She led the singing, off and on, most of the day. At the end she gave us a hug and basically told us to leave. ;)"  from Nancy this morning

I can only imagine!!!


I have come across so many powerful words that say things so much better than I do, so I feel like today will be a day of sharing from others and let them speak from my heart!!!


I came across this amazing sharing of expressing in REAL TRUTH what marriage is all about and restates what Hallel wrote to Nancy about Bill being her Most Cherished Cross on the occasion of their engagement 8 years ago on a beautiful April day!


Kate Walsh wrote:"The sacrament of marri
age is a call to selfless, reckless, unconditional love. To forgiving the other over and over again. TO a crucifixion of self for the other, whether it is appreciated or even noticed. It is the exhausting call to serve the other when you are hungry, tired, lonely. It is radical Christianity. It is faith, hope and love in action everyday, all day. It is that scorching refiners fire, that 70 x 7, that " Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani." It is laying down your life, your desires, your dreams, your needs to show the other the depths of God's love and mercy and in the process, receive it yourself by the beautiful torture of the cross. Marriage is not romance. It is death. But no one has ever resurrected without dying first..."

I will also share Hallel's letter to Nancy..."Nancy, Look I am writing you a letter... aren't you impressed? Well, you better be because both you and I know how often this happens. I am writing to tell you now extremely excited I am about your engagement to Bill. I have to admit, when I got the news I wasn't really shocked but that night as it sunk in during adoration and the next day during mass I was so happy. My heart overflowed with joy for you. How beautiful to know that you have found your... most cherished cross. While I have never had the experience of being married, from what I hear is that he will truly be your cross. But not your cross as human eyes look at it, as a thing to run away from, as a thing of torture but rather as that which is truly the tree of life. It is only when clinging to the cross that one can truly live, it is the source of all life and of all love. Your marriage to Bill will be this, not something to run away from when it gets hard and when it hurts, but something to hold tight to, especially when it hurts because it is in this that you will find life and love. Know that it is through your marriage that Jesus wants to show you his great love for you and also that the best example that you can give to the world of Christ's love is a marriage lived in truth. So, in other words, know that I am so happy for you and that I love you a whole lot. Know that you are in my prayers during this crazy time of wedding planning; that you may not go crazy but rather learn to love each other better and that you may both have great joy and great peace. Remember to pray for me too! God Bless, Your little Sister Hallel "

I had so much fun this morning adding Jesus to my painting of the 11 in heaven!  It just was the perfect touch as I pray for them each week in front of the monstrance... placing the litany of our families (over 200 of us strong) each in the monstrance by name!  It seemed like most of their eyes turned to HIM!

 

"And, finally, Holy Saturday is the day of God’s silence. It must be a day of silence. We must do everything possible so that it is a day of silence, as that Day, which was the day of God’s silence. Jesus placed in the sepulcher shares with the whole of humanity the tragedy of death as a silence that speaks and expresses love as solidarity with all those ever abandoned, which the Son of God reaches filling the emptiness that only the infinite mercy of God the Father can fill. God is silent, but out of love. In this day love, that silent love, becomes expectation of life in the resurrection. We think of Holy Saturday: it will do us good to think of the silence of Our Lady, “the Believer,” who in silence awaited the Resurrection. 

Our Lady must be the icon for us of that Holy Saturday. To think much of how

Our Lady lived that Holy Saturday, in expectation. It is a love that does not doubt, but

that hopes in the Lord’s word, and which becomes manifest and splendid on Easter day." 

- Pope Francis, Wednesday Audience, 03/23/16

I have burning fake plans to make Easter cards for my family and parents using my creations for Easter 2018... so many powerful moments glorious and hard to celebrate this Holy Week and Lenten season.  Keeping our eyes on heaven and our hearts filled with HOPE for the coming of Easter JOY!!!

 

“Today a great silence reigns on earth,

a great silence and a great stillness. A great silence because the King is asleep.

The earth trembled and is still because God has fallen asleep in the flesh and

he has raised up all who have slept ever since the world began. . .

He has gone to search for Adam, our first father, as for a lost sheep."

 

From ancient homily, Liturgy of the Hours, Holy Saturday

How grateful are we for all that Jesus has done for us, and now dwells within us... we quietly await HIM to come to us... Pat and I will attend the Easter Vigil tonight alone for the first time in years!  John and Bobbi and Ruth, Paul and their 6 will be going to 7a mass and then the Easter JOY will abound with candy hunt (inside due to the weather) and the eating of tombs!!!  (Tombs are crescent rolls, lots of butter and cinnamon sugar wrapped around a marshmallow, which melts into heavenly gooiness!)

O and this sweet girl is one year old today!!! We love you Joy Jean Jellybean... your Godfather and future Godmother are so happy you are theirs to spoil and love and help down the narrow path!

Dad took this picture of her with her breakfast birthday ccokie/cake/pancake and one of her smiles... her name suits her so much!!!  You bring so much Joy into our lives sweet baby girl/Easter girl this year especially!

John and I oooed and ahhhed over this... Wow!! 

So True!!! 

Lots of discussions lately with the hubby about The Eucharist as we face our son's wedding coming up and those that are no longer in The Church... we know that Father Craig will lovingly explain the policy of The Church... what we say; "You need to believe that it is Jesus to receive him in the Body and Blood and be in good standing in The Church.  And if you did believe that to be true, why would you be anything but Catholic?

And this.>>>>  How can the JOY of Easter be anything of meaning without Good Friday?

Nancy called about Easter bunny cakes that her Grandma Ann would make each year and Grandpa was famous for stealing the tail!  I referred her to Ruth, who is making them just now for Joy's birthday today.  This was Ruth taken 2 years ago on Easter in their new farmhouse after we traded our homes on Good Friday!  An updated picture will appear tomorrow as we have fake plans for sharing Easter on the farm!

Isaiah 55 a few verses later!!!

One of the verses for the Vigil tonight will be Isaiah 55... so instrumental in the conversion of the 13!!

Isaiah 55:1-11—God is near! He knows us and invites us in our hunger, thirst, and poverty, to seek Him. As a Father, He promises to care for and satisfy us. Tonight, as you reflect on His nearness, call upon Him and say yes to His invitation; then ask for the courage to extend His invitation to the world.

http://familysoulstory.blogspot.com/p/the-amazing-story-of-13-becoming.html

There is so much pouring forth on this day of all days - the revisiting the first Sabbath during Creation!

"Jesus and Mary, I love you save souls!" after I have placed all 200+ in the monstrance with Jesus... I repeat this prayer over and over knowing of the tremendous need for many to know and love him and find LIFE/LOVE/LIGHT/Jesus in his Most Cherished Cross!

Thank you, Lord, for your LOVE for us!  Jesus, I lay my life at your feet knowing of my weakness and needing you now and always to help me to take up/drag my Most Cherished Cross and follow after you down the narrow path to find heaven forever with you, Mary and all the Saints!!  Jesus, I trust in you.  Amen

Joy's little red pigtails the other day!  LOVE!!! My favorite thing to do with my granddaughters is their hair...after 4 girls in a row it is my delight!  Bless-bless, Barbara Mary Luke

Nancy made crowns for the girls when Susan was a newborn!!

Easter about 7 years ago or more!!!  LOVE

 Side hairstyles with a flower for Halloween the theme was Hawaiian skirts made out of corn leaves - we made such a mess everywhere we went and came home with just a waistband!  Good thing I took this before we left the house!!!

Bangs, ponytails and Easter Bread!  The girls are touching the ones they made... notice Maria's wet sleeve!  LOVE and it would have been about 30 years ago!  That was so yummy on Easter, too!  WE put our homemade apple pie filling in the bread and then criss-crossed the dough over the top, after it was baked we would add icing! 

It truly has become the Tree of LIFE!

John burns to share his story of finding Faith through brain cancer!

Danielle Rose - A mother's song - the Crucifixion

Danielle Rose - Hail Holy Queen

Danielle Rose - The Saint that is just me

Lead me to the Cross - Francesca Batistelli

Cow TV with some spring flowers over at Ruth's the other day... While I was wrapping this up today I got a call from Pat at the farm to watch Cow TV because one was starting to have it's calf.  It turned out kind of miraculous... twins - one dead and one alive and well!!  First time ever! Bless-bless


Finally a newsletter just arrived with the web site for the Little Brothers building their little Monastery in Kansas City!!  "Light of Mary, Mother of God Monastery" is in full swing!!!
https://www.littlebrothersofthelamb.org/

Love!!!  We have fake plans to go on April 20th so see for ourselves!

Making their own doors for the monastery~~~

---

Lourdes water healing/"This is how one LOVES/Good Friday 2018/the 11 in heaven!

With so much excitement and delight did I make the butterfly for 2018... knowing that Nancy was due to hold her Maximilian in her arms on Easter... led me to fulfill a heartfelt dream to picture all of our losses - my 7 plus the 4 grandchildren together in heaven!


Mary appeared in Little Sister habit holding Max surrounded by our boys... now men... as Christopher would be 37 now, Thomas, who died with my sister Mary 32 years ago would be 32, Joseph and Paul, twins would have been 31, and William and Robert, two boys I carried 20 weeks and are buried side by side in the cemetery would be 28 and 26 and finally Mary, whom I had in 1994 would be 24, and was my last pregnancy.  How I prayed that I could have one more to show the world without words that I hadn't quit when I finally had my boy!  But not to be...Then Maria's two losses would be 6 and 7 and Nancy's Peter would be about 3 years old and Max, a newborn.  Pat reminded me that maybe they don't age in heaven, but I guess we will see the answer to that...

There was a perfect spot for the tabernacle in their midst, and I still might add Jesus in the monstrance.  Pondering why I put Mary in the Little Sister habit, which is the blue she also often wears... The perpetual vows Hallel will be taking on the Feast of the Assumption/August 15th this summer are poverty, Chastity, and Obedience... Yes, Mary truly lived by these in her own life! 


Today being Good Friday and looking to our suffering Lord on the Cross which... he was obedient onto Death... brutal death on the Cross!

The Old rugged Cross... This is How One LOVES


When Maria left to join the convent of the Poor Clares on New Years Day 2004/Mary the Mother of God... she left this small note under John's crucifix in his room.  I discovered it a few days later when I was up there to make the beds and pick up, and the tears rolled at the power and majesty of these 5 words! 


Just back from adoring the Cross and listening to and taking part in his passion... by laying my sins on his shoulders and adding to the weight of the Cross and pain of his suffering by my sins, and also in chiming in the words; "Crucify him!" 


The amazing words beginning mass; "The Cross has become truly the Tree of LIFE!"  Yes!!!

John crossing himself this morning with Lourdes water from the holy water font given me 20 years ago by a hospice patient beckoned for me to add Holy water, and we have Lourdes water galore after our 2 visits there in 2009 and 2011  We love and celebrate with our Lourdes water and now another trip in August to celebrate with Hallel her perpetual/final vows on August 15th!!


... So also the Lourdes candle on this special day of remembrance of my Most Cherished Cross, John' cross of brain cancer/healing, the cross of grandson, Patrick, the crosses I share with 2 of my daughters of loss through miscarriage and still birth... Through all of these we find LIFE/LOVE/LIGHT and the Cross truly blossoms as the tree of LIFE! 


Truly the words are the meaning of The Cross and suffering and death of the innocent perfect Lamb without blemish...
This is How One LOVES!

My 2018 Cross for my Easter tree!!!  So much fun and JOY making this one! 


The tree silhouettes are such a thing of beauty this time of year with the sky lights, clouds, sun rising and setting through the branches!!!  The snow laden fields of this late fall weather also a memory for Easter 2018!  I couldn't resist using a John and Bobbi silhouette in front of the stain glass in Ghent church... it just fits and them swinging on the branches of the Cross, too!  Needless to say John and Bobbi are a huge theme for us this Easter year ahead and past!  Also a note of Thanksgiving for the gift of having Hallel here for the year in KC!

Nancy made it for 2 1/2 of the 5 hour Good Friday procession through the poor neighborhood with her 4 kids!  She sent me these great pictures, so that we can share in it from afar!


"Though he was harshly treated, he submitted
and opened not his mouth;
like a lamb led to the slaughter
or a sheep before the shearers,
he was silent and opened not his mouth.
Oppressed and condemned, he was taken away,"  Isaiah 52  the first amazing reading read all through the world at every Catholic Church- so powerful as we all fall on our knees this day!

Dominic watching his Aunt Hallel lead the singing as though angels had come down to earth to give the Lord so much love and Praise for his Sacrifice of LOVE supreme!

GOOD FRIDAY

"His side was pierced as Adam's was; yet there came forth not a

woman who, being beguiled, was to be a death-bearer, but a

fountain of life that regenerates the world by its two streams:

the one to renew us in the baptismal font and clothe us with the

garment of immortality, the other to feed us, the reborn, at the

table of God, just as babes are nourished with milk."

Bishop Theodore of Cyr (15th century)

From the treatise:  On the Incarnation of the Lord

Souls have all the same price,

which is that of the Precious Blood of Jesus."

Blessed Charles de Foucauld

Hallel has become the choir director while here in the U.S.!  The icon looks to be sorrowful Mary at the foot of the Cross... Love this found in the Gospel of John today!!!
"When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved
he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.”
Then he said to the disciple,
“Behold, your mother.”
And from that hour the disciple took her into his home."  John 18-19
Yes, we are to bring her into our homes and she will help us have more peace, love, joy, kindness... in our families as she bears Christ to us!


Nancy shared a sweet story with me about Hallel's wedding day coming up on the Feast of Mary's Assumption to heaven/August 15th in France.  Hallel had asked her to get her two pairs of sandals, and she has no idea what size she wears in American sizes. 


Nancy said that for Nancy's birthday present(April 2nd), she wants to some day pick her up and take her to the mall shopping to pick out her sandals personally, and then go out for a hamburger together.  "Well, I don't know about that." she said kiddingly "Susan you need to keep one of those sandals nice for your wedding day." "Yes, I had already thought that I needed to do that."  "Mom, I can tell that she is happy and excited to be having her wedding to her LOVE, Jesus Christ!"  So sweet!!!

Bernadette gets a super fun ride from Mary Elaina!  She looks so much like my girls and like my sister, Mary!!!  Nancy said that it is 65 degrees there today and look at the green grass!!!

And this part of our family joining in with us as they keep our eyes on heaven!!!  Bless-bless, Barbara Mary Luke

Signing with Lourdes water!!!













My hero for LIFE and family!!!







On the Friday of the Lord's Passion (Good Friday) the Church commemorates the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross for the sins of all mankind, at the same time the Passover lamb was being killed and prepared for consumption among the Jewish people. On this day the Church does not celebrate Mass. The main altar remains completely bare, and the Tablernacle is empty. It is at the 3 o'clock hour on Good Friday that Jesus expired on the Cross, His Divine Mercy being poured out on the whole world. At this hour the Christian faithful should observe a solemn and prayerful silence in memory of the hour in which our salvation was won at so great a price.

Danielle Rose - True love/the Cross

"Do grant, oh my God,

that when my lips approach Yours to kiss You,

I may taste the gall that was given to You;

when my shoulders lean against Yours,

make me feel Your scourging;

when my flesh is united with Yours, in the Holy Eucharist,

make me feel Your passion;

when my head comes near Yours,

make me feel Your thorns;
when my heart is close to Yours,

make me feel Your spear."

St. Gemma Galgani

Late Easter tree in the snow/Holy Thursday/the Lord's supper and washing of feet!

Pondering the pictures that speak to me of this past year, which I use for my Easter tree!!!  This one of our newest member, Joy, spending time in KC with Little Sister Hallel, who has been here for the year is a must!!!


We have received word that Hallel is taking her final vows in France almost exactly 10 years from when she left to enter The Community of the Lamb!  There is much excitement with the girls getting passports for their families and the fake plans are flying. The window is between our County Fair and State Fair... August 15th and combined with John and Bobbi's wedding 2 months before... makes for an exciting summer indeed! 


As Maria stated..."The wedding day of all of your children is happening!"  It seems that Susan/Hallel and John share powerfully in each other's life story!


http://familysoulstory.blogspot.com/p/johns-cancer-stories.html
How powerful was it to have John fighting brain cancer at the same time Hallel was joining her order in France?  The fact that after his second chemo we miraculously went to France to support her as she took her habit and changed her name was out of this world!!!

Of course, these two have to be prominently on either my cross or butterfly for 2018 Easter!!!

Usually on Palm Sunday I would find myself cutting some lilac branches for my "Easter tree."  When you bring them into the house they put out leaves and even lilacs in the warmth.  There have been years when the ones in the house are not much ahead of outside, but this year of SNOW it will be so special to have leaves in a few days!


Standing in the snow behind Ruth's house... Luke came out to take a small branch inside for them.  With baby Joy crawling around it has to be small and up on the counter to last at all!!

I had to drive home with it sticking out the back window... luckily we live on a quiet road and I didn't side swipe anyone coming the other way!

Last night aglow with so many prayers and memories!!!

The first year I made a cross and had each family member make a butterfly!  With this years that means that there should be 14 years of crosses... Yes, it is looking a bit cluttered but my heart soars to see the beauty of each year!!!


2004 Maria was living behind the enclosure with the Poor Clares discerning her call.  I gave her a butterfly through the grill and she placed on it..."Come, Follow me!"  So true for her as she asked the Lord to show her the path he had for her... she discerned out after 5 months and is now married for 11 years this summer and has 5 children here and 2 in heaven! 


The Stations of the Cross are huge in her life and in her discernment!  When she came home one of the first things she did was make me a stations of the Cross in the grove around the house - it is there yet!

Pat and I were talking this morning about Easter last year... It was 2 weeks later and therefore Pat and I were able to go down to KC to share Easter with Nancy and the Community there.  A feast outside in the grass and the Kansas warmth!!!


Joy had been born on March 31st... her first birthday is on Holy Saturday!   She had her baptism in the midst of David's First Communion with about 60 other 2nd graders.  Father's message to the parents..."I baptized your children 8 years ago, where have you been since?  Please bring them to mass each Sunday now to receive Jesus in His Body and Blood." 


How I am yearning to make my Cross and butterfly for 2018!!! I am afraid it will look wintry with the snow that continues to cover our earth for Easter on April 1st, 2018!

A picture that must be included for this Easter Cross... the loss of Maximilian at Thanksgiving.  He was due to be in our arms this Easter, so there is a sadness for our family this year.  I am picturing my butterfly to have Our Lady cradling Max and the other 10...


Today in the Gospel Jesus washes the feet of the disciples.  I have experienced this numerous times on retreat and been on both ends of the foot washing... so powerful and humbling!  Maybe it is my own insecurities but I find having someone washing my feet as more humbling than washing those of others. 


Maybe it is the nurse in me, and how I truly do enjoy and love to care for other's physical needs including bathing those that are unable to do it for themselves... as a hospice nurse working with those close to death... this is a most precious time of honoring them with comfort and washing away the sweat and drainage and secretions that come from our bodies made in his image!


 How Mary must have yearned to wash clean her Son as she held him after all the bleeding, sweating, and falling in the dirt and baking in the hot sun... wash his body now at peace in death and honor the LIFE that had come from her - "Yes!"  So much pain and Trust in The Plan for him... 3 days later to rise to newness of LIFE, and to whom do you think he went first?  

The 3 youngest granddaughters will need to be there somewhere, too!  I imagine how much fun they will have growing up together!!!  Evangeline is 17 months on Easter, Josephine is close to 2 years old in May, and Joy will be one on Holy Thursday in 2 days!  They were born in a years time, and lots of prayers surrounded all of them, and continue to this day.  "Guardian Angels care for them!"

The Cross from the year of our big move/switch of places... 2016


We made the move of Good Friday, and Pat says that it was the right thing to do!  We are staying here for Easter and know that our two in KC will be together for Easter at Lumen Christi!  Maria and Joseph will likely be together with his brother in Seattle.  Ruth and I have fake plans to have us come over and share in the Easter JOY of the little ones and they hunt for eggs - inside this year due to the snow and mud - and then we will have a farm dinner Easter dinner together... then naps!

Love this!!! Therese just turned 10... she was born shortly before Easter 2008, and Susan/Hallel was to be her Godmother!  Therese has a nun for her Godmother and a priest for her Godfather!  Her baby sister also has a priest for her Godfather!


Holy Thursday tonight shared with Ruth, Paul and the kids!!!  The institution of the Eucharist!!!

“Consider, on your knees, the mystery

of God’s love for us, that He didn't want to leave us orphans.

 … For Christ knew our hunger for Himself.

He knew that we would be walking around in the darkness

of a thousand wars and miseries throughout this life. …

This is Holy Thursday.  This is when the Christ we are talking 

about took an ordinary piece of bread and a little wine and changed it into

His Body and His Blood. … Remember this day always, year after year:

the day of Christ’s infinite love, when He went away

and yet He remained, in Bread and Wine, and in the priest. …

In His immense love, Christ chose men

who would have His hands and His feet, in whom He could walk,

in whom He could forgive sins, who could lift Him up, who could give us

the sacrament of the Most Holy Eucharist – the Bread and Wine,

which He said makes for everlasting life! 

The incredible love of God is visible to us! ..."

Catherine de Hueck Doherty

Love this from Easter 2 years ago... a new one is in order for 2018 with a sweet smiling Joy Jean in the midst!!! 

"Without the priest, the passion and death 

of our Lord would be of no avail.  

It is the priest who continues the work of redemption here on earth...

Leave a parish for twenty years without a priest 

and they will end by worshipping the beasts there...

The priest is not a priest  for himself,

he is a priest for you."

"O, how great is the priest!...

If he realized what he is, he would die."

St John Vianney

Patron of all priests

This priest is family, and always there for us in our ups and downs of life!  Father Craig, we love you and thank you for always being there for us!

I was moved in the depth of my heart as his words to us this day of laying our Maximilian to rest..."You are a prolife family."  Yes!!! with all that we have we are open to LIFE and raising LIGHTS for the world!

Jesus, how my heart sings with thanksgiving for all the ways you have ministered to us over this last year.  We arrive now at the Triduum and we fall down and worship as we wash the feet of those in our lives that need our help to find you and be washed clean.  Jesus, may we follow after you carrying/dragging our Most Cherished Cross and finding LIFE/LOVE/LIGHT.  Jesus, we trust in you.  Amen

A profound LOVE of LIFE!  How I prayed that my girls would not have to experience this loss, but his plan is not ours, and instead I was there with them at the times of their losses!  We walked across the cemetery to visit their dearly beloved grandma Ann's grave and beside her their two brothers, William and Robert, who I lost at 20 weeks each!  Bless-bless, Barbara Mary Luke... my eyes on heaven to see my 7 someday... Christopher, Thomas, Joseph, Paul, William, Robert and Mary joined with 4 grandchildren!

http://familysoulstory.blogspot.com/p/my-most-cherished-cross-patrick-gerard.html

Praying for peace for all this Triduum!

“If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.”-John 13: 14-15

HOLY THURSDAY

Today Catholics around the world celebrate the institution of the Eucharist as the true body and blood soul and divinity of Jesus Christ and the institution of the sacrament of the priesthood.

During the Last Supper, Jesus offers himself as the Passover sacrifice, the sacrificial lamb....

At this Mass, the priest washes the feet of twelve people to symbolize Christ’s washing of his twelve Apostles.

Holy Thursday marks the end of Lent and the beginning of the sacred "Triduum,” or three, of Holy Week. These days are the three holiest days in the Catholic Church.

At the conclusion of the Mass, the faithful are invited to continue Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament throughout the night, just as the disciples were invited to stay up with the Lord during His agony in the garden before His betrayal by Judas.

After Holy Thursday, no Mass will be celebrated again in the Church until the Easter Vigil celebrates and proclaims the Resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Yes!!!

Danielle Rose - A Mother's Song/The Crucifixion

Danielle Rose - If I touch him

Francesca Batistelli - Lead me to the Cross

Ginny Owens - If you want me to