"Come after me..."/sharing with my girls is part of being a mom!

I have no pictures taken in the last days with my being laid up with my new knee.  Only Pat and my Physical therapist yesterday... no picture worthy opportunities.


Number 2 shows me how big and cute she is getting to be with that thick dark hair like her moms, but without the curls of her mom.

We had high hopes/fake plans that Maria's bunch was going to be coming for Christmas, but it looks like they are not able to make it here.  So sad!!!

And #3 - she covered it like a blanket and my inner psycho is satisfied.  Like mother like daughter, I guess!

Just talking to my mother on the phone... how I long to be able to go back there to my peaceful get away with my two parents!  Pat has been teasing me about going this weekend, but 8 hours in the car is way more than I can fathom.  Yet, in two weeks from today we will be heading out for CCC/Cross Christmas Camp, and that will be 4 hours one way, too!  Lord, give me the strength!  I know I will be lifted up and given all I need to get there and enjoy my time with my huge family!  We are over 120 now!

Now from a fall camping trip in the cold!

Talk about sharing something with my daughters like my photo taking.  Well, mom and I agreed that for Hallel and I to be sharing our right knees at the same time is kind of wild!  How I think about her and pray for her day and night as we suffer together yet apart.  I pray that it is not nearly as difficult for her, but being in the midst of it myself... I think I know too much about the sleepless nights, the achiness, the fatigue, the fatigue, the exhausted feeling, the lack of appetite/nothing tastes good, the wooziness from the pain meds, and then when they are gone... the ache that tylenol just doesn't touch.  How I pray that Hallel is having a better time of it.  It will be best for us to get through these weeks and on the mend!

One thing I do know about Hallel... she has a nun, Little Sister Sarah, who was a nurse before she entered The Community of the Lamb caring for her every needs, and that is very comforting.  I hope and pray that she is a better patient than I have been from time to time.

A sweet picture taken of Evangeline!   We haven't seen her in person since June, when they came for John and Bobbi's wedding.  We were able to spend some time with Joe, Maria, Therese and little Dave in France in August!

Only 2 this time... I will try to manage.  Deep breaths!

Jesus, is there calling out to me to follow after him and to leave all behind!  Today St Andrew shows us the way we are to immediately go after him... trusting and giving our all without counting the cost!  St Andrew pray for us on this your feast day!

The story is that Therese made  this habit to be St Clare for All Saints Day...

"Saint Clare

Seriously, this habit she made is amazing!

And all she had was a brown flannel sheet and a picture of Saint Clare."

Maria shared that these two wanted to come and visit, so they climbed into the post box!

Lord, we want to be yours!  Jesus, we trust in you.  Bless-bless, Barb

We miss you EVie!  

Therese too, and David, Patrick and Romeo... soon you will be a big sister for the first time Evangeline!  A new baby brother in March!  LIFE is a gift from conception to natural death!







The Christmas novena starts today - the feast of St. Andrew! The tradition is to pray this prayer 15 times a day from now until Christmas Eve, and to keep a special intention in mind as you pray.
That might sound like a lot, but it only takes about 5 minutes; the length of a rosary decade or so. While you pray, contemplate the mystery of the Incarnation, and the King of Heaven coming to earth as a child!
If you have our Christmas novena bracelet, it's especially easy to keep track of your prayers. (http://ow.ly/i99H50jO22V)
Read more about the novena here:http://ow.ly/8HJh50jO2bs

"Mighty deeds"/Grand/Tall Hallel/Perseverance!

Nancy visiting Hallel behind the cloister today... she is to be in bed today, and then must adjust to crutches to keep off of her right leg for 6 weeks.  The surgery is done and now on to mend.

As I sit here with my right knee up... there is something very close and emotional to know that my daughter is sharing in the experience.  When I called today... Nancy happened to be visiting Hallel, so Hallel answered the phone.  She described her pain as "just achy" which is the word I use for mine at this point of 3 weeks since my new knee.  

I hope and pray that Hallel has less of the mental anguish that I am struggling with.  To be in the midst of this dark night of the soul with my challenging nights... it is hard knowing that she has similar challenges.  One thing I am sure of... we are praying for each other and that really helps to look outside of myself and not inwards all the time.

I recall how Hallel has taught me the meaning of her name she chose when she joined the order.  Hallel meaning giving God all the praise.  The last 5 Psalms - 145-150 are called the Hallel Psalms.  She then told me that those Psalms previous to that around 100 are called the Grand Hallel Psalms!  The word for Grand in French also means Tall, so there is humor there as American Little Sister Hallel is about 5'10" and almost a foot taller than the tiny French sisters... Tall Hallel indeed!

This is by my bed to remind me of the shared journey of recovery of our right knees, and all the prayers that are surrounding me!  Bernadette prays for grandma every night!

Today was Psalm 98 and if ever there was a grand Hallel Psalm this would be it!

R. (Rev. 15: 3b) Great and wonderful are all your works, Lord, mighty God!
Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done wondrous deeds;
His right hand has won victory for him,
his holy arm.

It is interesting that they used this phrase from the Revelations reading for the response as it too would qualify as being the highest praise to the Lamb!!

"Great and wonderful are your works,
Lord God almighty.
Just and true are your ways,
O king of the nations.
Who will not fear you, Lord,
or glorify your name?
For you alone are holy.
All the nations will come
and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed."  Revelations 15

Archbishop Naumann, to whom I owe all the thanks for getting The Community of the Lamb into the heart of the U.S.  How we need their prayers and life lived as the Poor!

Deep LOVE and Worship happens here daily!  

I am keeping this short today!  Much in the Gospel today speaks of perseverance and that it what i must do with my putting one foot in front of the other.  I am now needing to leave my home for therapy and other needs almost daily, and that is requiring a lot from me.  I will do it and am up to the task, but the Lord is my helper and He led me to it and now will lead me through it!  My couch is calling with the rosary beads and nap... your prayers are what I rely on!  Bless-bless, Barb 

"let the plains be joyful and all that is in them!" Psalm 96/Hallel on my mind, heart, soul,knee/End times?

Love to see Hallel sharing her Joy with a young girl from Argentina in front of the miraculous grotto of The LIGHT of Mary, the Mother of God.  My prayers and thoughts are focused on my 4th daughter on this day...

At 3p she will be having surgery on her right knee just almost 3 weeks after her mother had a new right knee put in!  My journey started when I was 16 about 50 years ago when I went downhill skiing for the only time in my life and tore the meniscus in my left knee.  They removed the buckled meniscus, and it would make sense that now 50 years later they put a small scope in and sew it back together.  She must stay off of it for 6 weeks!  Crutches and a wheel chair await her recovery. 

She will have it done by a renowned surgeon, who is the surgeon for the Kansas City Chiefs!  The Lord smiled on this poor sister in blue and the connections of her Community of the Lamb has paid off with her being in good hands. 

John and Bobbi with Hallel after their wedding in June.

With my nighttime struggles and short on sleep... I find myself quite teary and emotional today.  I have wept about Hallel as she is following in her mom's weak and wobbly footsteps, and this old mess of a woman cannot be there for her!

I was reminded by Ruth that she really has a wonderful situation to recover as she does not have a husband and family to care for as Ruth would in similar circumstances.  I know that she will be cared for lovingly by the others and that Nancy will look in on her tomorrow when she goes for her hour of Adoration.  Pictures could be coming, too!

Some years back with my Susan/now Little Sister Hallel!

Who knew that we would share right knees at the same time.  My hope and prayer is that taking this step towards healing now will give her less pain and good knees for the rest of her days.  Replacements are wonderful in the long run, but it is a hard and emotional and sleepless road to get there! 

Our 5 when Hallel was home last time in Spring of 2017.  The baby girls are now around 2, and soon the picture will be with Nancy arms full, Maria's arms full and John's arms full as they are all 3 expecting in March! 

We are all circling Hallel with prayers this day and forward. 

These 3 are all sharing being 6 now!  LOVE!

The wind has been howling on the plains/prairies for some days now.  Nancy and Bill traveled to KC in blizzard winds... so the Psalm 96 spoke to me today as it reminds me of all that I have to be joyful about even though my emotions and anxiety is pretty shaky right now.  I am called to recall all that Jesus does for me in sharing our faith as a family and raising lights for the world!  This rough patch will pass, and without the hard times and sufferings the good would not be nearly so great!

These 3 girls are now 2... actually Joy has a few months to go yet as her birthday is March 30th. 

It was fun to see Josephine and Joy together more over Thanksgiving...

Someday hopefully they can be close like Rose and Bernadette!

Today there is talk in the Gospel about the end times.  How do we take that all in?  It is a mystery, and all we need do is be ready at all times with prayer, living our lives as Jesus would, looking to Jesus in Word and Sacrament, and following all the teachings and wisdom of The Church.  Our Lady is always there to assist us and bring us to her Son, and all those amazing Saints are there to assist us on our journey.  Jesus warns us to go delving into this ourselves or listen to doom end of times voices...He answered,
"See that you not be deceived,
for many will come in my name, saying,
'I am he,' and 'The time has come.' 
Do not follow them!  Luke 21

Yes, Lord, all I long for is to come to You in every moment of every day and dwell with you forever in heaven!  May I drag my most Cherished Cross down the narrow path after you, Jesus, we trust in you.  Bless-bless, Barb

Yes!!!

Baby sharks/art work to cheer up grandma/Big family happenings/"The ones who follow the Lamb wherever he goes"

After our farm family Thanksgiving feast with John, Ruth, and Nancy with their families... the dance started with grandma dancing on the couch with her foot up.

Rose, Luke and Berna doing the shark song that is familiar from our TEC years.  They made grandma happy and smile which is good medicine these days!  The song starts with baby sharks, momma sharks, daddy sharks, grandma and grandpa sharks...

The beautiful feast and the hard working wonderful family... grandma showed up to eat and left the cleanup too.  We know that there are times when we need to be babied a bit.  How I long to get back on my feet... literally! 

The beautiful paper chains of cheer were the hard work of "the art factory" which David was in charge of!  So much work and they were each unique and beautiful.  Mary added a goat to each 5th one... she is currently enraptured with goats!

David knows how much grandma loves art, so the kids knocked themselves out with so much wonderful works of art! 

LOVE!

A banner card signed by each of the kids... Faith/family/Farm make my world go round!

In a big family hug!!!  18 of us missing Maria's 7 and Hallel.  The opportunity to gather was Saturday evening, and all we care is a chance to come together and share a meal of Thanksgiving led by prayer where we all went around to give one thing we are thankful for... lots of their spouse, family, cousins and a new knee...

Getting back to KC turned out to be a big challenge for Nancy and Bill with a blizzard between here and KC.  They started out early afternoon on Sunday, had to pull off and get a hotel due to the expressway being closed about 3 hours from KC, and finally got home today about an hour ago.  "It was slow going, and we saw many cars and trucks in the ditch."  So glad they are home safe! 

John leading the kids in another TEC fun one..."I had an Aunt..."

Dancing off the meal before pie...

Hallel called me last night to fill me in on her right knee.  She will be having scope same day surgery tomorrow afternoon at 3p to sew her torn meniscus back together.  She will then have to stay off her leg for 6 weeks!  She has gotten a wheelchair and crutches in preparation for this time of recovery.

She shared that her ortho surgeon is the same surgeon for the Kansas City Chiefs!  Through some connection with her Community of the Lamb... they got Hallel in with him.  I feel very good about the job he will do for her.  I guess they have come a long way from 50 years ago when I went downhill skiing for the only time in my life and tore my meniscus... they took it out and I was bone on bone since with pain and now 3 joint replacements.  Being on crutches for 6 weeks to get back to knee health sounds good when you consider all that I have endured!  A small scope will be inserted and then sewing it back together... home again by tomorrow night!

The beautiful table using grandma Ann's dishes!  Family together is the BEST part of all!  Praying for what we are thankful for... new life, too!  Bobbi, Nancy and Maria all due in March!

Gus showing grandma his art work with the red barn!

I am struggling to get this done today... Had to go out for lab check and realized how much that takes out of me.  Trying to get a handle on my anxiety and nights yet. 

I loved the readings today... the one from Revelations is about The Lamb!  With Hallel and her Community of the Lamb now part of our family... Jesus, the Lamb slain for us is very powerful and REAL!
They were singing what seemed to be a new hymn before the throne,
before the four living creatures and the elders.
No one could learn this hymn except the hundred and forty-four thousand
who had been ransomed from the earth.
These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever he goes.
They have been ransomed as the first fruits
of the human race for God and the Lamb.
On their lips no deceit has been found; they are unblemished.
Revelations 14

Love the smiles of JOY!

All very mysterious indeed is the vision of the Lamb... all I know is that I want to be one of those that follow the Lamb wherever he goes!  For me now that means joining in the suffering of the Lamb and how I long to live out this motto of The Community of the Lamb..."Wounded, I will not cease to love."  I admit that I have failed to be cheerful when i am feeling less than happy and hurting and sick and tired of being sick and tired, and anxious, and exhausted.  Yes, even then we are called to be loving and forgiving and positive and look out rather than inward.

Lord, help me to do better.  Jesus, I trust in you.  Bless-bless, Barb

We took 2, and i am happy to be taking the picture.  





True indeed!

St Clare speaking my language today!

Yesterday... got to 8a mass... it was rough on my couch listening to the words and responding.  Jesus, King of the Universe!!!  May I do better at following your example and loving without counting the cost!

Happy Feast of Christ the King!!

Isn't it comforting to know that *this* is not our home? We are working towards the kingdom of Heaven!

How do you celebrate today's feast?

Close to heaven today/prayers in the dark/Dance party

High pony tails all around!!!  All the girls including "my girl/Nancy" had put in high pony tails to swing while they had a dance party after supper at Ruth and Paul's last night!

12 year old Mary charms many when she swing dances with her wonderful dad.  At John and Bobbi's wedding dance many commented on how much they enjoyed Paul dancing with his daughter.

 Grandpa surrounded by girls with high pony tails... even Joy and Josephine!

Today is the anniversary of the loss of Maximilian while we were in KC for Thanksgiving last year.  Nancy and Bill just returned from the cemetery in the cold wind of Southwest Minnesota to pray and recall how he keeps their eyes on heaven... to meet him someday and celebrate the 20 weeks of life that he shared with them!

The Gospel today as well as the first reading from Revelations speak of heaven and remind us of the mystery it all is.  What I do know is that all I long for with every beat of my heart and every breath that I take is to be in heaven forever with my Jesus, Mary, all the Saints, and my beloved family!  That is all that I strive for with all that I have!

Such a precious marker and so powerful to recall how Nancy met her Blessed Mother in the midst of the darkness, misery, suffering and pain involved in delivering her deceased son at 20 weeks.

https://www.dosmallthingswithlove.com/2018/02/mary-is-real-and-she-loves-you-2.html

Nancy's sharing;

The sudden trauma of a stillborn baby is hard to describe. While there is the shock of what has happened and the complete reordering of the future, there is also the physical reality of loss. A reality that requires induction, labor and delivery.

Simply, it’s awful.

I was ushered up to Labor and Delivery, given a robe and a room, just as I would have if I was there to deliver a full-term, healthy baby. The doctors and nurses were kind, but they generally just let me be. No need for monitors, there’s not heartbeat anyway. No need for checks or game plans. It’s just a matter of waiting and enduring.

And in that silent, dark room, the drugs started to drip in and my body started to slowly, painfully respond.  The hours ticked by and we waited, not really knowing what to expect, except that the baby inside of me was dead and that the future we had fallen in love with was never going to be.

The hours we spent waiting for Maximilian to be delivered were some of the darkest I have experienced. I wept until I was completely dehydrated and numb, and yet, in those moments I also received one of the most profound gifts of my life.

I was allowed to experience Mary.

Thanks to all I had been taught growing up Catholic, I knew to call on Mary in my pain. I began to pray the ‘Hail Mary’, aloud and silently, and when that seemed too much, I fell into simply saying her name. “Mary, Mary, Mary,” and as I did, I could feel her presence in that room. She did not come gradually, but suddenly and all at once, as if she had been just waiting for me to call.

Thinking back on those moments I can visualize exactly where she was standing in the room, just to the right of my bed, looking directly at me.  I never doubted that she was really there, right there.  But more than anything I remember feeling a deep stillness emanating from where she stood. I knew she was there gazing on me with love.

My experience of Mary was really quite simple. There were no bright lights or premonitions or words from heaven. Just a feeling of peace and love, and the comfort of knowing that she was there and she loved me.

A week after they came and we had a service with Father Craig in the cemetery here in Marshall!

Entering the empty church after about 4:30 as the sun was setting and dark surrounded me... praying for Fr Denny through Seven Sisters was a difficult gift last evening.  Darkness has become my challenge with this knee replacement as with the two previous... the nights are the worst part of it all!  

The glowing tabernacle light and tabernacle reminds me of the presence of my Lord and Savior, the Lamb of God!

While reading the office/evening prayer as I know Fr Denny and all priests are joining their prayers morning and evening... Psalm 41 spoke consoling words to me...The "LORD sustains him on his sickbed,you turn down his bedding whenever he is ill.^{*  My sickbed has become very real to me these last few weeks... how I cling to Him!}

^{Longing to come out of the darkness into the LIGHT of healing and peace.  Another hard night fills me with fatigue and anxiety.  Longing to get through this rough patch with each new day!}

^{Jesus, I am yours.  Jesus, I trust in you.  Bless-bless, Barb}

^Joy!!!