St Aloysius Gonzaga, teach us purity of heart.

So many feelings and emotions come flowing over us at this time... looking back two years and the shock that came to us in the form of our healthy 20 year old son coming to the realization that a foreign and deadly cancer had taken root in the center of his brain!  

Today is the feast day of a 23 year old saint - St Aloysius Gonzaga, who gave up his princely state in life to become a religious and serve the poor.  He was serving the sick during a plague and died as a result of contracting the disease.  John is now 22 and he has regained his new normal with the cancer gone from his brain, yet changed by the many procedures he endured as well as the new faith-filled perspective he has gained through his Cross and healing through this humbling and life-changing Tree of Life.. the Cross called Cancer/Healing!

This crucifix in the chapel where I shed many tears and was in a constant state of prayer for my precious son... was the vision of St Peregrine where Christ reached down from the crucifix and cured him from cancer!  So out of this world amazing for me, and that rosary was always in my pocket reminding me of Our Lady standing with me at the foot of the Cross and giving me all the support I needed to put it in that outreached hand and give it to HIM  to control and HEAL!  Jesus, we trust in you!  

Today's Gospel is from Matt 7 and is about entering through "the narrow gate..."How narrow the way and constricted the road that leads to life."  Mt 7: 14  Those that we call "Saint" like Aloyisius certainly chose to live a life that most would run very fast in the other direction to avoid!  We look at another example of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta or Blessed John Paul II and the difficult work they did in our modern day world!  One working with the poorest of the poor and one grappling with our huge and confusing and difficult issues of the Roman Catholic Church.  The way that he is shown weighted down in prayer for the burden he was given as Pope... he took it all to heart and very seriously in helping each one of the billions of Catholics in the world to find the "narrow path." 

How we rejoiced in the way that John's cancer brought our family together - even Susan came home from France to be at her brother's side and to fill her arms with her precious little nephews and neices! 

So much love and prayer support... we found peace in leaving it all in the Lord's hands - "Remember mom, this is the storm and Jesus is there to calm the sea - He is in control!"  Yes!   We need to always remember that and to go forward down the "narrow path" that it laid out for us.  In a way that is a blessing that we do not have a lot of options misleading us as it would be on a wide road that leads to "destruction."  

 

Talk about the pure of heart... just look in the eyes of a little one!  

We are off to Nancy's American Indian Alternative school.... I am excited to see this place where Nancy has poured out her heart and soul for the last 3 years, and now that time is needed by her precious little Augustine!   Jesus, thank you for this island of family/faith/follow the narrow path... give us the patience and trust to put it all in your hands as we go forward in your love, peace and joy... Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

"What St Bernard says of the apparition of the angel sent to the shepherds at the nativity of Christ... is to the point here:  'How many of the powerful and of the wise men of the world were resting in their soft beds at that hour, and none of them was esteemed worthy to see this new light, to know the great joy and to hear the angels singing!'  He thence draws this beautiful conclusion:  'If God designed to show such love to those shepherds, who were poor out of necessity on account of the pleasure this virtue of detachment gives him, how much greater love will that same God not show to those who are poor in spirit and are such by their own free will!  For this is the way, which can save your souls, and there is no other way besides it.  He who goes by another way, falls rather, because humility alone exalts, it is also it alone that leads to life.'"   St Aloysius Gonzaga (1591)  

There is no answer to the eternal question - what does this cry mean?

Simon was our first grandchild, and now I am spending time with my 6th grandchild and we are reminded of the adjustment that a little one means to our lives...

We are always trying to figure out just what this little one is trying to tell us, and we are reminded over and over that there is really nothing to do but take it as it comes.  If they are fed and dry and safe... sometimes it is all we can do for them. 

Here I am with my mom and two grandmas... I am sure that my mom had a million questions about me, and she shared about how my dad would shake the bassinet with his foot while he studied, so it appears that I had a good set of lungs also!   We all make it through, and I still am not shell shocked by the time of the newborns... I still consider my nest years as the best years of my life.  How I loved the little ones all safely around me!

Ruth Ida - our first daughter - being baptized... I look like I am surviving the first few weeks of motherhood.  I know that every time that my children were baptized... I was deeply touched by the power, majesty and beauty of the Baptism rite.  I felt as deeply touched by the service yesterday for Augustine!  The most beautiful day of our lives, when the original sin is washed away and we join our life to Christ's and His amazing Church!  

Here is Nancy's baptism with her Godmother, Mary and Raterra.  Raterra stopped in yesterday to meet 

Gus and congratulate him on his special day.  The love continues on from generation to generation and Mary sends hers from heaven, as she will have the 25th anniversary of her death on July 3rd.

Nancy receiving the oils of baptism in the arms of her Godmothers!  I just had to have 

Bill come and look at this baby picture of Nancy - he said that it looks like Nancy, and we can see a bit of Gus in there too!   

It was fun to find these old pictures and remember the great times we had as family, and the laughter, and the tears that paved the path of life... It is wonderful to have Nancy feeling better tonight, and taking it more calmly as it comes, and realizing that there are not always answers to why the baby is crying.  He needs his mom to be close and to love and nurture him.  That has been true from the beginning of time, and most new moms lose sleep at night in the process of figuring out how much our little ones depend on us for all of their needs!

Baby John with his 4 older sisters!   I was just telling them about the hairs that would get wound around John's toe in the sleeper... I wonder where they would come from?  That answer unlike some was pretty obvious.  Nancy saw a mom with 7 children out in the lobby at the Alpha center today... "I had always thought that I would have 8 kids, but now I question if I could be strong enough."   Time will tell and Nancy you will find the strength and ability to handle all that will come to you in the name of family, faith, and your future domestic Church!  Jesus, we trust in you!

Bless-bless, Barb with my dad and grandfathers at a few months of age... I wonder if I had just cried and impressed them all royally too?!?  Probably!  They probably just had said; 

"Quick take the picture!  She's awake and not crying!"

  

There is no answer to the eternal question - what does this cry mean?

Simon was our first grandchild, and now I am spending time with my 6th grandchild and we are reminded of the adjustment that a little one means to our lives...

We are always trying to figure out just what this little one is trying to tell us, and we are reminded over and over that there is really nothing to do but take it as it comes.  If they are fed and dry and safe... sometimes it is all we can do for them. 

Here I am with my mom and two grandmas... I am sure that my mom had a million questions about me, and she shared about how my dad would shake the bassinet with his foot while he studied, so it appears that I had a good set of lungs also!   We all make it through, and I still am not shell shocked by the time of the newborns... I still consider my nest years as the best years of my life.  How I loved the little ones all safely around me!

Ruth Ida - our first daughter - being baptized... I look like I am surviving the first few weeks of motherhood.  I know that every time that my children were baptized... I was deeply touched by the power, majesty and beauty of the Baptism rite.  I felt as deeply touched by the service yesterday for Augustine!  The most beautiful day of our lives, when the original sin is washed away and we join our life to Christ's and His amazing Church!  

Here is Nancy's baptism with her Godmother, Mary and Raterra.  Raterra stopped in yesterday to meet 

Gus and congratulate him on his special day.  The love continues on from generation to generation and Mary sends hers from heaven, as she will have the 25th anniversary of her death on July 3rd.

Nancy receiving the oils of baptism in the arms of her Godmothers!  I just had to have 

Bill come and look at this baby picture of Nancy - he said that it looks like Nancy, and we can see a bit of Gus in there too!   

It was fun to find these old pictures and remember the great times we had as family and the laughter and the tears that paved the path of life... It is wonderful to have Nancy feeling better tonight and taking it more calmly as it comes, and realizing that there are not always answers to why the he is crying.  He needs his mom to be close and to love and nurture him.  That has been true from the beginning of time, and most new moms loose sleep at night in the process of figuring out how much our little ones depend on us for all of their needs!

Baby John with his 4 older sisters!   I was just telling them about the hairs that would get wound around John's toe in the sleeper... I wonder where they would come from?  That answer unlike some was pretty obvious.  Nancy saw a mom with 7 children out in the lobby at the Alpha center today... "I had always thought that I would have 8 kids, but now I question if I could be strong enough."   Time will tell and Nancy you will find the strength and ability to handle all that will come to you in the name of family, faith, and your future domestic Church!  Jesus, we trust in you!

Bless-bless, Barb with my dad and grandfathers at a few months of age... I wonder if I had just cried and impressed them all royally too?!?  Probably!  They probably just had said; 

"Quick take the picture!  She's awake and not crying!"

  

"the splinter in your brother's eye.."

A day with my daughter and grandson - A day of remembrance of the day 2 years ago reading the Gospel for today as we faced our first day in Sioux Falls... waiting with deep anxiety to discover what was in John's brain!   I had thought that it was due to an old eye injury John had gotten while running behind a friend, who had a stake in his hand and brought it back to hit John in the left eye!  It had come close to the nerve in the back of his eye and sure blindness, but had left him with only moderate damage thankfully!

I had picked daisies in the ditch on my way to be with John in Sioux Falls, along with Our Lady and our family!  We laughed out loud to have this reading as we sat at his bedside and read the Gospel for today. For John had been to two eye doctors the week before - thinking that the injury had flared up after his days on the 4 wheeler out checking crops in his job with Centrol for the summer.  It was the Lord helping us to know that HE was in control and all we needed to do was relax and place it at his feet - the foot of what turned out to be the cross called John's cancer/healing!  

There is so much that gets us through each day and all the challenges that come our way... today we are dealing with Postpartum Depression and Nancy is placing her trust in the Lord and the wisdom of her sister, who is a Creighton Model Instructor!  We need to concentrate on those things within ourselves that are in need of the Holy Spirit to heal and control...

Lord, we ask for your patience with us as we muddle through the challenges of life - trying to look around the huge "wooden beam" that is in our eyes to see the "splinter that is in our brother's eye!"  That wooden beam is the most cherished Cross through which we need to pass to come to the JOY of the resurrection!  May we place our lives in your hands and grow ever closer to you in our weakness and struggles... we know that you are there carrying us in our weak state and that you come to us in our lamblike state!  Save us from our own ravaging wolves! Jesus, we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

Jesus said to his disciples:  "Stop judging, that you may not be judged.... Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?  You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye." Matt 7:1-5 The Gospel for today and his day 2 years ago in SF as we waited, laughed , and hoped.  That hope has now blossomed to a year and a half without any sign of cancer - "Mom, I am done with cancer!  I beat cancer's butt!" from John to me and the world!  Now to beat Postpartum Depression in the Butt!  We will with God and the wisdom of Creighton Model Natural Method!    

The most beautiful day of your life!

I was looking at Baptism on line last night as I was making little Augustine's card.... one place I was reading that this is the most beautiful day of your life as your original sin is washed away and you become a Christian!  It filled me with much excitement to be celebrating this event of great JOY, on this the anniversary that started John's cancer journey.

It was a beautiful family day and the focus was on tiny baby Gus and his becoming a member of the Church!  Not on John with something scary in his brain that didn't belong there.  It is so wonderful to see John now knowing the power of prayer and the healing that resulted from that, and now to see Gus starting on his lifelong journey of faith with the healing and cleansing waters of baptism!  

Blessing and Invocation of God over Baptismal Water
Celebrant:" Father, you give us grace through sacramental signs, which tell us of the wonders                      of your unseen power. In baptism we use your gift of water, which you have made a rich symbol of the grace you give us in this sacrament.

                     At the very dawn of creation your Spirit breathed on the waters, making them the                      wellspring of all holiness. Your Son willed that water and blood should flow from his side as he hung upon the cross. And after his resurrection Christ told his disciples: "Go out and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit

                     Father, look now with love upon your Church, and unseal for them the fountain of                      baptism. By the power of the Spirit give to the water of this font the grace of your Son.

                      You created us in your own likeness: cleanse us from sin in a new birth to                       innocence by water and the Spirit."  I thought that this was amazing, so I looked it up and am filled with wonder and awe.   Jesus, we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!

I am at Nancy's for a few days and will get my baptism pictures on here soon... Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

A frightening anniversary!

On this vigil of the Holy Trinity... and John in the midst of writing about his cancer journey for the Relay for Life event next weekend... there are many things pulling our thoughts back to our terrifying discovery of "something abnormal" in John's brain on Father's Day 2009 here in the Marshall ER!  John had been complaining of double vision, which was worsening by the day, and we finally had to take him in to get a CT scan.  The result was the most unexpected and worst thing a parent could ever hear... a tumor in the brain! 

This was taken the weekend before - we had all gathered for a graduation reception for John's twin cousins in St Paul... He was complaining about his eyes, and went down the basement and slept through the entire reception.  Fatigue was also a symptom that got to be worse and worse.  At the time I thought that he had been very rude and selfish to do such a thing, but later realized that they were all warning signs!  It was so freaky to pick up a magazine in the Marshall ER and read about a young girl, who had discovered that she had a brain tumor with vision changes... I even read part of it to John and his dad just before they came to tell us that we needed to go to Sioux Falls to get an MRI and try to discover just what it was that they could see in his brain that didn't belong there! 

Gettting all my kids together minus Hallel called for a photo shoot in the midst of the beautiful hostas that lined the steps of Maria and Joseph's new home in St Paul!

This became our wonderful place of rest where our family was drawn together by John's brain cancer... so many nights there coming and going from Rochester for the 6 weeks of whole brain radiation and chemo.  How we prayed and laughed and cried and worried and trusted and talked and were silent in the face of something too big for us to control... God was in control, and we were lifted up by a army of prayer warriors... to the point that John seemed to be totally at peace with every arrow that flew at us.  He became David in the face of Goliath as he seemed to be totally calm and trusting in the outcome of healing! 

Nancy made this her home too, and so we would be there with two of our daughters under the same roof.  For the time of this battle was also the time that Nancy and Bill met and forged ahead in their relationship and then engagement in April and marriage in August and now the arrival of sweet gift of God, Augustine!  He is to be baptized into the Church tomorrow up in the Cities, so we all are excited to gather and to celebrate his entry into the Church and Father's day and John's healing - now 18 months cancer free! 

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph... your Holy Family is with us as we remember the last two years and how they have molded and changed us and taught beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are in control and that we can TRUST in you.  Life is too big and hard and unpredictable... we need to hand it to you, and then not take it back ever!  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

2 Corinthians 13:11-14 2nd reading at mass for Holy Trinity Sunday! 

New International Version (NIV)
Final Greetings
11 "Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
12 Greet one another with a holy kiss. 13 All God’s people here send their greetings.
14 May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. "

Mark 4:35-41

New International Version (NIV)
Jesus Calms the Storm

35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
41 They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

This was the reading on Father's Day two years ago... when we called France to tell Susan of our terrifying news... her words to me were...."Mom, did you hear the Gospel for today?  This is the storm and Jesus is in control!"  My fears were calmed as the sea.  Jesus, we trust in you.