Remember your mercy, Lord, and the love you have shown from of old. Ps 25

Once again a stuggle with our computer has made me wonder what the Lord is telling me. We have finally faced that our old one is outdated after only 5 years and that is showing us the pace of things getting "larger". Our computers reveal to us the size of the baggage that we are putting on ourselves in all areas of our lives... It is quite oppressive and yes expensive not only in money terms but also in the toll it takes on our time and lives spent sitting in front of the computer screen! I am the first to say that the days spent without it to wander over to time and time again... I feel like I am coming off a chemical of some sort! In other words... what John and Pat say... I am addicted! I do know too that when I pour my heart out here to you all... I am looking for a word in return and it comes at times too.... so I keep going back with hope for sharing with you on a one to one level. I love to hear back from out there in computer land... do not hesitate to write and share wtih me on our emails... for some reason here doesn't work well for most... I do have it that you can share here too... Our emails are verlygrl@starpoint.net or barbverly@yahoo.com... I love to hear from you!

I was worn out in a good way after a weekend with family here filling up the house, calving out in the increasing mud, and being on call for work.... The meals and going from one to planning the next is a lot. Meals are a production with about a dozen people to feed. It was reminicent of the farm days to have the kids around the table first and then get them to their nap places, and then have Pat with his two son in laws and Nancy's boyfriend all troop in from jobs outside getting the bulls in a new area... To have 4 men around the table eating together and discussing things they have yet to do and Pat's favorite things... Ask him farming questions.... Then the little ones start climbing up on grandpa's lap...

Pat would show up late for meals many times... just had one more thing to do... many times the kids would climb up in his lap and would help hiim eat his lunch. It was delightful for them and Pat so enjoys the little ones. He is a wonderful father and equally loving grandfather. The two almost 2 year olds that were here this weekend are constantly looking for him and wanting to be where he is! I often think that our kids are the way they are much to the credit of their wonderful involved father. I mean involved in every little aspect of their lives! He is there and he is interested and his questions never come to an end! I think that it is a lesson to fathers.... be interested and communicate with your kids. Yes, he drove some of them a bit nuts... but they always knew that he loved them and has their best interest for them at heart. John and I were just talking at breakfast about how Pat keeps wondering if John is working on his left hand.... he can be a bit nagging, but at heart he just wants John to be better and the best that he can be and it is going to take lots of hard work!

I had taken some pictures of pictures with my camera this morning... It is going along with the memories of the days when the kids were young and how they filled our days with delight! I can not remember hardly ever an argument among the kids... I give our oldest, Ruth so much credit... she is so laid back and loving and kind and maybe the fact that i lost one between her and Nancy was part of her joyful and loving acceptance of each sibling! I do feel that the fact that we were open with the kids that we had about each pregnancy and then when sometimes it was lost... we opennly grieved as a family... Some would say to me... "Why don't you just wait to see if you will have a baby or not before you announce your pregnancy to your family and to the world?" I see now that the sharing of the joy and the pain with our family has brought us to a depth and a profound appreciation for each of their siblings that they have here with them and a looking toward heaven where they will meet the other 6 someday. People ask how our family turned out as close and open to our shared faith... sharing the cross is my answer to you! The cross was not hidden or never spoken about... it was there and we felt the pain and loss as a family!

I will add pictures with this entry... I love the fact that the girls "handed down" the little green snow suit... I even think that John wore it but I missed that picture... he did however wear the same "barn" coverall that I had found second hand at the thrift shop as the girls... I have the green snowsuit 2 year olds in my bookcase... after I took the famous one of the 4 girls in their snowsuits... I came across the other 3 in the same one and put them together to enjoy years ago.... I also came across going back a generation to me and my sisters along side the 4 girls in our nighties... You see I am the oldest of 11 and our family started with 3 girls! So it has been a joy to relive that with my own family...plus one of course. I hope that you enjoy these as much as I enjoy reliving my life now in 3 generations by one of my favorite things pictures! I do know to if we are asking the Lord for his mercy... that I allow pictures to become a distraction...as my mom said a few days ago... "I can see with all your wonderful pictures that it is hard to keep it down to just a few." Yes, I call it a hobby... but at times it can be a bit more than that! Forgive me Lord!

Mary, Mother of God, heal all families and show us the way to embrace Jesus, hold Jesus always in our hearts, carry Him with us always and in every circumstance especially within our families with our spouces and children... our siblings and parents. You can and do show us the way to be a "domestic church" in our homes! Jesus we trust in you... through your loving Mother. Amen

Calving weekend with lots of family around.. first weekend of March...5-7,2010

I have a new gadget to work with on my posts so I am excited to try it out... My daughters, Maria(#3) and Nancy (#4) were home for the weekend... Now that John is back and also they know that their dad is busy with calving. It is always exciting to see the new calves... Maria had her husband and two kids along and Nancy brought along her boyfriend, Bill. The new camera in the barn was a hit... They would spot a cow calving and let their dad know... at one point he had all 3 guys including our other brother in law out there waiting for a cow to have her calf... it would have been the first time for most of them to see that. We were keeping an eye from the house too on the camera. Pat did end up having to help her have her calf...so yet to see a birth naturally. At one point today... Maria had noticed that a cow had the "feet sticking out", but in the short time the camera took to go back and forth the cow had already pushed out the calf. It all happened very quickly!

Saturday was a wonderful but crazy day around here... All 5 grandkids were here and all the guys were outside helping Pat for a lot of the day. So we packed the kids up and headed out for some adventures. They started out on the sledding hill after pulling the sled through the mud to get there. WE all ended up in the barn with the babies... their mom's were on the other side of the gate so that they would eat... so we had the babies all to ourselves. I will now use my new gadget to add some pics to illustrate.

So many special times with the grandkids that take me back to our days of "nest". It was wise to take the kids all outside for an adventure and then bring them in and feed them a big meal. Then the naps came more easily as they each found a quiet place with books to lull them to sleep. Grandpa even got a nap with little Davey which was one of his favorite things ever...

Now for some special moments that I captured and thought that you would appreciate like I did... Little Davey in grandpa's shoes... one of my favorite things ever to see the little ones wearing the shoes of those that they love and idolize around like they are being like that special person in their eyes.... a special moment when older cousin, Mary, and grandma put nailpolish on almost 2 yo Therese for the first time... and a stolen picture of new grandson David Joseph at mass this morning as he is held on mom's shoulder at the beginning of mass... time spent as a family at mass is one of my favorite things also. Pat was always insistant that we would go as a family to church and sit up front so that the little ones could see what was going on and get something out of it!

A couple more special delights that I would like to share at the end here... one of the first smiles of my 2 1/2 mo old grandson... just before he left for home after an amazing family weekend. Many wonderful family meals with all the laughter and kidding and sharing. Then a picture I took at the adoration chapel up in the Cities a few day

The Blessed Virgin as compared to a Window by Thomas Merton - 1944 at Our Lady of Gethsemani Monastery

Time spent at what we called "the farm" in my early Catholic days... was peaceful and away from the busyness of life in the big city.... we did have electricty but no TV.... It usually involved a fair amount of work with the getting the abandoned house livable in modest terms.. but really it was quite charming after we put in windows, repaired plaster, sanded floors and painted. No running water wasn't even that bad with a chemical toilet that my dad would dutifully care for as a sevice to all of us kids... The picturesque pump outside was used for a cold hair wash, or brought inside to be warmed on the stove. My dad even rigged up a shower by the barn that would be filled and then the water warmed by the sun would be a "refreshing" shower later in the day.

After some gardening project would be done we would have time to sit under the pine trees and read or sketch or work on my caligraphy... I think that my mom suggested Fr Thomas A'Kempis to me, and I devoured his Of Imitation of Chirst. She probably even suggested Thomas Merton too... I read his books and just came across a poem that I had used a very fancy caligraphy to record in a special book I put special things in back then. I would like to share the poem mentioned in the title of this post.... The Blessed Virgin Mary as Compared to a Window... When I read it now it takes me back to the days of wonder I had at the beautiful deep feelings these men along with many women that I did and continue to read and digest! The amazing thing is that it has never stopped or slowed down even in the last 40 years since I first said that I wanted to join the Catholic Church... As a matter of fact it has picked up crazy with my girls and their journies to Rome and looking at Religious life! Now John's cancer journey has only added another dimension yet! Thank you Lord!

The Blessed Virgin as Compared to a Window

Because my will is simple as a window
And knows no pride of original earth
It is my life to die, like glass to light
Slain in the strong rays of the Bridegroom sun.

Because my love is simple as a window
And knows no shame of original dust
I longed all night,(when I was visible)
for dawn my death:
When I would marry day,my Holy Spirit:
and die by transubstantiation into light.

For light, my lover, steals my life in secret.
I vanish into day. and leave no shadow
But the geometry of my cross,
Whose frame and structure is the strength
By which I die, but only to the earth,
And am uplifted to the sky my life.

When I become the substance of my lover,
(Being obedient, sinless glass)
I love all things that need my lover's life,
And give to give my newborn Morning to your quiet rooms,...

And you shall see the sun, my Son, my Substance,
Come to convince the world of the day's end, and of the night,
Smile to the lovers of the day in smiles of blood:
For through my love, He'll be their Brother,
My light- the Lamb of the Apocalypse.

Jesus there are so many ways that you show us the love you have for us...thank you for all the beauty that surrounds us. Help us to recognize you in all the different places in our lives. Jesus we trust in You! Barb

The joyous beginning of a new Catholic at 20 years old! I have found my HOME!

I rushed out of here this morning in the midst of sharing with you all and return with a heart still full to bursting with the memories of my early Catholic days. Returning home as I would describe the Prodigal daughter from my trip out West to Boulder, Colorado... My first year of college was filled with spreading my wings in ways that could have led me down a very different path.... NOw I marvel at how the Lord took me in hand as I arrived at that Christian commune, and the life that I started at that point has been this path with Jesus always at my side and sometimes carrying me... much as the poem... Footprints.

My mom was amazed at the girl that returned to her from my month in Colorado... I call these my "nun years" because I returned with a very peaceful and humble state of mind and heart. I stripped my bedroom down to the bare bones and painted the whole thing white... My bible, prayer book, soon a rosary, and school books were all that were by my bed and allowed inside.... I wore only long dresses for a long time and for a while was not the wild and crazy me that we all know and (?)love. I really was focused on just my Lord and His Church! I wanted to run off to the convent, but knew that I needed to become Catholic first and then there was college... I ended up starting at St Catherine's nursing, which was amazing to have that beautiful chuch right there to go to daily mass or just take time in the day to sit in and pray...

WE started to be prepared to join the Church by Fr Custodio... he sat my youngest siblings around the coffee table in the living room and spoke to all of us through them... in very simple terms. Many times I have appreciated the fact that we knew very little in the grand scheme of things, but with the future ahead with so much to grow and learn about... a lifelong journey... and one that is beyond anything I could have ever hoped for! Then Christmas midnight mass at our Cenacle Convent... all 13 of us received our first communion! So amazing! I think I remember a few tears shed by us and the sisters and of course so many HUGS!

Now the floodgates were opened for me to look into religious life.... I decided with the permission of the sisters of the Cenacle there in Wyzata to do for January term... a independent study paper on religious life while living with them for that month. Much like my daughter, Maria, did... I had a cell back where they live in community and shared their meals and their prayers and read books on religious life and wrote a paper about it.

What stirs me still about that month was the beauty of attending daily mass led by an elderly priest in a beautiful way... the mass became intimately familiar to me in the January sunlit beautiful yet simple chapel. The reality and nourishment of this filled me with awe every day! By far every part of the mass came to be a thing of beauty for me in my new eyes and heart.... as I came to know Jesus in the Eucharist and to see how His brides of many years came to Him each day.... We were fed daily in the Love Light! I think looking back that describes those beautiful days in January... Love Light!

Returning to home and school after that month... I started to attend daily mass at our home parish... the Bascilica of St Mary... the beauty of the church blew my mind! The statue of Mary...so beautiful and touched me deeply. When I put the roses in front of her on my wedding day, and prayed for her guidance and support as a new wife...she was a beloved and close spiritual Mother to me... There were young people that I met and we started doing things after work or on the weekends. Walking around the Lake of the Isles was one of our top things to do when the weather permitted and rigatoni at Mama Rosas had to happen about once a month!

I think that I will call this enough for today.Looking at a "art book" I started at around this time using the caligraphy I was teaching myself and writing scriptures or gems from the spiritual books I found to devour.... This is an appropriate way to end using Psalm 139 to put my thoughts into words... thank You dear David!

How precious are your thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them.
If I count them, they are more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with you. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and thou knowest me right well. Psalm 139:14-16 Jesus I trust in You... bless-bless, Barb

The excitement and joy of the my early Catholic days!

The floodgates have opened as I have been roaming my house in search of some of the treasures from my early Catholic days. Shortly after we moved to Minneapolis and bought an amazing home not far from Lake of the Isles just behind the Guthrie... 9 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms and a ballroom on the 3rd floor... we marveled at how the Lord provides for His own. My dad... a minister....certainly always trusted in the Lord and he provided and then some! With 11 kids... we certainly filled the place up... I had a small bedroom on the 3rd floor with the two sisters under me up there also. The Ballroom had tiny lights across the entire ceiling and an amazing wood floor and was HUGE! Windows all around. After becoming Catholic... I have memories of gathering up there as a family in a LARGE circle and praying together... we learned the "Hail Mary" that way and some of the devotions that were new to us! Coming to Mary for the first time in the setting of my family and with my parents leading us was very powerful and special... I immediately embraced it!

It was hard in the summer to have all of us kids in the inner city, so my parents had an idea to go a ways out and find a building site that we could buy and it would keep us busy with the work that my dad would orchestrate on it and then also put in a big garden... I will have to write later as the needs around me are pressing in at this point. Bless-bless, Barb

A piece of humble pie with a scoop of nothingness on top - helping Pat with the cows and calves.

Just after starting my new Magnificat for March the night before last and reading the Gospel for the next day... I wandered to the front of the book and read the Editorial which is always amazing by Fr Peter Cameron OP.... It was to my delight about one of my favorite topics and struggles... Humility! So many of the saints and great doctors of the Church speaking first of all to the fact that it was Mary's humility that allowed the Son of God to enter the world! Speaking of her "nothingness" and how she knew that in the presence of God she was nothing and totally accepted that, and with that knowledge of herself was able to say "yes" to what God needed to accomplish in her! "Mary pleased God by her virginity, she conceived by her humility." St Bernard

Last evening I went out to help Pat with putting eartags in his almost 30 calves that he has so far. They were in 3 different pens.... We went into the first one and he started catching the calves and putting the tags in. I admit that I go out very seldom to help him, but during calving it can be a few times a week or so... for sure not daily and usually it is to "work" a gate as he is sorting them, or putting the ones close to calving in the barn. John was not around, and with him here I probably go out less than the last two years when he was gone to college in the Cities.

Well, he was over on the other side of the barn working on a calf and I looked up to see a cow glaring and bellowing at me, and then to my horror she came right at me full speed. I yelled for Pat as she pushed me towards the wall of our new monoslope barn from quite a ways out. I was terrified as I have never been attacked by a cow before... usually I have some bellow at me, and I stand my ground and tell it to go away and it does, because it is more afraid of me than I of it.... This one however turned out to have been a "fair calf" that we showed for 4H, and it has no fear of us. Pat came running and chased her back just as I came to the wall. I was terribly shaken and could feel some minor pain on the side that had scraped. Standing I realized that I had some aches in places on the other side of my body where she had pushed me too. Mostly though I was scared and shakey! I also realized before I got up.. that I had landed in a fresh "pie" to add to the whole mess!

I had gone out there pretty confident, and maybe even arrogant at my ability to help Pat, as a farmwife for these past over 30 years, and I quickly was reminded by the reality of what happened that the cows do not know me... I am a stranger that rarely is around them unlike Pat, who goes into that pen "5 or more times a day". I limped out and for the other two pens...stood on the other side of the fence to help hand him things as he needed them. After a good night's sleep... I woke up to less pain and realized that I had healed a lot overnight. I also realized that the Lord had protected me from a much worse situation, and that all that had been wounded was my pride! I also know now that I will respect them a lot more, and not wear a red jacket to basically put a bullseye on myself. There is a reason that I wore a brownish green coverall the years that we milked cows... just about the color of that "pie" I mentioned earlier. The beauty of things that you take for granted is coming back to me now.

A bit more on this hard message we all need to take to heart....Humility! From the Editorial written by Fr Cameron... "There is a twofold dynamic to humiltiy. On the one hand it is not possible to be humble if we deny our nothingness. But on the other hand, we cannot be humble if we fail to acknowledge the merciful presence of God acting in our life." And "Authentic humility creates space in a soul that God refuses to leave empty; He fills it with Himself." Finally "Thus humility craves silence.... a silence that permits us to become detached from willfulness and absorbed in what God wills for us. Humility enables us to hear God communicating His love for us in just the way he wants to love us."

Yes, Lord... how I need to remember that I am nothing without you and all your amazing plans for me. Use me to your honor and glory... even if I need to sit on a "pie" to remember that You are there protecting me from myself and showing me that I am in the palm of your hand. Jesus I trust in You! Amen. Bless-bless, Barb and the Verlys