How to truly enjoy the slideshow....

I took quite a while to master the slideshow and I am still learning... if you click on the picture... you will see it much larger and if you make sure that it is up high enough you will see the captions that I added to each picture. I think they are amazing... I cannot take credit for most of them as they were taken by others, but I think you will agree that they truly bring the Gospel to life in a most amazing way! I will write more hopefully tomorrow and have many more wonderful scenes that I can share too. Just thought that you would appreciate some help in truly enjoying them. Bless-bless, Barb and all

"If thou seekest Jesus in all things thou shalt surely find Jesus." - Fr Thomas A'Kempis... Our first date continued

On our first date Pat and I sat down and had a real heart to heart talk about the things that we both wanted in our lives... I have learned that the fact that this talk happened was the first indication that Pat would be the most amazing communicator that a person could ever ask for and then some! HE loves to talk and share above all else and for the most part that is a wonderful gift from the perspective of a wife and his children. I often think that they are the way they are because their dad is so involved and interested in every little aspect of their lives! A good lesson to parents out there...

It was amazing to me to hear Pat sharing as I had decided in my heart of hearts over the years... that he had thought growing up in a large family was great and that he would like that for himself in his own marriage. This was so compelling to me...as everywhere I turned and for the most part all around me yet... I am bombarded with the idea that we should only replace ourselves and have the perfect two kids and "give them all the things that we never had". Satan has so lied to the world and it makes me so angry to see how he is depriving families of the joy of being open to children! It was a delight to find Pat seeing through all of that too, and I must say that even with the hard road we had to family and all the times he go through expense and pain with no child at the end... he never once complained or told me "enough". Thank you Pat from the bottom of my heart! WE have so much peace and yes joy to know that we have all the children that we were to have here and in heaven for us to be joined with someday... heaven is a place we look forward to and do not fear the end of these days here on earth!

We also shared how important the Catholic Church was and how we wanted to share that in our future marriage.... Pat had followed my conversion story through Marge and was so amazed and grateful that I had chosen the Catholic Church for myself and loved it hook, line and sinker! There was nothing that the Church upheld as truth or in it's wisdom as the best path to Christ that we both did not agree with! The Church had it all figured out and all together was how we both felt! Pat looked to me a bit to help him understand a few things... with my new insight and study since converting... he loved that about me, and that was wonderful to share. We would attend mass at the Bascilica together on the few occassions he would come to the Cities and I would love to go to mass and stand next to him... these times were what cemented our relationship and if there had been some questions about our feelings at cretain places along the road... they would all evaporate as we shared the mass together!

Lastly Pat talked about farming and how it is more than an occupation... it was his life and he loved it! He was curious about our "farm", and later when he did get to see it he realized that I truly knew nothing about a big farming operation. But he did appreciate that unlike a lot of girls he had dated that wanted nothing to do with the farm... that I did have an appreciation of nature and was open to a good life where we could raise our kids out in the country and probably involved with their mom and dad with the day to day things that come with living on the farm. He shared how they would help out... one of the cutest most special pictures he painted for me was about how he and two brothers... Pat is in the middle of the family and has two brothers just under him each about a year apart... They would walk the three of them with two pails of feed between them... such a visual lesson in my mind of sharing one with the other to get a needed job done... OUr kids as it turned out helped on big days like preg checking day of putting out to pasture day. They also worked with dad on the livestock at calving time and later for the county and state fair... good times and special times with dad on the farm!

It was interesting then when Ruth and Paul started to date... one of their first dates was to go to Camden and Ruth shared with me that they had had a similar talk... They were matched similarly in wanting and valuing the same things... when that happens early on in a relationship... the thinking is... "If we want the same things and the attraction is there... then why not?" Both Ruth and Paul and Pat and I dated for about 6 months and then were engaged and 6 months later were married. Waiting and dating just seemed unnecessary to us... Why wait? Thank you, Jesus for the mystery of those that are called to the sacrament of marriage. Be with all marriages.. for as St Theresa of Avila was told in a vision... Jesus showed her all kinds and shapes of crosses and asked her to pick one... Being the saint that she is... she said that she would take the largest... "No, that is for those that are married." Was his answer to her. How true that is! Jesus marriage is a huge cross... but the resulting glory and ressurrection is Huge also! Jesus we trust in You!

He calls me after Marge's wedding!

At my friend, Marge Verly's, wedding... I thought her brother, Pat, was wonderful. at the wedding dance... He was very sweet to me, but at one point I thought with a heavy heart that he seemed to have a girl on his arm for a while. I was dancing the dance where you are dancing with two guys and one spins you and then you go to the other and he spins you... The butterfly!... I sprained my ankle badly! That was it for the dancing, and for the night for me.... I limped back to Verlys house, and in the morning Pat was very sweet when he brought me an old pair of crutches that they had and told me about people in family albums they had sitting in the living room. I thought to myself... he's so easy to talk to!

I returned home and went to ER and discovered that it was not broken, but I had to stay out of my work as a Neurology Nurse at HCMC for a few weeks to let it heal. I got out of town and went up to hang out at the farm with my everloving family. Days of laying in the hammock playing scrabble with sibs and my dad or mom... Reading and art work and the ever photography. It was mid June and it was great to be out of the City for an unexpected vacation.

This being the day before the cell phone or answering machine... can you imagine!? I returned home to within a day or so a call from dear Patrick Verly. I was thrilled that he had tried to call me over and over and that he wanted to stay connected with me! This began a long distance relationship and with his farming it was dating only monthly if even. OUr first date was to go to a Kicks soccer game... this was back in 1977 probably in Sept... like I said we talked on the phone a lot, but not many actual dates.

One important part of our first date that we look back on as the key to our pretty much knowing from then on that we wanted to continue... actually from that point on we both shared since that we thought this is the one for me... we sat down on the floor of my 3rd floor apartment just a block from my families's home, and shared all the things that we valued in our lives... Faith first of all and that being in the Catholic Church, family in that we were both open to family... Pat delighted me in sharing that he has over 100 first cousins on his mom's side. He spoke of there being 10 or more kids in many of the families including his own. You have no idea how this one thing tied us together! Already the population control lie was out there depriving people of the joy of family! To find a man that said that was all hog wash and that he wanted all the kids the Lord had in store for him... was amazing beyond belief!

I need to hit the road, but will write more later...

The continuation of the Old Rugged Cross...

NOw a day later... Maria entered the monastery on Jan 1,2004. John took it hard... for the months leading up to her going... Saying every time that it would come up that; "No she's not going to do it!" He laid his head on her shoulder all the 3 hour trip up to drop her off on New Year's day... We had celebrated Mary's mass that morning as a family in Marshall and then had taken pictures around the church with Maria... John had wanted to pose with her in front of the shine in our church to Mary... Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Maria sat in her dad's lap and they both were wiping tears... So hard yet so powerful!

Maria wrote occassionally and they were limited on visits and letter especailly during lent... WE all arrived on Easter Sunday, and shared our Easter feast with her... us on one side and Maria on the other side of the enclosure.... We would pass the food through to her. She told Pat and I at this point that she wanted us to come back to see her... she needed to talk to us. Within the week we returned... not sure what was coming... WE were surprised that she felt she was not in the right place. She eventually returned home after 5 months of trying it out. She had taken no vows and I felt that it was similar to the month I lived with the Cenacle sisters and looked into religious life. WE say that we want all of our kids to consider religious life and she definitly did!


Where does the cross come in? Much of Maria' spare time was spent in doing the stations of the cross in the outside gardens of the enclosed Monastery.... It was a powerful time for her as she asked the Lord to show her His plan for her. When she returned home... she wanted to make a stations to put in our grove. It was interesting that two of her friends that she had studied in Rome with and now are both sisters in two different communities... came down and sat at the picnic table and made the stations. For the beginning they took the Old Rugged Cross and put it in a large beautiful silver maple by the garden... about 5 years ago I took a photo shoot of it in the tree, because I thought it looked so wonderful and as if the crucifix had become a part of the tree...

The crucifix took a beating out in the elements... I think that at one point it even dropped off and broke in half...so now it is mended. But many powerful memories of the summer or fall days walking the grove doing the stations in prayer preparation as I was due to work a retreat... How I would love to get out there now...but the snow is piled high yet. I especially love the 4th station where Jesus meets his mother and I look ahead and see my statue of Mary back in my prayer space behind the lilac bushes. I should do it more... it was a special spiritual gift once again from my kids... they take me so deep. Thank you Lord for the gift of children that are now teaching and helping their mother. Pretty amazing stuff! I know that the 6 in heaven are there to help me and watch out for me... NOw to have the ones here with me leading me more and more deeply into my faith in the Catholic Church... I am blessed beyond belief! Thank you wise and wonderful Savior!

The old rugged cross

As we went to Rochester for an indefinite amount of time in the last few months for John's stem cell transplant... I knew that i wanted to take a crucifix along... A house is not a home without the image of our Lord on the cross to remind us of the magnitude of his love for us and how we are called to embrace the crosses that come our ways as followers of His... How dramatically that has come into our lives with the discovery of John's camcer! It was right there in our faces with no denying that we were facing the most horrendous cross that we could ever have imagined and much worse than most would ever entertain in our worst nightmare... Many times i have yelled to the air... "Please wake me up from this bad dream!"

This crucifix has a history... that dates back before it came into our home... I found it in a second hand store,. so it has stories that we can only guess. It was such a powerful and strong statement to me of Christ's sacrifice in it's massive features...

Our third daughter, Maria, returned from studying in Rome for a year as sophomore in the Catholic Studies program at St Thomas... feeling that she was being called to enter a chloistered monastery of Poor Clare nuns. She had read the Book... The Story of a Soul on the plane on the trip over and wondered at the life she described of being closed away from the world and spent in prayer. When she asked the priest in charge of her spiritual direction if anything like that existed this day and age... she was assured that they certainly did and not that far from home in Sauk Rapids... So after a few months of preparation she entered with a stunningly emotional scene... where she kneeled on the outside of the enclosure and was prayed over by the priest of the community... then she walked through the door and was embraced by the sisters that were kneeling on the other side... the door closed behind her... we all went to a visiting room and she came out on the other side... we could only touch fingers through the "enclosure"... the days of hugs were over. I will have to write more later... I need to go out and help move cows.

The ways I am fed as I travel this road for the last 9 months.... Brain Cancer in my youngest child....

I am in a situation here that has allowed me to once again revisit the time John and I just spent in Rochester for the 5 weeks of his stem cell transplant.... Our computer is down to the point that we are waiting for the new one we had to purchase later today. In the meantime I have been using the laptop that I had used in Rochester at our home away from home to keep in touch with you all. John and I had added my photo program so that i could add pictures of our time there, but when it came time to take them off and put them on our main computer... it wouldn't burn a CD or allow me to do it... Now I am back able to access those pictures and revisit the time there and the support that I found in the Catholic community there.

I have had many give me books along the way and suggested that I look into some method or other of coping with the sudden occurance in our lives that our 20 year old son had brain cancer! My feeling on the matter has been that I want to do it with the Church! I want to do it with all that the Church can give me... I have always felt that the Church has it all together and figured out and as the world changes so rapidly they are there to help me figure out what is right!

John, Pat and I have clung to the morning and evening prayers to feed us and minister to us in scripture and in prayers... I am transported into the presence of the Lord with the assistance of Our Lady with the daily saying of the rosary... I have added an extra decade now with this journey... the Crown of Thorns... just for the cancer intention and now more for all those that join us as our prayer warriors... loyal and true heros as we fight the good fight with them at our side... we know that each and every one of them has their own crosses and battles to face, so we want to pray for them in return.

The rosary for quite a few years now has become a real and powerful way for me to pray for my children... each has a decade from oldest to youngest... 5 kids it works out perfect... I have added another one for my husband as I have seen that if we pray together...things are more peaceful and the Lord is there to help us do this thing called "marriage"! Then a last decade to remember my Godchildren... I feel that I am called to pray for them just as if they are my own children... they have been given my by God as my spiritual children... that I need to take to heart and seriously!

Daily mass has been such a blessing for me... I especially found it a great support in the midst of John's transplant... he would return home exhausted and welcome me to let him rest and I go to mass and time in the Eucharistic chapel at St John's church just a few blocks away from both Mayo and our "home". I loved when I had time to say my rosary and divine chaplet of Mercy in front of the beautiful tabernacle... I was so touched by the people that I would see there every day and share the love of our Lord in the feast of heaven and earth... we would be in a back chapel from the church for daily mass and to see the revenence of so many as they kneeled and bowed in front of our Lord made flesh and blood on the hard floor! Reminded me of what my daughter said to me one time: "If we truly believe that is the body and blood of Christ we should be crawling up there on our hands and knees!"

I was moved to tears one day as I sat in the Eucharistic chapel and witnessed a lady go over to a beautiful body of Christ in a small alcove off to the side... She looked into his face and spoke to him and stoked his dead body and kissed it ...such intimate love for her Lord due to so many time in her life that she came to Him in the Eucharist and all the amazing sacraments and devotions we are blessed with. Over the weeks... I saw her return again and again to whisper to her lover... He paid the supreme sacrifice for us! She embodied the total appreciation and love the we all should have for the dead Christ... He died for us!

Often times I would think in the last 9 months that I really don't have the time you would think to be reading books to help me... I am immersed in my spiritual devotions and the sacraments to help me on each daily journey... Reconcilliation has been a more constant companion in helping me find a better place in myself... John and I start every day and trip with the decade of the rosary with the intentions for healing and support for us and all those that are with us on this journey...