"Oh Glorious Day!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXp6xcY5IqU   I just wanted to share this most wonderful video by Casting Crowns to make you cry with wonder and joy at how our lives depend on HIM, and are because of HIM!  May your day be better with the knowledge and LOVE of HIM!  Jesus, we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!

 Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

On our knees serving Christ..

Pat and I are off to work the TEC retreat in Bird Island for the weekend - directing for the first time!  WE had planned to direct two years ago, but John's brain cancer intervened.  Now we are overjoyed to have John working with us, and sharing his cancer journey in the Christian Life talk!  I will be a river of tears and my hands will be raised in praise and joy within my heart, as my rosary passes through my fingers.

My time to write needs to be short and to the point today as I have much to do so that we can leave and not look back for 3 days... Thankfully the mowing got done last evening and now packing and working on my talk.  I am giving the God the Community of Love talk and get to share the relationship I have with each member of the Trinity and how they have surrounded me with LOVE!  Most recently I am filled with wonder at the healing of my precious son... I have the radio on loudly in the background to hear John talk on our local station about being co-chair of the Feat at the Fairgrounds - local relay for Life tonight at 7p...The Holy Spirit dwelt with us and brought us all the fruits of the Spirit as we found peace and strength to face all that came our way - supported by the "prayer warriors" in the thousands that lifted us into the presence of Christ as the paralytic was lowered through the roof to be healed by Christ - "Pick up your mat and walk!"  And he did!  Now two years later we never take life for granted again!

How we pray for the strength to put the other first, and if we are able to do that there will be peace and harmony.  That is so hard to do when you are short on sleep and with all the stresses that come with the weekend.  We have prayed the 3rd luminous mystery for TEC... the proclamation of the Kingdom - the Sermon on the Mount - that we may all encounter Jesus in HIS WORD and Sacraments! 

This was taken at a TEC retreat a few years back, and I hope and pray that it will be the picture of our love after working the next 3 days together!  Jesus and your wonderful Mother of the Universe, Mary most Holy... we fall on our knees before you and place our unworthy body, minds and spirits into your hands - come Holy Spirit and use us to your honor and glory!  Jesus, we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

If there ever was a picture that could be titled...PEACE...

We did a photo shoot of little Gus in the baptismal outfit that his grandfather and father had worn... he also wore the bracelet that my sister Cheryl had made for him for his baptism... His grandma in Pennsylvania wanted to see specifically the hat on him, and after many attempts... we finally got it on him properly and then with some milk from momma and the natural light on the chaise lounge in their living room... it was a beautiful sight to behold!  He looked to be the epitome of peaceful and was just that.  How I need to find that place with work today at the nursing home and then the franticness of getting out of here to work a 3 day retreat!

Not only work the retreat, but direct it with my husband!  It will be our first time doing this... we were to direct the summer that John got his cancer, and realized that we would not be able to do it at that time.  Now we are back at it with all the other issues in our lives continuing to pull at us.  The weather is being very much a challange for Pat with so much rain and cool weather... he had hoped to have the hay cut and ready to bale when we get back, but that is now impossible. 

Peace awakes with the dawn of Life and all that is part of the ups and downs.  The new family is doing well, but realizing that a little one is so much on a constant basis.  So much to keep him fed and clean and safe and try to understand what he is trying to tell them with his cries for closeness and feeding... Nancy is doing so well with the feeding part, and prays that the "anxieties" may be managed as she discovers her "way" to calm and confident motherhood.

Is there such a thing as calm and confident motherhood?  YES! 

Jesus, life comes with so many things that get inside our heads and give us stress and anxiety... may we learn to leave it at your feet and realize that you are in control.  "Let the Lord , your God, show us what way we should take and what we should do."  Jer 42:3 Let us put our hands and heart, our soul,the deep recesses of our being wherein dwell those beliefs and thoughts that govern our actions, so that he may guide us in the ways of the Gospel."  see http://www.magnificat.com/   Jesus, Mary, Joseph - show us the way to model your holy family and to find the LIFE and TRUTH that comes into the world through you!  Jesus, we trust in you.  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent

"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

I trust you, let me not be disappointed;

do not let my enemies triumph.

Those who hope in you shall not be disappointed

Lord, make me know your ways.

Lord, teach me your paths.

Make me walk in your truth, and teach me:

for your are God my savior.

In you I hope all day long

because of your goodness, O Lord.

Remember your mercy, Lord,

and the love you have shown from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth.

In your love remember me,"

Psalm 25:1-7

Silliness fills the spaces of life with laughter.

Sharing a meal at a  Mexican restaurant just a block from the church between mass and the Baptism of little 3 week old, Gus... the farm follows us everywhere we go, and the bull looking over our shoulder makes us feel right at home in the middle of the city. 

Little Gus doesn't know that gift of smiling and laughter yet, and his parents know that in a few monthes they will be delighted by his smiles... 

Three joyous generations!

Gus, could that be one of your first smiles for a story with cousins and your Godfather, Paul?  Toooooooooooo Cute!

Viktor Frakl's Man's Search For Meaning...

I picked up a book while sitting in Nancy's office at the American Indian Alternative School yesterday called Man's Search For Meaning by a psychiatrist, who endured years of "unspeakable horror in Nazi death camps. He writes about suffering, which can in no way compare to John's... yet who could imagine worse than discovering that your 20 year old son has brain cancer?

"The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity - even under the most difficult circumstances- to add a deeper meaning to his life." Viktor Frankl

The suffering that those endured in the Concentration camps can really in only small ways compare to John's mental and sometimes physical suffering and of course add to the the spiritual suffering.... Yet John was always treated with tremendous love and respect and the outpouring was tremendous, whereas those facing living death in the death camps were totally demoralized and worked and starved to death! The suffering was just to the point of beyond human endurance, yet Viktor made a comment at the beginning of the sharing of his years in the death camps that "textbooks tell lies"... in other words all the studies that say that man cannot survive without sleep, unable to brush their teeth - they had healthier gums than ever before! All the comforts they thought they needed to sleep or to keep clean - they didn't and the dirt in wounds did not become infected even though they could hardly ever clean themselves. On and on... We are much stronger and can stand up to hardships much more than we ever thought possible. To see John in his calm strength face all that would terrify me... I knew it was the power of prayer giving him the peace that he needed!

Jesus, how powerful is the human person given such terrible suffering, but with you there to assist him he can make it into something life changing! Jesus, we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb the humble and fervent
"This young woman knew that she would die in he next few days. But when I talked to her she was cheerful in spite of this knowledge. 'I am grateful that fate has hit me so hard,' she told me. 'In my former life I was spoiled and did not take spiritual accomplishment seriously.' Pointing through the window of the hut, she said, 'This tree is the only friend I have in my loneliness.' Through the window she could see just one branch of a chestnut tree, and on the branch were two blossoms. 'I often talk to this tree,' she said to me. I was startled and didn't quite know how to take her words. Was she delirious? Did she have occasional hallucinations? Anxiously I asked her if the tree replied. 'Yes.' What did it say to her? She answered, 'It said to me, "I am here - I am here - I am life, eternal life.' " Viktor Frankl

Allowing the memories to flow...

In the midst of John's first month of his cancer journey...time with his sister, Nancy, who had just finished her first year of teaching at the American Indian Alternative School in Minneapolis.  She had taught John English and coached him in speech while she taught in Marshall High School for 3 years after she graduated college.  John was struck with cancer in the summer after his second year of college in Ag communication at the U of M.  He missed his entire next year in the battle of his life, and now has returned to finish now his junior year...doing very well.  

This is the platform walker that allowed him to walk alone after the brain biopsy he had to diagnose his cancer had passed a biopsy needle through the back of his brain - his cerebellum - leaving him with left sided ataxia or imbalance of his left side... as we stood around his bed as he started to awaken from the anesthesia and the the steroids started to lessen the pressure in his brain... the Dr asked John to take his finger and touch his nose and then the doctor's finger.  His hand waved all over the place and we stood in shock!  Then when he tried to slide his foot down the front of his other leg and we saw how hard that was... we were totally knocked over with fear that our beautiful healthy son had been left damaged!

Before we got home on our 31st anniversary with our handicapped son, and figured out the walker to allow him to get around somewhat on his own.  His dad had been his support in getting around his hospital room.  It was very touching and fulfilled that need that a parent has to take away the pain or to be there to carry them when they are down or unable!  

His dad behind to hold him up and his sister here from France to be at his side and keep him from falling over to the left as he tried to eat his meal.... a true picture of "he ain't heavy, he's my brother."  The closeness is cherished and necessary... to give him the ability to feel that he is coming back to as much normal as we can give him!

These two are so close and have always adored each other.  Susan being 3 years older than John and having lost 2 mischarriages between them.... she always watched out for her little brother John, and is famously known as saving his life when he was about 2 years old.  John was walking up behind the tractor as Pat was backing out of the shed, and Susan brought our attention to it by asking; "Where is Johnny?"  We looked around and snatched him up.  She was always watching out for her precious little Johnny!  I have found that the kids cherish and appreciate one another so much after we shared the pain and disappointment of the losses of their 6 siblings!  It was so important for her community to allow her to be here and cheer him up with her goofiness and to just sit there shoulder to shoulder with her big little brother!

Walking with his two sisters under his arms to help him walk - from the back he looks like he is on the cross, and that he was!  Then there was going to France and Lourdes and the healing that we all know happened as a result of all the prayer!  For Hallel/Susan and John to share this huge step for her... taking her habit and changing her name... in the midst of the shock and horror of brain cancer!  Mind blowing and a true miracle - now my husband and I are getting tickets to go to France in mid July to be there as she takes her first vows.  Our cup overflows, and there is even talk of John going with us!  Time will tell.  Jesus, we trust in you!

Hallel helping her brother down the path in Saint-Pierre in France...  This cherished picture is the epitome of the closeness. love and support of our two youngest children as they SHARE THE JOURNEY OF FAITH AND HOPE AND TRUST... the words "Take up your cross and follow after me."  comes to me with vividness and power!  Bless-bless, Barb the fervent and humble