Flying high

I am finishing up a book that appeared in my home... I was puzzled to find it laying by the door one day, and finally we figured out that it had been in a box a friend dropped off for a silent auction and it accidentally got taken out and left behind.  It was exactly the book I was thinking about in my inner place... as I am very concerned about a friend, who has wandered away from Christianity.  It is about 17 women raised Catholic that left for one reason or another, and then later in life discovered that the Truth lies in the Catholic Church!  There are many stirringly beautiful accounts of their years of being raised in the Church by faithful parents, and the story I just finished by Mary Kaiser was so sweet that I would like to share a few paragraphs tonight, before I go to lay down for a while before heading off to work my first of 3 overnights at the nursing home...  By the way the title of the book is - Prodigal Daughters by Donna Steichen - Catholic Women Come Home to the Church

"As a matter of course, we attended the parish school through eighth grade.  Sr Mary Louis was my beloved first grade teacher, and too expected us to work hard and strive always to be the best we could be, thus reinforcing the lessons learned at home.  Even when she disciplined me, I loved her intensely, because it was clear that she wanted me to learn from my mistakes.

Often she read to us from the lives of the saints, encouraging us to imitate our example.  The first real book that I ever read was the life of St Therese of the Child Jesus.  After that, it seemed natural to pretend to be that lovely saint of others who lives I read.  Along with the guidance of Sr Mary Louis, my mother's example, strength, and love led to an awareness of the spiritual realm.  I remembered that my Guardian Angel was my companion wherever I went. Often I saved a spot beside me for him to sit or commented under my breath to this unseen companion.

 The height of my joy came with my First Communion.  The nuns had prepared us with meticulous thoroughness to understand and long for this great sacrament.  I told everyone I encountered about the event.  Imagine!  Jesus Christ Himself wanted to be with me in this most intimate way.

In my quest to become a saint.  I sometimes crawled into the darkest parts of my closet to pray, so that only my Heavenly Father would see.  Other times I slipped pebbles into my shoes or knelt on the roughest available surface during morning or night prayers, and more than once I crawled into the thorn bushes to share the pain of our Lord's Passion.  Occassionally, trying to overcome my tendency toward sloth, I would do a good deed unseen, like making Mother's bed or picking up litter.  The hardest sacrifice came when I tried to keep quiet while someone else received the credit.  Still, the harder I worked for others, the more at peace I was with myself.  Striving to imitate the saintes made me immensely happy."

I was thrilled to read this... not growing up Catholic, but finding it as a 20 year old... we just celebrated our 40th anniversary of becoming Catholic!  Each day has been a glorious journey of faith!  Thank you, Lord!  Jesus, we trust in you.  Bless-bless

"This is how one loves."

Choose Life is echoeing in my ears and heart this morning... after sharing prayer and reading the scriptures for today!  I am also deeply pondering and attempting to remind myself of "this is how one loves."  Looking at the powerful crucifix - not only powerful in the strong form of the suffering Christ - not whimpy by any means... so bold and strong in his suffering and death... this crucifix represents so much to me!  It was the one that Maria nailed to a tree to begin and end the stations of the cross that she made for me in the grove beside our house, after she returned to us from her 5 months in the Poor Clare Monastery!  In that tree and exposed to the weather - it became as part of the huge lone silver maple tree that stands beside our garden.  The stations that became so powerful for her in her discernment of her call and understanding that the Lord did not want this of her - rather a call to marriage and raising lights to the world within her domestic Church - her little and growing family - growing not only here on earth, but also in heaven with 2 losses to mischarriage in the last year.  How closely our paths are the same... 

As I was preparing my crucifix and the sign beside it that Maria had left when she entered the Poor Clares... She had quietly gone into her 14 year old brother's room, and under the crucifix over his bed she had put the sign - "This is how one loves." How I had marveled over that reality then and now!

 I saw the 12 week old baby image...that I had gotten lately from a prolife speaker, that had come to Marshall on the anniversary of legalization of abortion.  With Deuteronomy 30: 15-20 vibrating in my heart - "I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.  Choose life, then, that you and your decendants may live, by loving the Lord, your God, heeding his voice, and holding fast to him..."  Choose LIFE!  I am in the midst of reading an amazing book called The Prodigal Daughters  - a book of 17 women's stories, of leaving the Catholic Church in the turbulant 60's and 70's following the free love- do whatever feels good generation, and the feminist ideas, New Age etc... These are women that are basically my age, and then each one comes to the realization that the Catholic Church has it all figured out and is truly the True Church!  Some have had abortions as a "convenient way" of taking care of a pregnancy that they were not wanting at that time... none of them walked away from that with a feeling of relief.  They all suffered, and continue to have a wound as a result of doing this to the baby inside of them!  One woman struggling with the decision that the world around her was telling her was hers to make, yet knowing that it would be taking a life... went ahead with the abortion.  She writes..."The time that followed was the darkest, most sordid of my life.  The life of God's grace in my soul was entirely eclipsed by sin.   I had thought aborting my child would solve my problems, but my problems remained.  Even now I cannot find words to describe the sense of anguish and abandonment I experienced.  Feeling totally alone, unloved and unworthy of love, I continued to slide ever deeper into a spiritual morass.  To numb the painful voice of conscience, I turned to drinking and drugs...  As I hit rock bottom emotionally, an interior image came to me, as if from the heart of Heaven.  I could see myself clearly standing on the brink of a deep, dark, rock-strewn canyon.  I knew that continuing on my present path would take me into the darkness, where I would become as hard as the canyon rocks.  In an agonized moment of grace, I was able to look up at God and cry out, 'Are you there?' " Rachel Riley

Jesus, we ask to become less and less so that you may become more and more.  I pray that it does not take such great lengths of turning our backs on you and your Truth... to find the way to become small.  We hear of those that take their lives - reaching such depths of despair and confusion!  May we choose LIFE, and in small ways give up those things that come between your love for us and our ability to follow you carrying our Cross - the Tree of LIFE!  May we always recall that we are the Temple of your Holy Spirit, that dwells within us and fills us with the strength and courage to persevere!  We wish to be a beautiful golden jewel encrusted temple, and strive to be pure and holy as you deserve - may we always strive for LIFE and LOVE in all that we do each minute of each day, with your help!  May we love without counting the cost, and always remind ourselves when circumstances are difficult - "Wounded, I do not cease to love."  Jesus, we choose LIFE! Jesus, help us to fight for LIFE, and end the taking of LIFE through abortion!  For all the innocent martyrs - sacrificed on the altar of selfishness and confusion.... the millions of lights that have been extinguished, and lost to our world.  Jesus, we trust in you.  Amen and Halleluia

Bless- bless, Barb
The Gospel for today - Luke 9: 22-25
Then he said to all, "If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.  What profit it there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?" 
It is so hard, Lord, give us the strength to follow you today... taking up our cross daily.

Getting his first ashes...

Just being 9 months old... baby Augustine had ashes put on his forehead for the first time today.  He looks very unconcerned by the whole thing, he is very used to going forth in his parents' arms as they go to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus every Sunday and sometimes daily... I have a feeling that since Lent is here that mom will put more of an effort into daily mass.  He is also used to the priest reaching out and touching his head with the blessing - "become the Body of Christ."  So it probably didn't overly seem strange today when that black smudged thumb made the sign of a cross on his forehead.  He is so innocently marked with the sign of our humanness, and in time will come to understand that he is God's creation, and without Him there is no happiness or peace.  He already is encountering Christ with his parents, as they worship together and pray together and share Bible stories together.  For a baby to be surrounded by the love and care of its parents - little Augustine is learning to trust and find a place to be happy and content within his domestic church - his loving wonderful FAMILY!  That will carry him forward into learning about the LOVE of JESUS for him... Jesus, wants to spend every minute of your life with you, sweet baby Augustine!  Allow nothing to come between you - now you are innocent and very LOVED.... rest assured in His LOVE and LIFE! 

Today Nancy and Maria launched their blog - small things - with a woman, who embraced the suffering of our Lord and took it upon herself - St Rafqa of Lebanon - http://dosmallthingswithlove.blogspot.com/  Both Nancy and Maria will share weekly on it, and Nancy said that she will share twice a week!  I am excited to learn at the feet of my two daughters!  Jesus, please bless this undertaking they are on to share their love for you and Your Church!  Jesus, we trust in you.  Bless-bless, Barb

"A clean heart create for me, O God,   and a steadfast spirit renew within me... Give me back the joy of my salvation, and a willing spirit sustain in me.   O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise."  Psalm 51

Little new calf - two days ago you were in your mother's womb and now you are looking at the world around you with "new eyes."  We are happy to see the mud after so many months of drought!

"Die a little bit each day of Lent..."

With excitement in her eyes - Mary is looking at the father of Snowball's calf - she wants it to be a heifer with a white blaze down the center of her head like her mom, Snowball, and she is going to have her calf any day now.  It is an exciting time and a time that we need to be vigilant in watching the cows on our cow TV - we have a camera in the barn and can get up during the night and look at the TV to see if anyone is having their calf and might need some help.  It used to be that Pat would have to get up and dressed a couple times during the night to go out and look at them, but now with modern technology it is so nice to sit by the woodstove and watch them on TV!  Just returning from an amazing weekend with our Loving and Forgiving Lord, Jesus Christ at a TEC retreat... I was deeply touched by the last speaker - a young girl, who is a junior in HS.  She spoke so sweetly of how Jesus died for us, "so it is not that much to expect for us to die a little bit each day of lent for Him."  I really want to place that before me this next 40 days, and remember that Jesus was in the desert fasting for all of them!  "Repent and believe in the Gospel."  Mk 1: 15  This is what John the Baptist was proclaiming when Jesus returned from his lent in the desert, faced the temptations of the devil and was strong in faith, and then was baptized in the Jordon by John the Baptist, and God revealed Jesus as his Son. 

New life - reminding us of the renewal that we are praying that will take place within us.  May we give birth to all the fruits of the Spirit in our lives as we "die a little each day."  As a grain of wheat goes into the ground, dies and bears much fruit - may we die to selves!  Jesus, we love you and need you in our lives.  We really get in touch with our weakness as we start lent with the long list of things that we want to give up, and do for others without thoughts of ourselves or counting the cost.  We really get in touch with how much we need supernatural help to persevere - may we turn to the gift of YOU in your Word and Sacraments and may Prayer become as the air that we breath - with every beat of our hearts with every breath that we take - "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..."  May we look upon you on the cross and see in your brokenness and sacrifice that you showed us how to love.  I will always remember when Maria entered the Poor Clare Monastery -she left a small sign under the crucifix in her brothers room - "This is how one loves."  I am going to go and find a crucifix and put it in the middle of the table with that sign under it for the next 40 days to remind myself - that the small "deaths" that I need to do are as nothing compared to what you did for me, my Loving and Forgiving, Jesus Christ!  I am yours, and I want to never be seperated from YOU!  Jesus, I trust in you.  Amen and Halleluia

Bless-bless, Barb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RRZgr7wNDs  May this amazing song by Aaron Shust give you the strength and hope that you need to embrace your "desert" this lent, and come out conquering the devil and all his temptations, empty promises, and lies! 

"Even now, says the Lord, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning: Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God.  For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment.  Perhaps he will again relent and leave behind him a blessing, offerings and libations for the Lord, your God." 

Joel 2: 12-18  The first reading for mass today!  Go forth with your ashes marking the beginning of dying a little each day of Lent and allowing HIM to come closer and closer!  Jesus, we love you!

Psalm 25 of David.

1 "In you, LORD my God,

I put my trust.



2 I trust in you;

do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one who hopes in you

will ever be put to shame,

but shame will come on those

who are treacherous without cause.



4 Show me your ways, LORD,

teach me your paths.

5 Guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.

7 Do not remember the sins of my youth

and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

for you, LORD, are good.



8 Good and upright is the LORD;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right

and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful

toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, LORD,

forgive my iniquity, though it is great.



12 Who, then, are those who fear the LORD?

He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.[b]

13 They will spend their days in prosperity,

and their descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;

he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,

for only he will release my feet from the snare.



16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 Relieve the troubles of my heart

and free me from my anguish.

18 Look on my affliction and my distress

and take away all my sins.

19 See how numerous are my enemies

and how fiercely they hate me!



20 Guard my life and rescue me;

do not let me be put to shame,

for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,

because my hope, LORD,[c] is in you. "

40 days of lent begins with new life

It was a good Mardi Gras today.. I am really looking forward to lent beginning tomorrow.  It is just good to sacrifice a little bit more each day of lent... "Remember that Jesus gave his all for us, so it is not that much for us to fast a bit and do without a bit."  I am ready, Lord!  Thank you for this opportunity to hold myself back from the day to day indulgences!  Easter JOY is more full and beautiful after the lenten fast!  Thank you Lord!  It was a sign of new LIFE to go out and see the new calf that was born overnight... a sweet little black bull with his mother in the fresh bedding a wonderful sight to behold!  Spring is in the air - with the calving beginning and the promise of Easter after the 40 days of Lent which lie ahead.  Jesus, we want to go deeply into the desert, and face the temptations that come with doing without... finding strength and comfort with your Spirit!  Jesus, we trust in you.  Bless-bless

The Paralytic

John was home for Christmas break...  I captured this picture of him walking across the yard while helping his dad outside.  He is stepping on his left foot, which still has some loss due to his ataxia caused by the brain surgery needed to diagnose his brain surgery.  He had the surgery at the end of July 2009, and we, with overwhelming fear, brought him home from Rochster on our 31st wedding anniversary - August 3!  He was unable to walk due to the ataxia, which made his left side not willing to do what he wanted it to.  He was unable to find his nose with his finger on his left hand, and he toppled to his left side due to the lack of ability to control his arm or leg... his father, who is shorter and a wider base, fit perfectly under his left arm and became his ability to get where he wanted to go slowly!  I agonized as it drew to the end of his first chemo, as to what we should do.  Should we put him in intensive rehab to try to regain some independence?  I am not sure why we in our fog of fear and worry - decided to bring him home, but that is what we did.  We got about 10 miles out of Rochester and we stopped at Subway.. I was shocked that John wanted to come in, and his dad got under his left arm, and he staggered into the restaurant.  He appeared drunk, and his dad had to help him into the bathroom in this obviously altered state... this was the epitome of humbling for both father and son!  Then he helped John go through the line of picking out his food.  People looked at him, and were very concerned.  I remember that John explained to some of the people there that he had just gotten out of Rochester for brain cancer!  He was a very visible picture of suffering!  Pat looked to be carrying his Cross as he helped John move around - leaning on his dad and even his head tilted to the left!  The first day home... Pat helped John into the shower, where we had a shower chair for him to sit on... I had gotten some equipment that we needed from hospice where I worked at the time.  Pat left him there to shower, and suddenly we heard a loud crash!  John had stood up and fallen out of the shower and almost hit his head on a wall... I was shaken to my core, and thought that we had made the worst mistake ever - thinking that we could bring him home and care for him there. 

Here is John a year before at the State Fair - the bloom of health is upon him!  I was going to use some from the horrific time of "The storm" that I was sharing about, but the moral of my sharing today struck me, so I went with the old John instead...
On Saturday night at my retreat I was able to take a few minutes to read the Gospel for the next day, and all those in my dorm heard me rejoice to see that it was the story in Mark of the paralytic, who we lowered down through the roof in front of Jesus! The person next to me asked why that was so great..."Because that is exactly what happened to John!  Through all the prayers that surrounded him- he was lowered in front of Jesus by his friends!  Now he is two years without cancer!"  The following day at mass - Fr Tony spoke about the paralytic and how "seeing" him come walking through the crowd carrying his mat was so lifechanging for those that witnessed him..."Wasn't he just carried in on that mat, and now he is carrying it and walking through the world healed!?"  It really struck me that John is that for those that see him... He is now a different John with no hair, due to the radiation, and still some incoordination on that left side of his body.   He has forever been altered by his year battle with cancer, and a lot of it happened on the inside!  Even that it visible to others though.  His dorm mom shared with me that she sees a more gentle and compassionate John now.  It is as though he was chewed up and spit out... softened and humbled and looking with eyes filled with a new understanding of suffering, and how it makes us turn to HIM!  I truly "saw"with the eyes of my heart that John is here to be a sign of that man walking and carrying his mat.  The world needs to see him and he is truly a sign of HOPE!

John walking his two grandmothers down the aisle at Nancy's wedding... He was a groomsman, but he loves his grandmothers and wanted to do this for them.  He also walked me up and I wept from the sheer power of that - my healed but changed son walking me towards Jesus at the front of the Church at Nancy's wedding, after waiting for the right man as she watched her sisters marry and have children ahead of her, and knowing that Hallel could not be there, and that we all would be united in the Eucharist we were to share!  Such a powerful moment of FAMILY and FAITH! 

Jesus, how we felt the army of heaven with us this weekend!  All the glorious saints surrounded us with their lives - they truly are many of them paralytics carrying the mats they had been paralyzed on and not able to rise off of - until you healed them with the Cross!  They learned how to embrace their crosses and to come out on the other side into the resurrection!  "The angels and saints packed the corners of the church" as we shared the banquet of heaven and earth in the Eucharist!  We are filled with a small glimpse of heaven that we received on this special walk with you.  You forgave our sins and we soared to highest heights!  You touched our hands, and we rose off our mats and walked!   We are healed, and now we go forth as a sign to those that know the old us - Look at the visible sign of our healing - we are carrying those mats that we were laying on, unable to walk!  We are going forth carrying our cross!  We not only carry it, but we embrace it knowing that it is our tree of LIFE!  We are nothing without you, Jesus our loving and forgiving LORD of LOVE and LIFE!  Jesus, we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb

The Gospel for today says it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark 9: 30-37

"If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all."  Taking a child, he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it, he said to them, "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me." 

Lord, let me decrease so that you may increase!  I am yours!  You are my LIFE!