The Paralytic

John was home for Christmas break...  I captured this picture of him walking across the yard while helping his dad outside.  He is stepping on his left foot, which still has some loss due to his ataxia caused by the brain surgery needed to diagnose his brain surgery.  He had the surgery at the end of July 2009, and we, with overwhelming fear, brought him home from Rochster on our 31st wedding anniversary - August 3!  He was unable to walk due to the ataxia, which made his left side not willing to do what he wanted it to.  He was unable to find his nose with his finger on his left hand, and he toppled to his left side due to the lack of ability to control his arm or leg... his father, who is shorter and a wider base, fit perfectly under his left arm and became his ability to get where he wanted to go slowly!  I agonized as it drew to the end of his first chemo, as to what we should do.  Should we put him in intensive rehab to try to regain some independence?  I am not sure why we in our fog of fear and worry - decided to bring him home, but that is what we did.  We got about 10 miles out of Rochester and we stopped at Subway.. I was shocked that John wanted to come in, and his dad got under his left arm, and he staggered into the restaurant.  He appeared drunk, and his dad had to help him into the bathroom in this obviously altered state... this was the epitome of humbling for both father and son!  Then he helped John go through the line of picking out his food.  People looked at him, and were very concerned.  I remember that John explained to some of the people there that he had just gotten out of Rochester for brain cancer!  He was a very visible picture of suffering!  Pat looked to be carrying his Cross as he helped John move around - leaning on his dad and even his head tilted to the left!  The first day home... Pat helped John into the shower, where we had a shower chair for him to sit on... I had gotten some equipment that we needed from hospice where I worked at the time.  Pat left him there to shower, and suddenly we heard a loud crash!  John had stood up and fallen out of the shower and almost hit his head on a wall... I was shaken to my core, and thought that we had made the worst mistake ever - thinking that we could bring him home and care for him there. 

Here is John a year before at the State Fair - the bloom of health is upon him!  I was going to use some from the horrific time of "The storm" that I was sharing about, but the moral of my sharing today struck me, so I went with the old John instead...
On Saturday night at my retreat I was able to take a few minutes to read the Gospel for the next day, and all those in my dorm heard me rejoice to see that it was the story in Mark of the paralytic, who we lowered down through the roof in front of Jesus! The person next to me asked why that was so great..."Because that is exactly what happened to John!  Through all the prayers that surrounded him- he was lowered in front of Jesus by his friends!  Now he is two years without cancer!"  The following day at mass - Fr Tony spoke about the paralytic and how "seeing" him come walking through the crowd carrying his mat was so lifechanging for those that witnessed him..."Wasn't he just carried in on that mat, and now he is carrying it and walking through the world healed!?"  It really struck me that John is that for those that see him... He is now a different John with no hair, due to the radiation, and still some incoordination on that left side of his body.   He has forever been altered by his year battle with cancer, and a lot of it happened on the inside!  Even that it visible to others though.  His dorm mom shared with me that she sees a more gentle and compassionate John now.  It is as though he was chewed up and spit out... softened and humbled and looking with eyes filled with a new understanding of suffering, and how it makes us turn to HIM!  I truly "saw"with the eyes of my heart that John is here to be a sign of that man walking and carrying his mat.  The world needs to see him and he is truly a sign of HOPE!

John walking his two grandmothers down the aisle at Nancy's wedding... He was a groomsman, but he loves his grandmothers and wanted to do this for them.  He also walked me up and I wept from the sheer power of that - my healed but changed son walking me towards Jesus at the front of the Church at Nancy's wedding, after waiting for the right man as she watched her sisters marry and have children ahead of her, and knowing that Hallel could not be there, and that we all would be united in the Eucharist we were to share!  Such a powerful moment of FAMILY and FAITH! 

Jesus, how we felt the army of heaven with us this weekend!  All the glorious saints surrounded us with their lives - they truly are many of them paralytics carrying the mats they had been paralyzed on and not able to rise off of - until you healed them with the Cross!  They learned how to embrace their crosses and to come out on the other side into the resurrection!  "The angels and saints packed the corners of the church" as we shared the banquet of heaven and earth in the Eucharist!  We are filled with a small glimpse of heaven that we received on this special walk with you.  You forgave our sins and we soared to highest heights!  You touched our hands, and we rose off our mats and walked!   We are healed, and now we go forth as a sign to those that know the old us - Look at the visible sign of our healing - we are carrying those mats that we were laying on, unable to walk!  We are going forth carrying our cross!  We not only carry it, but we embrace it knowing that it is our tree of LIFE!  We are nothing without you, Jesus our loving and forgiving LORD of LOVE and LIFE!  Jesus, we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb

The Gospel for today says it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mark 9: 30-37

"If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all."  Taking a child, he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it, he said to them, "Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me." 

Lord, let me decrease so that you may increase!  I am yours!  You are my LIFE!