I have shared how what I felt could be a call to religious life was what brought me to the point... where when I returned from the commune in Colorado and my father and mother told me that being the oldest... I could decide if I wanted to become Catholic. I had already come to the place where I was attracted to the idea of being a sister... The decision to become Catholic was a no brainer for me at that point... "I want to be a sister so I want to become Catholic!" I call those first few years in the Catholic Church as my "nun" years... I returned home and totally "cleaned out" my life.
I dressed simply and modestly... no more bikini sun bathes with my rosary... I decluttered my room and painted the whole thing white... I went to mass every day and spent time in front of the tabernacle at my new school which was ST Catherine's... the liberal attitude that has taken over a lot there now was just starting to be apparent then. I was aware of the upheaval among the sisters after Vatican 2, but being a new Catholic... I missed the big changes that Pat and others talk about as Latin was dropped and how the priest had his back to the people as he said the mass. This had all changed by time we joined the church... I have since attended the latin mass offered now at St Agnes in the Cities and find it all very powerful and beautiful... with the stunning chanting and all, and numerous altar boys of all ages and the incense and bells and all the high glorious mass.... But I can see that it was a good thing to have the language be that of the people and the priest to face the people and make it a more personal experience. I do think that some added incense and the bells at the consecration keep us focused on the fact that this truly is CHRIST in His flesh offered for us on the altar!
I had a young sister at the Cenacle oonvent, who was my spiritual director as I was discerning whether I should be a nun or not. She was quite sweet and young and pretty, and I think that I would meet with her monthly. I had lived with them for that month during January term and studied religious life. The paper I wrote spoke of the vows that are taken and I think that I focused on the poverty, chastity and obedience vows that are taken, and what each one meant. Looking back now I realize that this was right when so many were leaving the convent... Pat describes a full convent of St Joseph sisters here in Marshall and most of his teachers were sisters for his first years at Holy Redeemer School. He also experienced that many of them left and that it was pretty traumatic on him to have all his wonderful teachers suddenly leave to be married... Religious life certainly took a blow for those years after Vatican 2... My daughter, Maria, her thesis for her masters in Catholic Studies... trying to understand what happened in the Church at that time. The conclusion she came up with was that there was false information spread around as to what the Chruch was saying with all the changes at that time! Sadly many left behind their habits and in a way lost their identity. WE see now that the young people are flocking to the orders that wear habits and have a strong community of shared prayers of the Church and live in community...
The wonderful young sister that was directing me... would constantly tell me that i should continue to keep the idea that I could also be called to marriage open. Then one day she totally took the wind out of my sails as she said..."by the way... I am leaving to get married." I was shocked and crushed! From that point on... there was no conscious decision on my part that I was not called to be a sister, but it all just faded away. Like a horse that rode into the sunset at the end of the movie... I felt that I had considered it and for some reason it was not for me. My nun years turned into friend years with some dating here and there. It was a switch had been turned off. And later when I met Pat... I understood that the call for me was to marriage. I also had a friend, Jan, who was about 10 years older than I and had never married. She never came to the point where she could accept the single state and it made me realize that of the three vocations... How do you ever come to the place where you say that you are called to the single state? It seems that there is always that feeling like the right person is out there for you... when do you come to peace and acceptance? That is a hard vocation and one that I should lift up in prayer more often.
Considering religious life as an option for our kids has always been something that we wanted to encourage! I wanted my girls to see sisters in habits, because they are set apart and special in the eyes of the world! They wear their clothing to witness to the world that they are brides of Christ! WE had to send them to camp at Schoenstatt camp in Sleepy Eye for them to have exposure with sisters like this. Our girls all loved to go and when I would go to pick them up... I remember one time that Maria didn't want to come home. And another time when Susan was 10 or so... it was on the way home from camp alone in the car together that Susan spoke a heartfelt sharing that she felt like the Lord was calling her to be a siser like they were. The tears came to my eye to the point that I had to stop the car for a bit... not at the thought that I would be losing my daughter in this way, but more at the depth that sharing and insight had come from...somewhere very deep within her!
Over the years I would try to nurture that with Susan and ask her here and there about pursuing some aspect of religious life and i have to say that there were differing responses from her. Finally in High School she would be fond of saying to me; "I am either going to be a sister or have a huge family." That would keep me off her a bit. In the last year as we drove up the familiar driveway of Schoenstatt on the Lake for a night with the Bishop and sharing with other parents, who had daughters in religious life... it was so reminscient to be there with some of the familiar sisters still working in the kitchen. So approptiate... because they had helped plant and nurture the seed in Susan. Thank you Lord for the beautiful way you call us... all we need to do is listen and be open and you will present a wonderful amazing life with you in the center... whether married, single or sister or brother or priest! We are so blessed!
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