There seems to be a darkness and sadness deep within us as we follow the footsteps of our Lord as he makes his way to his impending suffering and death...."But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us." Romans5:8 It is more the fact that we are feeling so unworthy and guilty for all the ways that we add to the burden of sin that our Lord had to carry for each of us... so that we can be free to follow him.
Today focusing on the miserable person that Judas must have been and although Jesus knew of his betrayal probably for all the time that Judas was with him... Jesus continued to love him and treat him no differently than he treated any of the other 12. May we take this to heart and strive more in our lives to be better followers. Jesus hear our heartfelt prayers of sorrow at our sins and picking ourselves up and going forward into our lives to likewise serve those around us with love and forgiveness. Jesus we trust in You!
It has also been a wonderful morning with our second daughter, Nancy, here to join each of us in what we are doing with the day... She has the wonderful gift... much like her Godmother and my sister, Mary,... of being "present" for each of the three of us here. She joined her father and I for mass this morning and then went outside to feed the calves with her dad and her brother, and then to go and see all the cows and calves with them. In between she came in the house and swept the floor for me and we chatted about what is going on in each of our lives... Nancy is so good at sharing and bringing things out of you so effortlessly! Then she is off with her brother going to therapy with him, and he called on their way in saying that she was going to take him out to lunch afterwards... How he loves it when his sisters are here and of anyone... he adores them and enjoys their company so much that it brings tears to a mother's eyes... Nancy is a breath of fresh air in this stuffy old place that we can become with just the three of us here... Maybe part of that is the beautiful spring weather though too! It was a delight to put clothes on the line for the first time yesterday and with another one in the wash now... I feel excited to go out there and feel the warm breezes blowing over me and the clean clothes... It would be nice for that excitement to last!
So much to share on this day before the whole scene of salvation goes into motion. I think of all the wonderful deep hours that I spent in the little chapel in Kansas City in front of the altar to our Lady of Guadelupe.... The hours of adoration daily that I was able to lift you all up to our Lord of love and peace! Looking across the room at the face of my daughter as her voice was raised in glorious song to her love of her life... Jesus Christ and his Lady her Spiritual Mother! Hallel is a name very fitting for her when she in prayer and song! What Joy!
I would like to quote here Archbishop Naumann; "We're grateful to you for embracing God's will , and being open to His call to serve Him as a consecrated religious and to live this life that tries to be a witness to the rest of us of what it means to depend on God and his providence in your lives. In so doing, I think, that you become a living Gospel in a very beautiful way for the rest of us. To seek God's will... to embrace God's will with our lives. Like Mary... You might say; "How's this possible for God to make me inito this living Gospel with all my weaknesses and hesitations?" And yet we know that God is using you in very beautiful ways and powerful ways and you see the miracle of His graces.... you see... You get glimpses, we pray, of how God is using you to touch and affect the lives of his people. And you trust that despite your own weaknesses and limitations, that God can use you for something truly beautiful and extraordinary just as he used Mary. And that indeed with God nothing is impossible!"
As we focus in our hearts more to a place of prayer... preparing ourselves to share our Lord's suffering and death... I like to go in my heart to the prayerful presence of all those devoted in a deep and personal contemplative way to focus on our Lord.... Yes, I am called to a life of the world, but that does not mean that my heart can not remain in deep contemplation whenever possible... that cannot be robbed of me by the world! One more thought provoking look at Judas as shared by Fr Sertillanges (1948) , who was a renowned Dominican preacher...
"Christ was willing to experience in length and silence the royal sorrow of betrayal - of betrayal by an intimate, by one who has been showered with kindnesses. He had poured them forth upon Judas, knowing all the while that he would show himself a monster. He spoke to him with consideration, with the vision of his crime before him. He washed his feet on that Thursday evening, conscious that he had already been sold.
"And in the garden of Gethsemane, when the miserable man had destroyed the last barrier that still held back the torrent of hatred, of iniquity, and of torture with his infamous kiss, the only revenge of Jesus was the gentle query: "My poor friend, what have you come here to do?" ONce more he gave Judas the title fo friend, which he had perhaps not applied to him at supper. He wanted him to know he had a right ot it, as the final effort put forth by the patience of God."
In contrast Peter was considered also....Fr Simon Tugwell wrote; "Our Lord chose St Peter, and his very weakness is our strength. He knew that it was no strength of his own that kept him from going the way of Judas Iscariot. And so he was chosen to be the one to "strengthen his brethern" because he knew what it was to be strengthened himself. Lk 22:31"
Dear forever loving and forgiving Lord... so much to ponder today as we prepare in deep places to embrace you bloodied and dying on the way of the cross and being placed there in the most brutal death we could ever imagine... Help us to know that we are weak as both of these followers of you, but with the strength you give us every day we can be followers of you... And by revealing our weakness we can help others to know that they too can come into your light of day! Jesus we love you and thank you for the amazing plan of salvation we are allowed to be part of each year! Bless-bless, Barb
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