"Jesus, looking at him, loved him..." Mark 10

John just before he spoke at Faith formation last month... much has happened since then, and he has returned home as he continues to ask the Holy Spirit to guide and direct his life.  He is wanting to fill his time here with discernment and working within The Church and in just the two days home it appears that the doors are opening up for him to do that!  It was a hard day for me, his mom, to go and help him move out of the gloomy dank basement apartment, and to bring him back here.  Yes, I love the idea of having him back, yet I know that this move signifies the struggles he has been facing and the depression that set in.  He says that he is much better, yet I know that there are many deep things he needs to deal with as a result of his cancer journey, and now the most upsetting news that his brain is showing signs of changes.  It has brought us back to our knees - begging and pleading that the Lord will protect his brain from harm from all the treatments that we had to do to save his life!  We have to continue to have Faith in HIM to have a special plan for John after sparing his life from almost certain death due to brain cancer!  John has experienced the Gospel description of "Jesus, looking at him, loved him..."  when the rich young man falls on his knees before Jesus and offers to follow Him!  Finally Jesus tells him - "You are lacking one thing.  Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; them come, follow me."  Not to say that John is rich, but he has been humbled immensely in his low paying to no paying jobs and chores, and he has been called upon to give of his personal talents and time... all has been changed by his cancer, and he shares openly - John took heart from Pope Francis at WYD in Brazil when he told the young people to "make noise!"  John longs to share his story and hopes and prays that his words shared with humor and humility will change lives that we shallow and going through the motions as his was.  Then with a half -hearted prayer for Faith a few weeks later he discovered his Cross - Brain cancer!  And through that Cross he found Faith and LIFE/LOVE/LIGHT!

John brushing Mary's hair after baths - with 4 older sisters - this might be the first time experience for him and he seemed very careful and gentle.  Rose already had hers' done! 
John missed desperately his family around him and with all the events after her left of Luke's birth, baptism, and things on the weekend - he was only able to spend a few Sundays at the church there in Jackson.  Although there is a sense of defeat in his quitting his job after 4 months, there also seemed to be a strong indication that John needed to come back and regroup and find spiritual direction as he continues to ponder a call to the religious life.  After hearing the difficult news in Rochester of changes although no cancer.... it planted a seed of worry and doubt in his cognitive ability as a result of the whole brain radiation.  He faced a crisis of depressed thinking and worrying, and even shared that he felt suicidal at the lowest place.  Yikes!  This is hugely hard for me to hear and not allow the worry warts to come in full force!  He claims that with the help of priest friends and family that he is in a much better place now, but....  One thing John has shared with me some times over these last 4 1/2 years is the fact that he should have died, and that things would have been easier if he had!  I have to be brutally honest here from my own point of view - the really low times in my life, like when I lost one of my babies in the womb, I would have a fleeting thought of wanting to go with them and how much easier and more wonderful it would be to share heaven with them rather than face the pain here.  Yet, I would look at my husband and my sweet children that I was blessed with to share my journey of LIFE/LOVE/LIFE with and I would know that I wanted to be here!  I will always remember the tears John shed when we left Renville after visiting a girl a year older than him, who was dying in the hospice room at the hospital there.  "Why me?  Why am I still alive?  I feel so guilty that I am spared and they aren't!"  I don't think he has truly come to grips with this nor accepted that he is to live here and what to do with that life.  This is our prayer for John, and I, personally, have no doubt that the Lord is looking at John, and loving him!

Reading to Rose Ida before bed.  As it true for all of us - when we can get outside of our inner selfish thoughts and worries, we can start to heal and walk away from that constant self-examination.  Jesus tells the rich young man to give all he has to the poor - we can take that to heart and give to those around us in need in our own domestic Church/family... the little ones we have been called to make LIGHTS of the world, the spouse that needs our help throughout the day and do it with joy and cheerfulness, the poor at our door and that we encounter through our day to day lives - one of my sisters sees homeless and poor at the place she is going to school - they come in from the cold there. She has started making up care packages to give them with food items and personal care items inside, and has offered others to help out with some financial help.  Her heart was touched by their suffering and she did not look the other way, but took to heart a way of ministering to them and including others in her good work!  I would gladly put anyone interested in touch with her to help her good work! 

Smiles and giggles with little Rose - Zesty Zita we call her! 
Jesus, John is so hopeful and encouraged by those who are wanting to help him find that path you have laid out before him. He is looking for the light past the opened door to walk through excitedly and enthusiastically!  He wants to make great "noise" for You - sharing how he has been healed from his brain cancer, and then to continue on with the story of where he is called to love and serve YOU.  He knows that You looked at him and saw deeply into his soul, mind, and heart - nothing was hidden from you and You "loved him" with a redeeming and unconditional love and forgiveness!  He discovered true Faith in You and your Bride, The Church!  He longs to share that with all that will listen to him.  His God-given talent of speaking to groups and presenting himself fits into his burning desire to speak and "make noise!"  Yet, there is a very humble place from which he shares and that is from the Cross he has experienced and continues to have as a part of his life as the new John!  We place him in your hands and, once again, know that you are in control in the midst of the storm.  Jesus, we trust in YOU.  Amen and Hallelujah

Bless-bless, Barbara Luke

Psalm 23

King James Version (KJV)

23 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

² He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
³ He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
⁵ Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
So amazing!  I know the KJV is how I learned it so it is just a thing of beauty to me!  Lord, hear our prayer that peace may reign now and forever!

John helping Bernadette with her shoes the other day...
"God did not stop at adopting me, he has given me his Only Son.  Infinite God that he is, could he bestow upon me a greater gift, or testify for me a greater love?"  Fr Jean-Nicholas Grou (1803)

Hello my name is Child of the one true King - Matthew West