Today is a big day around here... the cows are to be bred for having their calves next winter/spring... A good friend of ours, Ailene, is here to help with the process. While John and I were in Rochester to begin his stem cell transplant... She arrived at the same time we did so that she could stay with us as she traveled to a nearby town to learn how to AI - in other words artificially inseminate or breed cows! She is as much a "city girl" as I ever was coming from Detroit to the U of M... she fell in love with cows through horses as she was a horse girl growing up. She worked at a huge cattle ranch in Nebraska last summer and John and she were dating... When she got the news of his cancer... she came to be by his side through thick and thin... Many times I would say to her that I would totally understand if this was too much for her to handle, because even as his mother it was something that I would wish for no one else to ever have to face! She amazed me by telling me with so much maturity; "You stick by your friends when they need you the most."
And that she did for most of his cancer journey, and really when he entered his healing part of the journey - they decided that they were looking for different things than the other could offer, and decided to break up.... after a couple weeks of "talking a lot" they decided to try it again and John shared with me that the brief break up had taken them to a more serious place where they were sharing more about the things that they were facing and their futures... This went on long distance with lots of "texting" and after another month they once again decided that they were in different places and different goals. So to have her here today is very emotional for me and I just wept like an idiot in her arms... I need to pull myself together in order to have a decent conversation with her! She was so much a part of the cancer journey that it will definitely take me a while to do that! Thank you Ailene for the mature and caring person that you are! And I hope that you can find your cows in your life - she is on her way to work once again at the cattle ranch in Nebraska for the summer and stopping by on her way to help with our big day here... Her hands are smaller than Pat's for the job at hand.. I think that the cows will apprecaite that for sure! We were just laughing about how miserable she was when she had to get into small pens with calves and try to "break" them and how painful it was gettting kicked and stepped on. "There are two other new interns this year and I am hoping that they will get the pleassure (?) of breaking them and I will not have to this year."
Pat, John and I shared morning prayer and the reading of the day at our hurried breakfast today... (see www.magnificat.com). I was amazed as I read these words from John today as he asks Peter the 3 times - "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" ... That whole situation is cool as Peter is being forgiven and called to be the first Pope, but this is the part that I just had to exclaim about; "Feed my sheep. Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go... Follow me." John 21:15-19 After working in the nursing home this is so appropriate as I see this all around me there! I recently came across a traced picture that I did back in my single nursing day at HCMC on neuro... it is of a homeless old man laying in a pile of clothes covering him and gazing at a crucifix in his hands... it touched me deeply as I was working hugely with alcoholics.... as that is a high percentage of the patients that come there... So often I would patch them up, and get them cleaned up inside and out, and then we would send them out all spit and polished - only to be going to work on the bus to see them staggering down the street, or falling down the curb into the gutter. My heart would bleed for them, and their sad hopeless state! This picture represented for me the lowest that a person can "hit bottom", and that there they can find the only place that can "save" them.. their loving and forgiving Lord and Savior... There is no wonder that in AA there is recognized that the "higher power" is needed to crawl out of the gutter!
So much of my work at the nursing home is with those that have lost their ability to care of themselves with the most basic needs. It is in many ways taking me back to my younger years as I was a nurses aide and a young nurse at HCMC and Little Sisters of the Poor Nursing home before that. I am overwhelmed at this point with all the new things I am learning and how everything is done, but I hope to get to the place where I can do a good and thorough job with those things, and have more a relationship with the people. As heart wrenching as it was to see all my hard work undone... I did feel that I was serving them and praying for them... which is what so much of the hard places in our lives gets to... Prayer... One time I said to my daughter, Maria, that I felt so helpless with all the problems that I saw around me... What can I do to make a difference? What is the Lord asking me to do with all of these He has given me? "Mom, just pray for them like this - Jesus and Mary, I love you. Save souls." On Tuesdays when I do my deepest praying... I end the prayers with this simple plea to my Lord and His loving caring Mother!"
I need to know that I will come to a better place with my job, and take courage in the fact that my foot will heal and I will get into better shape to handle these long hours on my feet and being busier than I am used to.... I am feeling more and more that this is where I am to be now... especially with John's clean bill of health last week. Getting ready for company... Ailene coming... I was upstairs cleaning, and was in Susan's room and noticed once again the small pieces of paper she had left behind on a make shift "prayer space" with her statue of her patron saint.. St Agnes, and a prayer card of Blessed Theresa of Calcutta, and a painting of the crying Christ that she had always had with her... The small handwritten slip of paper is of the love relationship that Susan has with her Lord to rival any love that we had for our future spouces back in the "early days" of our love stories... "I belong to my love, and his desire is for me." Song of Songs7:10 I was deeply touched by the intimacy of this verse, and how it revealed to me how Susan now little sister Hallel felt about her spouce - Our Lord and Lover Jesus Christ! It blew me away and now to receive this deep and powerful letter she wrote to Nancy about marriage - reveals that she has embraced her call to become the bride of Christ!
The second slip of paper is equally powerful and called... O Bona Crux or I would say it means O beautiful cross...
"O Good Cross, which is decorated
and made beautiful by the hanging
body of the Lord upon it, long have I
desired you, ardently have I loved
you, unceasingly have I sought you,
and now my eager soul is ready for
you. Accept me from among men.
and bring me to my Master. Receive
this disciple of Christ, so that by
means of you He may receive me,
He who, by his death upon you,
redeemed me. Amen" - Prayed by St Andrew before being crucified for his faith.
Well, I am soon to get 3 kids so that I can do my part of this "big day" on the farm... I'm sure that I will have many pictures to share at some later time, but I am needing to make food and watch kids now. Jesus we thank you for the family times that allow us to be close and to help one another to accomplish the goal.. help us to be cheerful and loving at those times when we are so easily annoyed and short. Help my weakness and fill me with the fruits of your amazing Spirit! Jesus and Mary, I love you save souls... especially my own weak and sinful one... Jesus we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia! Bless-bless, Barb
While I was getting the upstairs presentable for guests - I found some pictures in Susan my cow girls room that I thought you would enjoy today.
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