It has been a long day already and it is only 8:30a... I am in Rochester after being gone from here for over 3 months... Realizing on our trip after it was light enough to see the landscape.. that now it is green after all those months of driving through snowy and icey sights. The three of us.. John ,his dad, Pat and myself...traveled from the wee hours of the morning to get here for early blood draw. John admitted that he had not slept well due to the anxiety that is starting to set in as we return to the place that has represented many ups and downs for us over the last 10 1/2 months... He has had a brave face throughout the last 3 months, and reminded me a few weeks ago when we were both in for pneumonia and I was telling the doctor that John had Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma... "I had PCNSL!" John was quick to remind us!
When his grandma Verly called last night and I heard him say that he was "worried" was the first hint that I got of him being less than calm and confident. I could hear the shakiness of tears close to the surface and I have heard him say to his sister that "if it is back... we will take it a day at a time." As if leading us forward as we traveled towards the tests and results that the last 3 days hold for us... is Laura Kesslehon, who a year ahead of John and just 10 years older than John went through all that John has... she continues to return for the check ups and be cancer free! She is who we "hang our hats on". We expect to get equally good news today!
With tendonitis in my left ankle as a result of the antibiotics I was put on for my pneumonia... I am the one being pushed around this big place in a wheelchair by my husband today! Very frustrating and humbling to be the one that appears to be the patient... while it's my 21 year old son who truly is! How I have wished so many times that it could be me rather than he... all so hard and crazy. Life is truly a mystery.
So much in Morning prayer and also the words of our Lord in the Gospel in the readings for the mass are speaking of the Holy Spirit... coming to bring us to that powerful place where the Lord dwells within us and brings us to the truth and joy and peace. Once again today in John 16:12-15 Jesus said to his disciples: "But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you in all truth." It reminds me of an email that I received in the last few days about how I know so much.... I look at it as... this is something that I love with my life! I am in a constant state of prayer and I also try to immerse myself in the readings of the day...why? 1) they are the readings that are being read throughout the world at every mass being said everywhere that day from a tiny village somewhere in Africa to the Vatican! What an amazing connection to share the Word of God (Christ) in this way. 2) My daughter, Little Sister Hallel, in her community of the Lamb... they "chew" the Gospel for the day... The day before they begin by speaking each line 5-10 times and then chant that line 3-6 times. It is so powerful and unexpected the way that words and lines jump out and speak to you when you do this. The following morning they continue to take it and make it a part of them in this way and then add where they look at other places in the Bible where there are "echoes" of this same thought or theme as well as the Church Fathers. So amazing!
My daughter, Little Sister Hallel, recently wrote the most amazing letter to her sister, Nancy, who recently got engaged about marriage! Why is that so startling? Because she has answered the call to be a Little Sister and as a result has become a bride of Chirst and will never marry in human terms... I guess that I just corrected my own thinking in writing this...to say that how can she have such deep insights into marriage... of course with the help of the Holy Spirit, but also because she is wedded to the source of all wisdom.. Jesus Christ. Pleae read the letter if you wish by checking on a post two nights ago where I enclosed it! You will be absolutely changed and enriched by her wisdom and the beauty of the idea of embracing our "most cherished cross".
In a long about sort of way... I am trying to express that we all through our confirmation filled with the Holy Spirit, and through our embracing with Love the Lord within us in the form of His Spirit... He will lead us to the Truth! How we hunger for more "knowledge" and "faith".... The Church is an endless supply of ways to help us grow...things to learn about the saints are endless to start with and so facinating! The things we can learn about our Mother Mary always fill me such wonder and amazement... at the ways that she is here to fulfill us and answer all of our needs... after all she brought Christ into the world through her humble and total "yes" to what He asks of all of us... to bear him to the World so that He can come to minister to all those around us on this journey of life! Then there is the constant stream of wisdom and guidance that the Church supplies for us through the popes and Fathers of the Church. I recently read an encyclical about the Eucharist written by JP2 that was so good I was just exclaiming with every new thought... "Wow! That is amazing!" Then there is the Theology of the Body... More to share with you all in the future... But I would google it ahead of me, because it is all so amazing and wonderful to be filled with that TRUTH... It was the hard work of both Pope JP2 and now Benedict! So much of what JP2 did... he had Cardinal Ratzinger right there at his side. It was so easy to love Benedict after the 25 years of TOTAL love and devotion to JP2!
The two guys are now gone for a nap in the quiet lounge as I finish this... Blessed Guerric of Igny (1157) writes today about the Holy Spirit:
"It is the Spirit who bears witness in the hearts and on the lips of the saints that Christ is the truth, the true resurrection, and the life. Thus the apostles who had previously doubted even after seeing his living body, after tasting his lifegiving Spirit with great power gave testimony to his resurrection. So it is much more important to receive Jesus in our hearts than to see him with our eyes or hear him with or ears. The Spirit makes a much deeper impression on the interior man than material things make on the exterior senses. What room is left for doubt when he who bears witness and he who is the object of that witness are the one Spirit? If the Spirit is one there must be a complete understanding, everything fits together."
While I was writing this quote... I am reminded of ST Paul, who never walked with Jesus on this earth yet he is on fire for him out of love as the Spirit knocked him off his horse and blinded him... today in the first reading of Acts... Listen with your hearts to these amazing words from Paul today as he speaks to the Gentiles in Athens... "I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and all that is in it, the Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in sanctuaries made of human hands, nor is he served by human hands because he needs anything. Rather it is he who gives to everyone life and breath and everything. He made from one the whole human race to dwell on the entire surface of the earth, and he fixed the ordered seasons and the boundaries of their regions, so that people might seek God, even perhaps grope for him and find him, though he is indeed not far from any one of us. For 'In him we live and move and have our being' as even some of the poets have said, 'For we too are his offspring.'...through a man, Jesus Christ, he has appointed, he has provided confirmation for all by raising him from the dead."(Acts 17:15,22-18:1)
Oh our Father, Son and Holy Spirit... Holy Trinity... we adore you and praise you for dwelling within us to fire us with your light and love for all those in our lives. We need you to bless all families as they look to you for shepherding and molding us in your image. Be with us each day with all that it holds for us. Jesus we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia! Bless-bless, Barb
I must put a few lines from the Hallel psalm that was included in Morning prayer and filled us with hope and joy... Hallel means joy and praise and is the name that our daughter, Susan, chose as she became a Little Sister in August in France. If you ever want psalms of praise check out Ps 145-150 and the ones around PS 100 are called the "grand Hallels" in French the word grand also means tall and compaired to the small French Little Sisters.. Susan/Little Sister Hallel is very tall.. so it is a note of humor in the community!
Ps 148:1-10
Praise the Lord from the heavens,
praise him in the heights.
Praise him, all his angels,
praise him, all his host.
Praise him, sun and moon,
praise him, shining stars.
Praise him, highest heavens
and the waters above the heavens.
Let them praise the name of the Lord.
He commanded; they were made.
He fixed them for ever,
gave a law which shall not pass away.
Praise the Lord from the earth,
sea creatures and all oceans,
fire and hail, snow and mist,
stormy winds that obey his word;
all mountains and hills,
all fruit trees and cedars,
beasts, wild and tame,
reptiles and birds on the wing!
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