Saturday, November 17, 2018

Living "the dark night of the soul"/"pray always without becoming weary. " Luke 18/St Elizabeth lived 24 years of LOVE!

Out on the porch a few days ago in the beautiful weather... now winter has returned with a white landscape out the window.

I just endured the worst night of this journey with no sleep for hours and hours, moving to numerous places to try to sleep, aching and aching and filled with anxiety, praying and praying with rosary beads hoping that they would work their magic and I would drift off and "pass through the veil" as my father would say, tossing and turning and moaning and crying and praying over and over for relief!  Looking back here in the bright sunlight the fears seem to lift off my shoulders, and it seems that St John of the Cross' "dark night of the soul" seems to take me back to the agony of so much time spent awake and suffering.
The first time I put on a shoe on that foot... one foot at a time!  I have nor mastered putting on both socks and shoes on both feet!  I was sailing along, I thought, but now have some setbacks and am striving to continue to go forward... one step forward and two steps back today.
The landscape today... wintry!  One nice thing is that Ed and Pat have been tilling around the clock even in this are are close to having all the ground tilled... miraculous and will make our Thanksgiving a happier and less stressful one indeed.

Why does the night hold so many demons to fill us with dread and anxiety?  I try to stay positive, but the feelings of worry start to creep in with the long hours of darkness.  I finally fell asleep at 5a and slept til about 10a, so I can now see that all was not lost.  I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that the worst is behind me.  The words from he Psalm for mass today - #112
"Light shines through the darkness for the upright;
he is gracious and merciful and just.
R. Blessed the man who fears the Lord."

That fear we have for the Lord is not the fear that we struggle with in the long night of sleepless darkness... rather it "fills us with a sovereign respect for God, and makes us dread, above all things, to offend Him."  Yes!  We love him with our all and to turn away from him is impossible as he is our LIFE/LOVE/LIGHT!  May that FEAR fill my waking hours and "prayer without becoming weary" from Luke 18/the Gospel today!
Luke on grandma's walker in the sunshine!  I proudly stopped using it the other day, but the therapist pointed out that I was walking like a gimp, which I have been doing for the last year.  I want to have a new lease on not being a gimp, so back to the walker I go to help me have a smooth gait now!  I am so grateful for all the helpful input from those here helping me, and I realize that I am a poor nurse to myself.  I need the help!
Soon this will be a faint memory, and I am so ready for that day.  A week and a half behind me!  

There are fake plans to go to mass in the morning.  Pat will take my walker in the trunk, pull up to the elevator door and we will sit in the back of church.  For time with Jesus in mass... it sounds doable!
Pretty snow to deal with... smart shoes and boots are a must!
Just wait and day and the seasons will change here.  Now I pray that just waiting a day will turn the corner with these hellish nights that goes with replacements and I am told with surgeries.

I think of Ruth and Maria and their numerous C-sections for their babies... then going home with a newborn and dealing with their constant needs and the pain.  So much respect for them facing that over and over as they say "yes" to LIFE and raising LIGHTS!  Jesus, we trust in you.  Bless-bless, Barb
http://familysoulstory.blogspot.com/p/my-most-cherished-cross-patrick-gerard.html

https://www.charlottestories.com/local-charlotte-church-released-christmas-video-thats-going-viral-4-million-views/?fbclid=IwAR2dhfuHoDzWUUxxR7l1qy2-0O5iQnzvOGhDwRcsf5DLlK-2LY_FqBElYBU
So amazing!!!
Image may contain: text that says 'Lord, by Thy cruel death, and by Thy dear mother Mary, deliver these poor souls from their sufferings; Lord, by Thy five sacred wounds save us. St. Elizabeth of Hungary small things'
She lived 24 years of loving and serving the poor, although she was a queen!

St Elizabeth of Hungary, when as a little girl used to play about 
the palace with her companions, would always pick a spot near 
the chapel so that every now and then, without being noticed, 
she might stop by the chapel door, kiss the lock, and say to Jesus,



"My Jesus, I am playing, but I am not forgetting You.
Bless me and my companions. Goodbye."

St Elizabeth of Hungary
Hungary ~ 1207-1231
Wife, mother
Secular Franciscan Order
Feast Day - November 17

Love this!!!  For me in my "dark nights"
My Jesus, I am awake and suffering, but I am not forgetting You.  Bless me with peace and rest.  Bless-bless

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