After a family filled weekend Pat and I found ourselves alone in the house for the first time in a long while... with John back home with us... our empty nest is now filled with another full grown offspring with a uncoordinted wing and foot that are slowly recovering. The ataxia and of course the recooperation from a total rebirth with the stem cell transplant that occured on Jan 27th, along with the cancer journey that started around Father's Day a year ago has caused John to drop out of his life for the last year almost.
A year ago he was wrapping up his sophomore year at the UofM and was looking to a job in South Dakota for the summer checking crops. He got his huge pickup to drive around in and a 4 wheeler that he would unload to go over the fiels checking for weeds and crop growth... In mid June he came home for the weekend and we all took a trip up to the Cities to help his twin cousins celebrate their HS graduation... John was complaining of his vision and proceeded to go into the house and fall on a couch and sleep through the entire affair! I thought that was very tacky, and told him so.
A few days later I had him come home to see the eye doctor that had seen him after a serious eye injury about 7 years before. He had been chasing a boy who had a stick and gotten the stick in his left eye barely missing the optic nerve in the back of his eye. I thought in my mind that being exposed to all the wind and dirt out in the fields that the injury had flared up or worsened. The check up did reveal some worsening or his sight, but not that much different in the back of his eye. We got a new pair of glasses and even some contacts... the eyes got worse by the day and the Saturday night I went to bed thinking... It's behind the eye not in the eye.
With trepidation I climbed the stairs Father's Day morning and asked John if they were worse... Yes was the answer, and I packed him up and went into the ER in Marshall. The night before he had led the singing at mass with his sister, and stumbled walking around behind the altar! I felt foolish sitting listening to people coming in for heart attacks and we were there for double vision and tiredness! WE had the scan and waited! The nurse and doctor came into our room with long and serious faces... "There is something abnormal in his brain...he needs to go to SF for a MRI." We left there numb and in shock... by chance I had read an article in the magazine there in the waiting room about a young girl, who discovered that she had brain cancer from vision changes... it is just a coincidence... it couldn't happen to our 20 year old son!
On our trip to SF - we called our daughters and we got ahold of Susan in France... It was the day that the Gospel was Jesus calming the storm... it was also used in the morning prayer today in the Magnificat and is probably the reason for all of this pouring out of me today...Mark 4:35-41... Susan although shocked like the rest of us pointed out to all of us...."Mom, this is the storm and Jesus is in control." How that helped us to hold on from the very beginning and how I continue to think of that today!
Our time in SF was just a few terrifying yet powerfully prayerful days! WE heard the word tumor for the first time as the surgeon told us of the horrific surgery he wanted to do to get a diagnosis of the "tumor". With the possiblity of death or permanent damage to John we had to take him from there to the Cities to a neurosurgeon that we had heard of and get a second opinion! Yes, we did finally have to go with surgery, but then a second option was given us and it was less invasive and dangerous and hiding in some blood cells that had been removed from the site were the few cancer cells that finally gave us our diagnosis! The Lord did calm the sea and we had to trust in him through some terrifying weeks and months and the ups and downs of the waves tossing us....The disciples said to him in the midst of the storm..."Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" His answer to them after he had rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Quiet! Be Still!" Then he said to them, "Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?"
Jesus, it is good today to remember just a little over a year ago and see how far we have come with you at our side and for the most part carrying us in our weakness and our fear! We want to continue to trust and know that you are in control of all in our lives -"Who then is this whom even the wind and the sea obey?" "From on high he reached down and seized me; he drew me forth from the mighty waters." Ps 18:17 We must trust and be not afraid! Jesus we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia! Bless-bless, Barb
Pictures today are going through my mind and heart of this journey called cancer... I have added a slide show with them as well as on caring bridge site - johnverly... They are powerful images of hope and trust and yes of fear too! Yet the way that it brought our family together was a gift! We faced it as a unified and prayerful force along with thousands of prayer warriors that continue to lift us up! Praise Him! I will add a few from yesterday with Bill and Nancy by my statue behind the lilac bushes of our Lady- many rosaries have been said there. As well as the 4th station of the cross made by my daughter, Maria, after she decided that she was not called to the Poor Clare Monastery... After having a powerful experience discerning spending time at the outside stations of the cross - she returned home and made us some for our grove. With weather - they have darkened and it is hard to read... but the 4th station is so special being the station where Jesus meets his mother, Mary... Looking past we see Mary standing there filled with love and acceptance!
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