Today is a most infamous of anniversaries! A year ago after noticing 3 things that showed me that there was a problem too big with his memory for me to overlook... John and I drove to Mayo for a MRI... His dad was home taking out the crop with his brother, so we were hopeful and prayerful! The army was at the "battle line" with us in prayer! I added parts of the two entries I made that day on our caringbridge site... With this anniversary falling on the feast of ST Leo the Great... look at him as another John Paul the Great... just that he was Pope in 440 instead of 1978! Like John Paul II... he was a true warrior for the Chruch - "He pushed back the onrush of barbarians. He then deservedly won the title "The Great." see http://www.magnificat.com/ 
From the caringbridge site a year ago today...Tuesday, November 10, 2009 9:58 AM, CST
John is in the MRI tube for the next hour, so I am sitting at a computer on the 9th floor where in past weekends we have gotten our chemo...
It was a quite trip with lots of time to meditate and pray my rosary with the 3 extra decades and all! Today being the sorrowful mysteries is especially powerful... and I added an extra crown of Thorns just for John's cancer. Pondering how this is so appropriate with John's situation... The Thorns in the crown brutally cut into Jesus' s head, but that was just on the outside and not at all life threatening! The true agony of the crown of thorns was the total mokery and degradation that he endured as they mocked him... who is God! Inside of that head and heart was where the deep hurt and harm was done, and the suffering was intense beyond anything that most of us could just silently endure... especially knowing that we had the POWER! But if He had used his power to show them that he was truly God at that point... all would have been lost. He would have made a powerful point, but our salvation would not have been won! So deep so amazing this road to the cross... there is no turning back... there can be no turning back no matter how unfair and horrible it is. With all this said... we must continue to pray with hope that we are on the road to recovery... He has taken this all upon himself that we may through the cross claim victory!
That was a whole lot of stuff there... but it was a powerful ride down here, and when I found the Christian music station. Wow! John is a delight to be here with... we enjoy each other and kid each other about this and that. There is such a beautiful simplicity that he has been blessed with from the process we have been through. He had a great visit with good friend and mentor, Fr Craig, last night. He said that he gave him some questions to ask the doctor today... good timing! We are scheduled to meet her about 3p( the time of day that is so powerful in that it was when Christ died... the chaplet said at that time takes on more meaning for those that are facing death or have died), and will take the time to find a computer and give you the latest before we head for home!
Thank you for all the support, and prayers. Now is when the pictures are being taken so continue to pray! Lord... You silently stood in the face to mokery and deep internal hurt... humility for us all to look at and follow in our own lives. We are your servants... show us your way! When you have done all you have been commanded, say, "We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we are obliged to do." Lk 17:10 Now that is true humility! Lord hear my prayer. Amen and Alleluia! The Verlys
How hopeful we were and worried too! St Leo today writes in the meditation of the day addressing the Gospel for today... Luke 17: 11-19... Once again it is the powerful reading of Jesus being asked by the 10 lepers to be healed... He tells them; "Go show yourselves to the priests." How He asked us to do that in our "ill" state with the worst of leprosy in this day and age... cancer! Ruth was saying yesterday that she had "kidded" John about how it would have been nice if he had gotten cancer on his foot or leg or bellybutton... "then we could have cut it off, but you can't do when it is in the middle of your brain!" We clung to our Church and all that it has to offer to us... to be healed and to fight the batlle day after day! Many times we went to the priest... John had frequent annointing of the sick, reconcilliation, and daily Eucharist... he would request it be brought to him daily whenever he was in the hospital! It gave us strength... As ST Leo writes: "Even though the Lord protects warriors and he who is "mighty in battle" encourages his own soldiers, saying "Do not be afraid, because I have overcome the world," still we know, dearly beloved, that even this incentive the fear is lifted, not the struggle."
The battle continues to this day... John is today in the midst of interviewing with a nation wide Seed company for a summer intern job... He interviewed with them the year before all this happened and they told him that they were very impressed with him, but it was a year too soon as they usually hire juniors... Well, he told us yesterday that they are flying in 5 men from across the country to interview also for the one position... we could sense that his confidence was a bit shaken, but as his dad and I spoke about the "new John" and how he is more caring and compassionate and forever changed by this last year and a half... He has so much to share and is open about the journey he has been on and continues to experience with his "new normal." We feel that he could be a huge asset to them, but we are also aware that he is not the John they interviewed 2 years ago... we will keep you posted. We also know that the Lord is in control of John's lives and that the right doors will open! 
There is someone close, who called us in the middle of the night a few nights ago... she couldn't eat and sleep due to a cancer scare with her daughter... We shared with her the powerful experience we had as we called Susan on Father's Day - Sunday June 21st, 2009... we had just taken John into the ER here and gotten his first look in his brain with a CTscan... we were home for a few minutes to head to Sioux Falls to get an MRI, because it came back "abnormal." We called France and miraculously got ahold of Susan/Hallel within a few minutes! As we poured out our "fears" to her... she was so calm and wise in what she told us, and we shared this with our friend the other night... "Mom and Dad, did you read the Gospel at mass today? It is about Jesus in the storm...'They woke him up and said to him,'Teacher do you not care that we are perishing?' He woke up, rebuked the wind and said to the sea, 'Quiet! Be still!' The wind ceased, and there was great calm. Then he asked them, 'Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?" ( she didn't quote it to us,but we had all read it and it was so powerful to go back to and read over and over in the last year and a half!) Then she said to us; "This is the storm and Jesus is in control." How this took such a burdon off of our shoulders! It did calm the raging storm around us!
It is time to add the entry that I wrote later in that day... after we had seen the doctor and gotten the results... talk about the storm returning with a vengence.. Pat will always remember that we caught him as he was about to jump into a truck filled with corn to haul it away from the field they were combining... it was a bit later last year. "I started praying so hard and asking the Lord to spare my precious son." Load after load found Pat deep in a pleading prayer... much like the disciples in the boat and the lepers standing at a safe distance from their healer, Jesus Christ!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:31 PM, CST
I can barely find the strength to write you.... it is so much worse than I could ever allow myself to even think it could be! The tumor has grown tremendously in the last two weeks... where before there was a tiny spot there is now a large area on the one side of the brain and some involvement in the middle of the brain! They want to start all brain radiation in the next few days which will be every day! This had been ruled out by John early on as it could cause brain damage... when I said; "NO!" ... John looked at me and said; "Mom, I want to live!"
How can this be happening? I want to wake up from this bad dream now! We are devastated! We are heading up to the Cities for the night as we meet with the radiation doctor in the AM and Pat will be here for that. Hold us up... we are destroyed at this point, and I am a puddle on the floor! Jesus... we need you. ... we have hit bottom! John and Barb from Rochester
I can sense the waves washing not only over the boat, but me and our family when I read this!
I would like to return to the wisdom that St Leo the Great shared with us today: "The Christian battle line, when the Spirit of Truth draws up his own soldiers, has powerful defenses and invincible arms for destroying these and all others, as long as gentleness abolishes anger, generosity abolishes greed, and kindness abolishes envy. When the "right hand of the Most High changes" many hearts, and the old human being is made new, and from servants to wickedness those hearts become ministers of justice. Restraint has subdued luxury, humility has cast out arrogance, and those soiled in shame now shine in purity." We were forever changed and continue to be as a result of this amazing yet hard as it gets experience we have faced with our army around us! The fear was taken away once again this day a year ago! We were uplilfted by the onrushing support of family and friends and our prayer warriors! Being in touch with Susan, who was now in Kansas City, and would soon return to support her family and most of all her beloved brother, John! I really always knew that Susan/Hallel loved her brother with an extraordinary love, but reading her spiritual journal that she wrote 3 years before while studying in Rome and discrening a vocation... I have come face to face in her writings just to what extent she "raised John"... Pat reminded me yesterday of how we have a famous family story of how Susan in her protection and concern for her little precious brother is responsible for saving his life! 
One day when John was about 2 and just starting to walk... we were all standing out in the middle of our yard... a large gravel area or big driveway in the midst of the barns all around us... We were talking together, and suddenly little 5 year old Susan reminded us to look for John by saying; "Where is John?" We looked around and to our horror saw that he was walking into a building where his dad had just started up the tractor, and was backing out! We rushed over there to motion to Pat, and to scoop up John before her was run over by the tractor! This is something that was always the case with her and her brother 3 1/2 years younger than her... there were 2 losses in between them, and I am not sure if that contributed to her deep compassionate caring for her brother... always aware of where he was and what he was doing. I can see in reading this "spiritual journal" that this carried over to their relationship in the older times... I can only imagine how she ached to be with him every step of the way with his cancer battle, and I have no doubt that he was a constant in her prayer life... which is her life! She did return the week of Thanksgiving and drove her brother to radiation for that week! Still caring for him!
It continues to be obvious to me that he continues to be held up in prayer by his loving sisters, and the prayer warriors continue to let us know that they "pray for him every day." And I in turn pray for them each day as I lift up the "crown of thorns mystery"... those 10 hail Marys are devoted to them and their needs and fears and worries... we all have them! 
The crucifix we were ministered to in the chapel in St Joseph's ...the vision that St Peregrine had of Jesus reaching down from his agony on the cross to heal him of cancer! Praise Him! How we are blessed with all the wonder of our Church that ministered to us and calmed our fears in the midst of the storm! I am thinking that I will make this sharing a bit longer today, by adding the entry of the next day,when we as a united force went with John to talk to the doctors in Rochester about his future! I appologize if this is getting too lengthy!
We just got done meeting with the doctors... that includes John, Pat, his sisters Ruth, Nancy and Maria! Praise the Lord it worked out for all of us to be here and hear both the hard and encouraging! We struggled last evening... midnight adoration at the peretual adoration chapel not far from the girls' house. A talk with my sister, who reminded me that the "miracle" is still on the horizon. Mass this morning with an amazing reminder from the little African priest... "Thank God for everything... because there is always someone worse off." Then shared morning prayer and rosary with 3 of my children on the way to Rochester! All helping me... then to finally get to see all of the outpouring of support! Thank you!
I asked John what he wanted me to share... "The facts!" They plan to start 5-6 weeks of radiation on Monday here in Rochester. We will probably stay for the most part with his sisters in St Paul... as the actual radiation only is about half an hour a day. There is a 5-10% chance that he will get some damage to his brain from the radiation... this should show up in a year or more, but once again with his young brain they feel it should not be a problem. They say John will lose his hair and otherwise might notice that he gets gradually more tired. They are doing this rather than try another new chemo because they need to "stop it in it's tracks now!"
This subtle memory loss that I noticed is a big warning sign and the area involved is a very important and dangerous one... so there is no messing around at this point. He was started on steroids as soon as we walked out of seeing the doctor yesterday, and will be taking them 4 times a day during all of this. Just the steroids made it shrink way back at the beginning, sssssssoooooooo
We hear over and over how rare John is, so there really aren't any statistics to look at. But there is a ray of hope out there... A young man, who was 19 yo and had a regrowth like John of the same disease. They went the radiation route next and now he is coming back tomorrow for a yearly check up 20 years later! That is something we can hang our hats on... that Pat is so much looking for and the rest of us too!
They continue to say that after the radiation shrinks it to nothing that we will do the stem cell transplant. But one lesson we are learning is to take it one day at a time and nothing seems to work out the way we think it will. Dr Brian O'Neil... the one who sent the original email that got us to Rochester... told a room full of family today that he still calls the steps we are taking with John "curative", and not merely control. WE hold onto that with all our might, but also are reminded that we need to turn more completely to the miraculous part.... rely on our faith not so much on the doctors.... I had kind of gotten wrapped up in the medical alone and that was so good to be reminded of.
I am filled with emotion at this point... It is already hard to remember just the extent of last year and all the time away and all the trust we put in the wisdom of the doctors... but most of all the faith and family that got us through it and not only through it but HEALED!
This has been extensive and long,but I am filled with so much... I maybe have finally run out of steam, but I will carry this memory deep within me and from it come to where we are today! A long way in the future and still trusting and hopeful and praying at all times! I have the magnificat from June of 2009 and reading the psalm from that infamous Father's Day 2009... Psalm 107
"They who sailed the sea in ships.
trading on the deep waters,
These saw the works of the LORD
and his wonders in the abyss. Halleluia.
His command raised up a storm wind
which tossed its waves on high.
They mounted up to heaven; they sank to the depths;
their hearts melted away in their plight. Halleluia.
They cried to the Lord in their distress;
from their straits he rescued them,
he hushed the storm to a gentle breeze,
and the billows of the sea were stilled. Halleluia.
They rejoiced that they were calmed,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his kindness
and his wondrous deeds to the children of men. Halleluia."
Lord, what power and might we see all around us! The wind that blows so strongly down here on the prairie reminds us of your might! Our terror is calmed by the knowledge of your greatness and burning love for us! We see that concern reflected back to us from all those in our families and friends and Church including you, your wonderful Mother, all the saints and angels... we are surrounded by LOVE! We are healed and come back to you and fall at your feet in worship and praise! You say these words to us;"Stand up and go; your faith has saved you." Yes, Lord, we are so blessed to have our Faith and Hope and Trust! Jesus, we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia!
Bless-bless, Barb"O Wisdom of God, you are the light by which we see: - shine on the paths we are to walk today. Let your Spirit come to us." Morning prayer petition
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