Rising early... I realized that I could make mass easily and following would be the gift of adoration! Pat and I even had some sleepy time to share morning prayer before... So listening to the readings I realized that they used another option for today other than what was in the Magnificat... and they were amazing! The first reading was from Romans and speaks of us all being part of the One Body! Paul breaks it down in an interesting fashion:
"If our gift is to speak God's message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve , we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so....Serve the Lord with a heart full of devotion. Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient with your troubles , and pray at all times." Romans 12 3-13 I have felt often that there are some things that I am better at than others, and that the Lord would use me in those ways. Although I am asked to do those things that I am not so comfortable with too! Not that this is bad or anything, but it is sad that more do not step forward and fill in those many gaps in the needs of the Church in a better fashion than poor old me! And I am not the servant that many are, but it seems that the same ones get used up over and over!
The Gospel was the amazing reading from John 10 about the Good Shepherd! "I am the Good Shepherd, who is willing to die for the sheep."
As I was sitting there in front of Jesus.. I started to think about sheep and them going into battle - Fighting Sheep?!? No, that isn't right... sheep go to slaughter! And then the idea of the Lamb of God came to mind and how He was the supreme sacrifice for us, so that we might have life and have it more abundantly! But we as His sheep are called to sacrifice our selves and to use those talents we are given by Him to serve the rest of the Body... even the big toe has an important job for balancing the body!
As I sat in the presence of the Lamb of God... I was saying my rosary and suddenly some disturbing thoughts started to bother me... some of those bad images that we allow to enter us at weak or unsuspecting times... It seems that they are never gone, but always there to replay for us at times throughout our lives! There was one movie that I found on TV a while back that was especially chilling with so much horrible stuff! I so see why these cloistered religious protect themselves from anything that could distract them from HIM! Even Susan does not have internet or TV or even newspapers... all the influences are everywhere we turn!
As I looked towards the monstrance... a red gem on the top of shone with a red glow! At first I thought that it was there to remind me of the "red light" nature of my thoughts, but then it came to me that all these things in this world that pull us into the dark places are made clean by being washed in the blood of the Lamb! I tried to snap a picture of it using no flash... so it is a bit wavey, but you can see at the top a glowing red gem stone, and for the rest of my prayers it reminded me that we can wash our sins as well as our disturbing and sinful thougths with the Blood of the Lamb!
These thoughts led me into the horror of the sacrifice that our Lord God in the form of a 33 year old man had to face! The worst death that one could imagine... it rivals any of those horror deaths that we are exposed to! I remember being on the committee for getting the crucifix for our church a few years back. There was a discussion as to whether there would be blood coming from his wounds and we all felt that we wanted that! We wanted the visual memory of how he suffered and paid the supreme sacrifice for us! This crucifix is the one in the Mother house of Bleessed Teresa's order... along with the words of Christ from the cross - "I thirst." This is there "reminding each sister of her 4th vow to satiate Christ's thirst for souls through 'wholehearted and free service to the poorest of the poor.'"
Once again as I prayed the litany of my family and Pat's... I found such power and comfort looking at Him and also the glowing red gem - "Washed in the Blood of the Lamb!"
In following the thought of "I thirst".... I would like to share some amazing lyrics to a song written by Danielle Rose in front of the Blessed Sacrament... John 19:28 - from the perspective of Christ on the cross.
"I thirst not for water,
I thirst for belief,
I thirst for your gaze to wash over me.
I'm lonely and broken,
I'm weary, forsaken-
Why have you abandoned me?
I thirst for your hunger,
I thirst for your love,
I thirst for your body to drink of my Blood.
I thirst for repentence.
I thirst for belief,
I thirst for you
To come....
Let me drink of your tears,
The tears of your soul.
Nothing else brings relief until you know
I am crying from the cross,
I will not come down-
I'll do it over again so that you could be found in me.
Be my light to the poor.
Come and carry me - I cannot go alone.
They don't know me, they don't want me -
Will you go?
How I long to enter and grant salvation
To their souls...
All who labor and are burdened, come to me.
Drink the living water flowing, come to me.
Come." I Thirst by Danielle Rose from her I Thrist CD
Another prayer that the Missionaries of charity pray every week is the Litany of Humility... As hard as it is to hope and pray for... I would like to share a stanza here:
"That others be loved more than I,
Others esteemed more than I,
Others increase and I decrease in the world's eyes,
That others be chosen and I set aside,
Others praised and I unnoticed,
Others be preferred in everything,
That others become holier than I
Provided that I become as holy as I should -
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.
Meek and humble of heart, Jesus.
Meek and humble of heart,hear us.
Meek and humble of heart, Jesus."
In my early years as a Catholic... I had a great love for things around me that were of nature or of the nature of things that spoke to me of the calling I was considering to be a nun! I lived behind the cloister for a month with the sisters of the Cenacle in Wayzatta... the first sisters I had ever met and in large part their prayers were responsible for our family - all 13 of us - becoming Catholic! I loved that month and the daily mass in their light filled January chapel is still burned on my memory... one of those memories that far outweighs the bad and dark things that can come over me at times! I found this artwork of sorts that I had painted of probably my inmost being - that sacred place where I was so close to my Lord in receiving His Body and Blood daily along with the other sacarments as a new and enthralled Catholic! I really have not lost that feeling of awe and wonder, but the Lord did call me to marriage instead of religious life! I still am allowed to enter that "spouce place" with my Lord at times where I am alone with him inside of my spirit! Beside this simple artwork... I was surprised to read a quote from The Story of a Soul by St Therese of the little Flower! It means that probably that too was one of the books I devoured in my nun years! The book that had led my daughter,Maria, into a cloistered convent for 5 months as she considered religious life... had filled my early days with the knowledge of how Christ hearts burns for us out of love! Not just sisters that are his brides...but all of us!
A painting at the Discernment House and now a symbol for the new order in our Diocese - The Handmaids of the Merciful Heart of Jesus!
From amazing St Therese:
"O my divine Master, must it be only your justice which has it's victims? Hasn't your merciful love need of them too? Is it everywhere ignored and rejected? Those on whom you long to lavish it seek a wretched, fleeting happiness in other creatures instead of flinging themselves into your arms and welcoming the flames of Your Divine Love. Must your rejected love stay shut up in your Heart? It seems to me that if you found souls offering themselves as sacrificial victims of your Love You would comsume them speedily and would rejoice to unloose those torrents of infinite tenderness You hold within Yourself."
There the place where we are sheep set for slaughter... we become "sacrificial victims of Christ's LOVE!" I like that idea a whole lot and it makes me want to be a sheep not to fight but to be slaughtered! To be purified by the fire of His Heart burning with Love for us! Washed in the Blood of the Lamb... all those things that cling to our hearts and minds are washed clean and we can turn them out of us when they start to come back! Be gone in the name of Christ... the sacrificial Lamb that shed His Blood for me to be released from the bondage of evil and darkness!
Four of these women have now answered the call to be his brides! Praise Him!
There is so much today! As I was finding the scriptures to share with you today... this fell out of my Bible... it is a booklet put out by the Community of the Lamb in 2006 when they came on Mission the the US for the first time! It was July in Kansas City and very HOT! Susan went to join them and do the "hardest thing I have ever done in my life! But it gives me such joy!" Begging from door to door in a country new and foreign to them... this is one of the stories or "little echoes" that they shared in this precious booklet that I have copied and shared over and over... It allows you to see the way that they are "Christ knocking on the door of the poor."
Their Place
Without a moment's hesitation they received us into their place. "Their place" was a piece of wasteland strewn with garbage, a few boxes, and an old mattress on which a young black woman was laying sound asleep.
Juan,the oldest among them, an old Mexican fisherman with a heavily lined face, said, "I can see that you're with God, and that you're also with us! Thank you." Then he made room for us,and very politely invited us to sit down in the shade.
Leslie, a frail young blonde woman, told us that she had been baptised two years before. "I was washed in the blood of the lamb - all my sins were washed clean! But now," she went on. "I've gone back to my old ways. I'm a prostitute and a drunk." She began to cry. "But ever since I was baptised I feel that God is with me. I've kept in touch with Him. Today you've brought Him here with you!"
Monica, a little older added: "God is here. He is everywhere. Always. But we often forget that."
We asked them if we could sing our mid-day Office in their place,here in the shade. They accepted joyfully, punctuating the prayer with applause.
"Hear the voice of my prayer
When I cry towards You,
When I lift up my hands
Towards your Holy Temple..."
Juan raised his hands towards the sky while we were singing the anthem, and cried, "It's beautiful! It's beautiful!" while Monica punctuated each line of Psalm 119("Your law is the truth... Look on my misery, deliver me, for I have not forgotten Your Law") with cries of "Yeah! Yeah! Right on!"
Ed,who just a few minutes before had been worried about us - "Your not too hot?"- got up during the prayer and went off. A few minutes later he came back with 3 bottles of cold water he had just bought for us.
When it was time to leave we looked through our Bibles to find some holy cards we could give to each of them. There was not enough to give one to Ed. Timidly a Little Sister offered him a green plasic rosary. Deeply honored, he replied, "If you give me that I'll wear it always!"
Then he tried to put it over his head, but the rosary was too small. Monica got up and, gently and patiently , she managed little by little to get it over his ears and then over his nose. It was funny and touching. WE all laughed at Ed's good humor as he responded to this treatment like a happy child. From now on he would always wear the rosary!
Deeply moved, we left them.
The young woman lying on the mattress had apparently heard nothing of what happened. But when we walked past her she stood up and made the sign of the cross."
I have shared this while working retreats and feel that now you can be there with the little brothers and sisters when they go on Mission! I will share more of the stories in the future, but for today I must be onto the labors of the day!
Today... I am praying especially for these 4 young women... the Lord has put them on my heart... Susan/little sister Hallel is a Little Sister of the Lamb and the other 3 are now forming a new community in our diocese - the Handmaids! That is so exciting for us in the New Ulm Diocese and the Bishop shared that now he feels that he has been blessed with daughters! Now that is sweet and special to think about!
Jesus, thank you for the call you put in young men and women's heart for you! Allow them to have the support and openess in prayer to hear you and to answer with a resounding yes! How rich and amazing is the life you have called each of us to! Yes, we are imperfect and evil influences have entered us in many ways...but we cling to your saving grace - the Blood of the Lamb! Jesus,we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia!
Bless-bless, Barb
"Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep!" Luke 15
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