John came home from Rochester after having a brain biopsy, discovering that he had Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma, and having his first chemo, also with ataxia on the left side of his body due to passing through the cerebellum to get to the area of his brain and get some cells for the diagnosis... we drove the 4 hours home on our 31st anniversary - August 3, 2009. The ride was terrifying for us... we were so worried that we were making a terrible mistake to bring our son home - unable to walk and do his own cares - totally dependent on his dad and I! His face seemed to be forced into a permanent frown due to the battle we had fought and what loomed ahead of us in the battle against the most feared and hated enemy - Cancer! WE discussed depression as he seemed to only want to sleep curled up in a fetal position on our bed, and then only come out with much coaxing and begging and us to help him walk. He slowly gained some independence with a platform walker that therapy brought out for him to use. One night unable to get ahold of us to help him to the bathroom... he made it by himself for the first time! It was the night before we suddenly decided to try to go to France for his sister, Susan's first step in joining the Community of the Lamb! 
It was very worth going to France to see that beaming smile on John's face once again. The healing had begun in a huge way as we encountered the amazing men and women that have given their lives for Jesus. The conditions were challanging for John to manuever with his walker and there was a wheelchair provided that we took advantage of for going up or down the steep hills of Saint- Pierre.
John and I were totally amazed that we found ourselves in France, to share with Susan as she took the habit of the community, and changed her name to Little Sister Hallel on August 21, 2009 - the vigil of the feast of the Queenship of Mary! For the first few days we had to pinch ourselves to realize that we were here after all!
We had decided that there was no way that we could make this trip that we had planned on making for a year ahead... we all had our tickets, but had asked the airlines to reimburse us... as it was impossible for us to go due to the sudden discovery of John's brain cancer after he experienced double vision for a couple weeks! Within 24 hours - we decided that there was a chance for us to still go, and we were in a state of shock! Later in the week...we found ourselves going to Llourdes!
Slowly John walked down the path to the healing waters of Llourdes - where Our Lady appeared to St Bernedette in Feb of 1858, and where she was told to dig in the mud... a stream came bubbling up that continues to this day of the miraculous waters! There have been hundreds of healings and John with the help of Fr Craig went into the "baths" and asked them to pour water over his head -"That is where I want the healing."
The water is wonderful to drink and we are encouraged to drink it and to fill your bottles of the miraculuos waters! John discovers that with the help of his sisters to hold him up on his weak and dysfunctional side... that he can walk much faster and almost normally! 
Just from the baths with his wet hair and huge smiling face. We were in line for our baths - the women's line was much longer and we all went in for the intention John's healing! 
John with Hallel and Nancy under each arm - the look of Christ on the cross from behind... "Take up your cross and follow me."
The smile of delight at the many graces that are being showered upon us! As a family united with our new and large and wonderful family of the Community of the Lamb - and with Our Lady in such a powerful way looking down upon us and filling us with hope and trust in healing and that our Lord is in control and nothing is impossible! Just look... how amazing He is... we are in France!
"My yoke is easy and my burden is light." His sisters are there for him and in this very real and physical way they are helping him along the path of healing on all levels... physical, emotional and spiritual! 
The look of Healing, and Love, and Hope, and Trust, and new found understanding that he is now and always in the Lord's hands! Today is the one year anniversary of John starting his chemo... that totally wiped out the last cells of cancer that were hiding anywhere in his brain or body - the bomb was being dropped, wiping out his entire immune system, and then in 6 days - January 27th, 2010 - the "seeds" were planted once again - the stem cell transplant and the rebirth of John - healed and cancer free! Jesus, we trust in you!
Jesus, we are forever changed and know that beyond a doubt that all is possible with you! May this taking a step back, and remembering the transformation that we were able to live out in John and all those following us in prayer.... we Trust and know that we are not to fear but to look to you for all that gives us healing and life! Jesus, we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia!
Proof positive that a smile is in fact an upside down frown - thank you, Nancy, for demonstrating for us - but we know tonight you are smiling ear to ear after seeing the smiling face of your baby in your womb today on ultrasound! Well, it had it's tongue out anyways and that made us all smile - thank you Lord for our healthy little grandchild safe in Nancy's womb! Bless-bless, Barb
O Jesus and Mary, let my entire consolation in this world be to love you and to suffer for sinners.
O Jesus, I would rather die a thousand deaths than be unfaithful to you!
I must die to myself continually and accept trials without complaining. I work, I suffer and I love with no other witness than his heart. Anyone who is not prepared to suffer all for the Beloved and to do his will in all things is not worthy of the sweet name of Friend, for here below, Love without suffering does not exist.
I shall spend every moment loving. One who loves does not notice her trials; or perhaps more accurately, she is able to love them.
O my Mother, to you I sacrifice all other attachments so that my heart may belong entirely to you and to my Jesus.
I shall do everything for Heaven, my true home. There I shall find my Mother in all the splendor of her glory. I shall delight with her in the joy of Jesus himself in perfect safety.
From this moment on, anything concerning me is no longer of any interest to me. I must belong entirely to God and God alone. Never to myself.
Quotes by St Bernedette
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