Mary is laying in the "peaceful place" but it isn't working out for her... Her brothers have accidentally run into her, in the midst of the lines of clothes on the line, and disrupted her "puppet show" - hurting her feelings with along with a little bit of pain to the back. She thought that she found a place to recover, but now she knows that it has turned into a game, and they are planning to run and jump upon their sister from the distant tree! Mary doesn't move, but just cries out that she should be left alone. The boys start to run, laughing as they come, Mary cries and says "no", Grandma has to intervene and tell them to stop before they go charging into Mary... surprisingly they do! Simon, now 7 and in first grade, must have played freeze tag or something, because as soon as grandma says "Stop!" - he freezes in the exact spot! His younger brother, 3 1/2 year old David, follows the lead of his older brother, and for the most part I am able to prevent Mary from getting tromped on!
For some it is a game, but for others it is dealing with hurt and wanting to be left - don't touch me! I am reminded that when I am feeling sick or hurting... in labor giving birth comes to mind... I just want to be left alone, and if Pat would try to rub my back or something... I would just want to scream at him to just not touch me and leave me alone! Why is that? We are miserable and the pain is so bad, but those that are sitting with us and not experiencing this are trying to show us that they care... it is like a fly sitting on your arm - annoying and taking the energy you are giving to getting through this labor pain... I really don't understand what why I felt that way, but there was no doubt about the feeling that I did not want to be touched at that time! Nancy shared with us lately that she is so sick with morning sickness that she is vomiting throughout the day. She has had a weak stomach her entire life, so this is not really surprising to us. But she was describing the wonderful birthday supper that her husband had made for her,and that it tasted so wonderful and she loved it, but shortly after dinner she found herself in the bathroom losing it with Bill there rubbing her back in support and caring. "I suffered more that he was there with me! I just wanted to be alone!" When we are in these states of lowness and pain - we just want to be untouched, and left alone! This is all circling around Jesus, and what he faced in these next days! He was watched by the crowd as he walked the way of the Cross, and there was a crowd surrounding the Cross watching him be crucified and die! There were those there that loved him and cared, but for the most part there were all these around him hurling insults and hurting him! He certainly was not left to fight through the pain alone - concentrating on the spot on the wall - what we were told to do in childbirth, and then do some breathing techniques to get through the pain. He had to push up on his feet with nails through them in order to get each breath! And these examples from my life and that of my daughter are times when we are "poor" in hard and humbling places. Others cannot really join us there... when they observe us at these times it causes us to feel worse, and we are made more low by them seeing us vomiting or screaming in pain! They are messy times, and times that we are humbled in our state of helplessness! Yet, I think of those times with John for that year that we fought the enemy- cancer! He so appreciates that I was with him through thick and thin. That I did for him those painfully humiliating things that we needed to do as we took each day as it came to us! Yet, thank God, he did not face terrible pain or the vomiting that many have with some kinds of chemo! There were blessings in that year that we really didn't appreciate! And for John, when he was unable to walk alone after his brain biopsy - he literally leaned on- walked with the help of his family! 
This picture has always struck me as Jesus on the cross!!!! John was crucified on the cross of cancer, but the resurrection of healing came after, and he is born anew! In order to truly realize though what Jesus endured - I need to think of what those labor pains would have been like if my husband was there ridiculing me and hitting me and calling me terrible names! I think that would have been much worse! I know that it would have made the pain totally unbearable and I would have thought "why am I having this baby and bringing it into this hateful world?" Instead I was overjoyed when the pain was behind me and the baby was cradled in his or hers father's arms! I could look at LIFE as the beautiful gift that it is! Christ was treated with hatred and hurt with "buffets and spitting!" How much worse the pain and the suffering that he endured for me - the spotless Lamb led to the slaughter!
Hallel helping her brother carry his Cross! I just googled Mother Angelica's stations of the Cross and found her doing them on Utube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7husK27cRco The station that is coming so much to me today was her meditation of Veronica wiping the face of Jesus
The Sixth Station:
Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus
"My Jesus, where were all the hundreds of peoples whose bodies and souls were healed by you? Where were they when You needed someone to give You the least sign of comfort? Ingratitude must have borne down upon Your heart and made the cross nearly impossible to carry. There are times I too feel all my efforts for Your Kingdom are futile and end in nothingness. Did your eyes roam through the crowd for the comfort of just one individual - one sign of pity - one sign of grief?
My heart thrills with a sad joy when I think of one woman, breaking away from fear and human respect and offeringYou her thin veil to wipe Your bleeding Face. Your loving heart, ever watching for the least sign of love, imprinted the Image of your torn Face upon it! How can You forget Yourself so completely and reward such a small act of kindness?
I must admit, I have been among those who were afraid to know You rather than like Veronica. She did not care if the whole world knew she loved You. Heartbroken Jesus, give me that quality of the soul so necessary to witness to spread Your Word - to tell all people of Your love for them. Send many into Your Vineyard so the people of all nations may receive the Good News. Imprint Your Divine Image upon my soul and let the thin veil of my human nature bear a perfect resemblance to your loving Spirit. Amen" Mother Angelica
Maybe it is the fact that we knew we were loved in the midst of our suffering... that is what made our suffering bearable even though we did not want to be touched physically or watched as we suffered! For Jesus, who had done nothing sinful in his entire life, he had to bear our sins and suffer such pain with his flesh torn off his back by the whip and then placing the weight of the cross upon that brutally torn flesh, and then to face the hitting, swearing, and spitting... The worst!
Yes, Lord, there are so many times when we are suffering and want to be untouched by human hands or eyes, yet we know not the true total suffering you endured not only the physical and mental pain and anguish, but then the hatred of those watching you from a distance! You hear our cry when we are poor and lowly and suffering! We are not alone as we have our loved ones there with us supporting us and helping us to carry our cross, and we also have the spiritual army of all the angels and saints at the side of You our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ as well as your Mother, Mary the Mother of God! We are lifted up! We are humble and cry out to YOU! Jesus, may we follow after you carrying our Cross - the Tree of LIFE! Jesus, we trust in you. Amen and Halleluia
Bless-bless, Barb
The Seventh Station:
Jesus Falls A Second Time
"My Jesus, one of the beautiful qualities the people admired in You was Your strength in time of ridicule - Your ability to rise above the occasion. But now, You fall a second time - apparently conquered by the pain of the Cross. People who judged You by appearances made a terrible mistake. What looked like weakness was unparalleled strength!
I often judge by appearances and how wrong I am most of the time. The world judges entirely by this fraudulent method of discerning. It looks down upon those who apparently have given their best and are now in need. It judges the poor as failures, the sick as useless and the aged as a burden. How wrong that kind of judgment is in the light of your second fall! Your greatest moment wasYour weakest one. Your greatest triumph was in failure. Your greatest act of love was in desolation. Your greatest show of power was in that utter lack of strength that threw You to the ground.
Weak and powerful Jesus, give me the grace to see beyond what is visible and be more aware of Your Wisdom in the midst of weakness. Give the aged, sick, handicapped, retarded, deaf and blind the fruit of joy so they may ever be aware of the Father's gift and the vast difference between what the world sees and what the Father sees that they may glory in their weakness so the power of God may be manifest.
Amen " - Mother Angelica
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