"Abandon the small shell of self..."

"Abandon the small shell of self, for the wideness of your mercy."  Petition of morning prayer... see http://www.magnificat.com/

I thought that was an amazing visual of us when we get all closed within ourselves... thinking that we are either so good and have it all figured out, or on the other hand are so miserable and down on ourselves in a deep place of depression.  The one part of the latter is that hopefully from that place of desperation... we cry out to our Lord, or humbly approach Him in our sad and humble state of knowing our weakness and sin!  It is possible to see here that if you are full of yourself... that you will not tend to look for God in your life!  When all is going along marvelously.. why do we feel like we want to take the time for God?

In a very close encounter with God.. brought on by our 21 year old son's brain cancer... we see that being in a place where all is totally taken out of our hands in a very drastic way... we can only turn to Him and hold on to Him in the midst of the "Storm!"  Yes, there was major suffering involved for us to watch sitting helplessly by as he went through all that the medical field could throw at him!  Some of it was painful and had bad side effects, but for the most part he was called a "Rock Star" everywhere he went and whatever he was called to go through.  Partially was his attitude of trust and prayer... so much a result of the prayers and support he knew he had from so many!  And partially was the answers to those prayers we are so sure of that!  And of course the fact that he was a healthy 20 year old young man in every other way... made it that much easier for him to get through!  We suffered on many levels and also felt the Lord's hand very much upon us as a result!

I would like to share something pretty strong about suffering...

"The mystery of love is that it changes nothing in the world, which continues to exhibit the same abominations and sufferings; yet it has the power to suffuse these things with an invisible and supernatural light.  When love reigns, suffering is invested with new meaning, and is relieved and slowly transformed into a joy of another order."  Louis Lavelle (1951) was a prominant Christian philosopher

Our suffering had turned into an unexepcted joy of bringing our family together to get reacquainted in a deep and powerful way of living at John's bedside, as we faced the horrific thought of surgery to discover the tumor in John's brain!  We all realized on a deep level how much we all love and honor and cherish each other!  That has continued as we all took 4 carloads to Kansas City here at the end of June to say goodbye to Hallel before she headed off to France for the second time, and probably a long time! 

We were probably more than they wanted to handle... four carloads of Verlys coming at different days to say goodbye to Hallel,but when I aksed Little Sister Benedict to maybe send Hallel our way... "It would be just easier all the way around."  She reminded me that we are their family too, and that they wanted to share our lives with all of us! 

I am always so impressed by how wise Benedict always is... It was amazing for all of us to come there... many had not seen their place in the heart of our country... a poor neighborhood in Kansas City, Kansas!  A rectory of the old Belgian Catholic Church is where they have made a chapel in the order of all of the chapels you find at all of their locations across the world! Whether in France or Chili or Poland... they all are modeled the same!  It is much like the feeling of home you have attending mass in whatever country you find yourself throughout the world!  The mass can be followed and is the same where ever you go!  The Universal Church...the same readings in every Catholic Church from the small village in Africa to our church in Marshall , Mn!  There is a feeling of "home" whereever the community finds itself!  Can you imagine how that helped these 6 little sisters from over the ocean to feel at home to have a chapel built in this old run down rectory in the middle of America...a place very new foreign and probably scarey to them?  A lot! 

Susan/Hallel heard her call loud and clear while in KC helping them build this chapel in late June of 2008!  She had gone there to help the newly arrived Community to work on making this their temporary home... they are fundraising to build a little monastery on this land in the midst of the poor and forgotten!  She told us in front of the icon of our Lady that she was going to enter the community and much like when she was 10 years old and coming home from the Schoenstatt camp and told me that she thought that she was going to be a sister... It was a profound deeply touching moment and her mother cried for the joy and the power of it all! 

I am missing her a lot lately and getting a letter off to her will sometimes get me thinking about not having her here to share with the family!  But it was wonderful to have all of us get a chance to be there for a few days and witness their lives of prayer and representing Christ to the poor in their midst!  All of us got to be there and for Nancy's husband Bill, as well as my other two son in laws and Maria had never gotten there yet either... then the young neices and nephews all now have memories of their times there with no TV or movies... they take part in the day to day activities of prayer and work!  And they liked it! 

Little 4 year old Mary.. knows that Our Lady of Guadalupe is her namesake, and was especially drawn there while in KC... Hallel took care of the candles and the caring for the chapel, so Mary liked to help her... just as she stood next to Hallel and the others in her blue apron when they did the dishes!

Here she is helping water flowers at sunset... she liked helping out, and she did a good job!  It was so good for the kids to get to spend some time with their auntie Sue - Hallel, and to be exposed to the wonder and beauty of a calling like hers!  Thank you Lord!

With the beautiful icon of Our Lady in view in KC.. I would like to share a story that I read last night before going to bed in an article titled... There's Something about Mary... The Blessed Mother at work in countless lives...

It is the story of a young man, who decided to be a doctor..."My parents dediated us kids to the Blessed Mother at a very  young age.  We prayed the Rosary daily and read the lives of the saints."  I guess without knowing it...I dedicated my kids to the Blessed Mother too!  He speaks of how he got sucked into being a "cultural Catholic" where if he missed mass on Sunday - he felt that the Lord would understand.  Then he fell into the idea that there would be a change in the Church... in their moral stand on life.  (This really blows my mind... how people could think that the Church would ever waver from the Truth about life being sacred!)  "During my studies, I believed contraception and IUDs were perfectly fine.  Abortion and sterilization were just part of being a modern medical doctor."  The summer after medical school he made a trip to Mexico City and visited the Bascilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe.... He said that he heard a female voice distincly ask, "Why are you hurting me?"  That voice would tug at him for more than 2 years!  He ended up going to Medjugorje and totally had a change of heart... he left behind the contraception- abortion- sterilization mentality

"Today, his work is dedicated to Our Lady.  In 1994, he and his wife started the Tepeyac Family Center in the basement of their home in Fairfax,Va.  Named after the hill outside Mexico City where Our Lady of Guadalupe appeared to Juan Diego in 1531, the center has more than 6,000 patients.

He notes humbly that at the core of his medical practice are the two hearts of Jesus and Mary: 'To sum up Tepeyac... it is to practice medicine for Jesus through Mary.'"  See what will happen if we dedicate our children to Mary at a young age?  Maybe they have to make kind of a crazy bumpy journey, but she takes her mothering seriously and brings them to her Son!  Praise Him!

That article was in the National Catholic Register, the October issue devoted to Mary in her month!

Life is so wonderful when we break out of that "small shell of self!"  The world tells us that we need certain "things" and social and buiness positions to be happy in life, but there is so much more and going out of that limited vision is freeing and wonderful!   The sad notion and lie that Satan has got the world believing that we need to just have the two kids so that the population doesn't get out of hand... an outright lie!  Or worse yet, so that they can have all the material things to make them happy... now that is so sad and wrong!  Siblings are so much more important than stuff!  I see that over and over at the end of life!  It gets down to your faith and your family... all the rest drops away as just so much worthless stuff ! 

How our horizons have expanded and exploded to the highest of expression of Praise - Hallel!  Through having our daughter say "yes" to this wonderful call she received from her Spouce - Jesus Christ!  We are forever blessed by each of our kids and their journies... yes, even the last 16 months with John's cancer!  We are forever changed and that shell was broken to a million pieces with the huge hammer called - cancer/healing/trust/hope/familysoulstory!  Lord, we love you and thank you for allowing us to emerge from the cocoon and become a beautiful butterfly of your making!  We need you to be the wind beneath our wings.. without you we are broken and lost! 

"This is the right hope, the right trust known to the saints, a hope and a trust based solely upon the mercy of God and the merits of Jesus Christ.  But you will have this hope only after God destroyed in the the last clinging roots of your trust in self.  This may come to pass only if God keeps you for a while yet in entire spiritual povery."  Fr Jean-Pierre de Caussade (1751)

Jesus, we trust in you!  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb

"The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty."  Luke 1:53

Wear blue... don't be blue!