As I was preparing my lesson on my break in the nursing home overnight... Pat and I teach 9th grade religion... I came across this verse in regards to our lives and adressing the question of; "If God is all good, why did he create a world in which there is so much pain and suffering caused by natural disasters and by evil choices that human beings make?"
The weekend before we took John in for his double vision we had all gathered in the Cities for the graduation recepion of my twin nephews in ST Paul... I added a picture of Susan/Hallel to make our family "visually" complete as she was in France preparing to change her name and take the habit of the community of the Lamb in August... Pat. I, John and Nancy had tickets to be there for this monumentous event! John was already starting to tell us that his eyes were not the way that they should be!
Here is the 4 wheeler and pickup he was using as part of his job of checking fields in South Dakota... I thought that all the dirt blowing in his eyes had reinjured an old eye injury and took him to two eye doctors that week...until it finally struck me that it as not in the eye but behind the eye! Father's Day morning we took him to the ER in Marshall and got the notice that there was something abnormal in his brain that showed up on his CT scan and we were sent to SF!
Our entire world became a "bad dream" that I wanted so badly to wake up from and just shiver and shake... realizing that this was about as bad as I could ever imagine going through with one of my children!... From the Catechism and in answer to our question for tonight... "God could have chosen to create a world so perfect that physical evil did not exist, but in his wisdom and goodness he created a world that it still journeying to its ultimate perfection. This means that physical evil will exist alongside of physical good until creation reaches its ultimate perfection."
The weekend before and John's eyes are the only symptom of what is going on in his head other than being very tired... I got a bit upset with him... he went down the basement at the twins reception and slept on the couch for the entire time! He later told us that he would find himself asleep on the 4 wheeler out in the field!
Walking to mass the week before! How the Church got us through this worst of anything that we could ever imagine? It truly did! ..."This is the cause of our hope, nothing is so evil that God cannot cause a good to come from it." See paragraphs 309-314 in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. It is great that I am learning things as I teach the kids... a definite fringe benefit!
Ruth's family that weekend...
As we gathered at home to leave with John for Sioux Falls and get the MRI and spinal tap to try to diagnose what this abnormal thing was in his brain... we called each of the kids, including Susan in France! How quickly they were able to get her to the phone was amazing! Her voice was on the other end of the phone, and I wept in shock and fear to tell her that we had found that there was something in John's brain! She calmly spoke to me such needed word; " Mom, you read the Gospel today where Jesus calmed the sea? Well, this is the storm and Jesus is in control." I immediately found that the wailing and howling winds all around me and the water spraying over me and into the boat... stopped instantly! It was truly a miracle and one that I clung to as I took the hand of my Lord and stepped out of the boat onto the water!
Mary's prayers and love for her son as she watched him walk through this world and do all the miracles and teach the Words of Life, and suffer and die... were constantly on my lips as I clung onto my rosary as my lifeline and my sanity and my peace in the midst of the storm!
That continues up to today and the ministry and prayers that I say for each of my children, husband and numerous others that the Lord has put in my "care." I find so much joy and peace whether traveling or resting in the Lord or in front of Him in adoration... meditating and praying my 9 decades of the rosary every day! All my time here and there in this moment or that is comsumed and lifted in prayer! My soul is uplifted and filled with hope and peace!
My rock and my strength! How I love all that I can find to help me along the way in my wonderful amazing Catholic Church! There is so much and I am never alone with my spiritual army there with me. All the saints give me such encouragement, inspiration and joy! The Blessed Mother is there to assist me and to lift me up to her Son! I am forever blessed to have such a wonderful Spiritual Mother to help me be the best mother on this earth I possibly can! Prayer is as the air that I breath! I cannot exist without it and I know that The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are within me and never gone from my heart! My heart that burns and thirsts for only Him and His Bride the Church!
Our two precious Davids are just 1 1/2 years apart! Such a gift in the midst of this huge family "cross." But as I have said many times and believe with all my heart... The cross is the new tree of life! WE are forever changed and transformed by the cross called cancer/healing of the last 15 months!
"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their flesh with its passions and desires. It we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit." Galations 5:18-25
This first reading from mass today reminds me that although the cross was a brutal scarey thing - John's rare brain cancer - that the fruits that came forth from it definitely were of the Spirit! That image of the Cross with branches and leaves and fruit filling it with Life is certainly what we experienced in this last year!
The meditation of the Day written by Gertrude von Le Fort (1971) . She was born in Germany and was a convert to Catholicism... This is entitled; Return to the Church
"I am a branch on an uprooted stem, but your shadow lies
on the treetops like forest shade.
I am a swallow that could not find its way home in the autumn,
but your voice is like the rush of wings.
Your name rings like the name of a star.
As far as my eye can reach there is no image that resembles you....
Who shall presume to speak as you speak?
Would he not be destroyed by the wrath of the Most High?
You lift your head to heaven and the crown of it is not singed.
You stride to the borders of hell and your feet are unhurt.
You profess eternity and your soul is not afraid.
You order certainty and your lips are not silenced.
Verily clouds of angels must be encamped above you
and storms of cherubim must cover you.
For you flower in your pride like a palm in the desert,
and your children are like a field of ripe grain."
I must go and prepare the lesson for tonight, and am thanking God for this cross of teaching this year... it is producing much "fruit" for me to learn and grow... my heartfelt prayer is that those 9th graders we teach may also grow and continue to realize that this life is a journey in which Christ and His Cross needs to be at the center of all that we are and do! Jesus we trust in you! Amen and Halleluia!
Bless-bless, Barb"Those that follow you, Lord, will have the light of life." Jn 8:12
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