Suffering - Thanksgiving...

Suddenly figuring out how I can easily use the pictures of the last year... I will probably be stepping back to a year ago more often... I can walk away from it mentally, but then I am reminded how huge it all was for us and how it has changed all of us!  I see that John is different, but then so am I and Pat!

This was the day before his surgery to go into his brain and try to discover what that "tumor" was... we were terrified and last minute we were offered two options as there was a small area where they would go in through the back and not through the top of the brain! We had to go with that!

We were told that the chances of discovering it there was much less, but so was the chance of doing him harm!  We had to try that first and the thought of the other was just too scarey... how could we ever say yes to that?

These were to guide him in surgery to the exact spot... John sees this picture and has no memory of this...he was so sick, and the clock was ticking.  They had taken him off the steriods that made the tumor shrink so that it would grow back and they could get some in  a needle... the pressure in his head was a concern!

Fr Craig arrived just hours before the surgery and annointed John for the second time!  John has no memory of this either!  It gave us peace to cling onto... the Lord is in control and he is in the Lord's hands!  As Simon Tugwell writes today:

"Our Lord did not want to suffer, he said, before his passion, "my soul is disturbed" (Jn 12:27), which is most comforting and reassuring to us when our soul , our psyche is disturbed.  True faith does not mean that we shall never be upset, even profoundly upset.  What it does mean is that underneath the disturbance there is something even more profound, which is not disturbed."

Susan and Benedict arrived just as the annointing was taking place - so powerful to have them gathered around the bed joining their prayes and love for John in this way! 

For his healing and protection Lord!  So fervent and filled with fear was our prayer that lifted to heaven!  As the 10 lepers said today..."Jesus, Master!  Have pity on us!"  and when he saw them, he said, "Go show yourselves to the priests."  Yes, Lord we had your amazing Church there to give us the healing and strength we needed through the sacraments!  We are forever changed and healed and we fall at your feet in thanksgiving and praise! 

He made it through surgery and had some residual ataxia on his left side that constatly is a reminder of the last year, as he still is dealing with some of that... he has come a long way from here!  There were a few cells that finally revealed the diagnosis and he did not have to have further surgery... my husband says that it never was a consideration no matter what!  The Lord heard our desperate pleas... much like the lepers, who through no fault of their own had this horrific disease come upon them and cast them out of the normal lives they had been living... cast out and out casts!

His family gathered around him... here literally helping him sit up without falling over!  His need for us was profound and deep!  How that was a joy yet pain for us!  I must be going to my job... but going over this will stick with me today and remind me that when I work with those that are helpless and rely on us for their well being... that it is a deep honor to serve them!  Jesus we trust in you and thank you for our weakness and that of others... in that way we are called to be humble and to serve!  Amen and Halleluia!

Bless-bless, Barb

"May our love for you express itself in our eagerness to do good for others."  Opening prayer for mass today..